The elderly doctor promptly handed back his gin and tonic to the air‐hostess saying,“Madam, I did not know there was a choice. ”
另一個選擇
有位上了年紀的老醫師搭飛機，鄰座是位長老會的牧師。基於某些技術上的問題，延緩了飛機起飛的時間。
起飛後，機長向乘客們致歉，並宣布馬上有免費的飲料招待各位旅客。當迷人的空服小姐推著手推車過來時，醫生向她要了一杯杜鬆子酒。
空服小姐接著問鄰座的牧師要不要喝點東西。他答道：“不，謝謝你，我寧願通奸，也不要喝酒。”
老醫生一聽，馬上把他的酒退還給空服小姐說：“小姐，我剛剛不知道還有另一個選擇。”
17 Eat，Coat
One day Neil went to a big dinner party. He was wearing old clothes, and when he came in, nobody looked at him and nobody gave him a seat at a table. so Neil went home, put on his best clothes, and then went back to the party. The host at once got up and came to meet him. He took him to the best table, gave him a good seat, and offered him the best dishes.
Neil put his coat in the food and said,“Eat, coat!”
The other guests were very surprised and said,“What are you doing?”
Neil answered,“I was inviting my coat to eat. When I wearing my old clothes,nobady looked at me or offered me food or drink. Then I went home and came back in these clothes, and you gave me the best food and drink. So you gave me these things for my clothes, not for myself. ”
大衣，你吃吧
一天，尼爾去參加一個盛大的晚宴。他穿了一身舊衣服，所以當他進去的時候，誰都沒瞧他一眼，也沒人請他入席就座。於是尼爾回到家，穿上他最好的衣服，回到晚宴上。主人立刻起身來歡迎他。他把尼爾帶到一張最好的桌子旁，給了他最好的座位，並為他端來最好的菜肴。
尼爾把大衣放到食物盤子裏說：“大衣，你吃吧！”
別的客人們都十分驚訝地說：“你在幹什麼？”
尼爾回答道：“我正邀請我的大衣用餐。我剛才穿著舊衣服的時候，你們誰都不理睬我，也沒人給我吃的喝的。後來我回到家換了這身衣服回來，你們就給了我最好的食物和飲料。所以，你們給的這些東西，是給我的衣服吃的，並不是給我吃的。”
18 A Boring Man
A serious old gentleman hated people who were always looking around for other friends while they were seaking to him, and never listening to him attentively. Once he was having a conversation with a quite interesting old friend when one of the most boring men he knew joined them.
“Good evening. ”said this man,“How is your wife? ”
“I killed her this morning. ” .
“Oh, good, good,”replied the other without a moment’s hesitation looking around, see if he could find important person to talk to.
“With an axe. ”the first man continued.
“How nice for you both!”the other man answered,“And what are you going to do now? ”
“I am to kill you next. ”answered the first man.
“Oh, good, ”said the other absent‐mindedly.
“That’s very kind of you. Well, I must go speak to Judge Hampton now.”
無聊之人
一位嚴肅的老紳士很討厭那些跟他說話時東張西望找其他的朋友，並且不仔細聽他講話的人。有一次，當他正和一位有趣的老朋友談話時，一個他認識的無聊的人加入了他們。
“晚上好，”這個人說，“你妻子還好？”
“我今天早上殺了她。”
“哦，很好很好。”那人毫不猶豫地回答，同時還尋找著其他更重要的朋友。
“用斧子。”第一個人繼續說。
“哦，這對你倆都好。”另一個人回答道，“你們現在要幹什麼呢？”
“我下麵要殺掉你。”第一個人回答說。
“哦，好啊。”那人漫不經心地說。
“好呀，好呀。嗯，我要去告訴漢普頓法官。”
19 He Was Only Wrong by Two
Jack Hawkins was the football coach at an American college, and he was always trying to find good players, but they weren’t always smart enough to be accepted by the college.
One day, the coach brought an excellent young player to the dean of the college and asked that the student be allowed to enter without an examination.“Well, ”the dean said after some persuasion,“I’d better ask him a few questions first.”
Then he turned to the student and asked him some very easy questions, but the student didn’t know any of the answers.
At last, the dean said,“Well, what’s six time eight?”
The student thought for a long time and then answered,
“Forty‐nine.”
The dean threw up his hands and looked at the coach in despair, but the coach said earnestly,“Oh, please let him in, sir! He was only wrong by two.”
他的答案隻比正確答案差二
傑克·霍金斯是美國一所學院的橄欖球隊教練，他竭力想物色好球員。但是好球員學業不行，院方不願錄取。
有一天，教練帶著一位優秀的年輕球員去見院長，希望院方同意他免試入學。經過一番勸說後院長說：“那我最好先問他幾個問題。”
然後他轉向學生，問了幾個非常簡單的問題。可是那個學生一個也答不上來。
最後院長說：“那麼，六乘八得多少？”
學生想了很久，然後回答說：“四十九。”
院長攤開雙手失望地看了看教練，可是教練認真地說：“噢，錄取他吧，先生，他的答案隻比正確答案差二。”
20 The Talking Frog
One day, a boy was crossing a road when a frog called out to him and said,“If you kiss me, I’ll turn into a beautiful princess. ”He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said,“If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week. ”The boy took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket. The frog then cried out,“If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I’ll stay with you and do anything you want. ”Again, the boy took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.
Finally, the frog asked,“What is it? I’ve told you I’m a beautiful princess that I’ll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won’t you kiss me? ”
The boy said,“Look, I’m a computer programmer. I don’t have time for girlfriends, but a talking frog is really cool. ”
會講話的青蛙
一天，一個男孩走在路上，這時一隻青蛙大聲喚住他說：“如果你吻我一下，我會變成一個漂亮的公主。”他彎下腰，撿起這隻青蛙把它放進口袋裏。
青蛙又開口說道：“如果你吻我，把我變回一個漂亮的公主，我會和你生活一星期。”男孩從口袋裏拿出青蛙，對它笑了一下，又把它放回口袋裏。這時青蛙叫起來：“如果你吻我，把我變回為公主，我會和你待在一起，而且可以為你做任何事。”男孩再一次把它拿出來，對它笑笑，又把它放回口袋裏。
最後，青蛙問道：“怎麼回事？我告訴過你我是一名漂亮的公主，我會和你生活一星期，而且可以讓你隨心所欲。為什麼你不吻我？”
男孩說：“我是一名電腦程序員，我沒有時間談女朋友，但是擁有一隻會說話的青蛙卻是一件非常酷的事。”
21 Hot Air Balloon
A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts:
“Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?”
The man below says,“Yes, you’re in a hot air balloon, hovering 40 feet above this field. ”
“Thank you very much indeed. You must work in Information Technology. ”says the balloonist.
“I do. ”replies the man,“How did you know?”
“Well, ”says the balloonist,“you’ve given me a smart‐aleck response to a straightforward question, and although everything you have told me is technically correct, it’s of no use to anyone!”
The man below hollers back,“You must be a very senior manager in business. ”
“I am, ”replies the balloonist,“but how can you tell?”
“Well, ”says the man,“you don’t know where you are, or where you’re going, but you expect me to be able to help. You’re in the same position you were before we met, but now it’s my fault. ”
熱氣球
一個人乘著熱氣球飛在天上，他發現自己迷路了，就降低了飛行高度。他看見自己的下方有一個人，於是便進一步降低了氣球高度並高聲喊道：
“對不起，你能告訴我我現在所處的位置嗎？”
“好的，”下麵的人回答，“你正呆在一個熱氣球裏，在離地麵40英尺的空中盤旋。”
“謝謝你，你準是搞計算機之類行當的。”熱氣球中的人說。
“沒錯兒！”地麵上的人答道，“你是怎麼知道的？”
“這麼說吧，”氣球上的人說，“我問了你一個直截了當的問題，你卻用一個你自認為夠聰明的答案來打發我，盡管你所說的從技術上看都對，可就是毫無用處！”
地麵上的人也衝著天上喊了起來：“你一定是一個在商界幹了很多年的管理人員。”
“不錯，我是，”氣球上的人說，“你又是怎麼看出來的呢？”
“好吧，”地麵上的人說，“你不知道你在哪兒，也不知道應該往哪兒去，於是你希望我能幫忙。現在你還是在碰見我之前所處的老地方呆著，卻怪起我來了！”
22 Fast Chicken
A man was driving along a freeway when he noticed a chicken running along side the road, beside his car.
He was amazed to see that the chicken was keeping up with him.Glancing down at his speedometer, he noticed that he was doing 50 MPH.
He accelerated to 70 miles per hour, and the chicken stayed right next to him. He sped up to 80 MPH and the chicken kept up.
The man then noticed that the chicken had three legs. Growing even more curious, he followed the chicken down a road and into a farm. He got out of his car and saw that all the chickens around him had three legs.
He asked the farmer,“What’s up with these three legged chickens?”
The farmer said,“Well, whenever we have chicken for dinner, everyone in the family fights over the legs, but there are only two. I have bred a three legged bird. It’s going to make me a millionaire.”
“How do they taste?”the man asked.
The farmer said,“Don’t know yet, I haven’t been able to catch one.”
跑得飛快的雞
一個男人駕車行駛在高速公路上，他注意到一隻雞正在他的旁邊沿著公路飛奔。
他非常驚訝，因為他看出這隻雞快追上他了。看一下速度計，他注意到現在的速度是每小時50英裏。
他把速度提升到70英裏時速，而那隻雞仍緊跟著他。他再加速到80英裏時速，而雞仍能追上。
這時男人注意到這隻雞有三條腿。他更加感到奇怪了，便跟著這隻雞沿著公路開進一個農場內。從車上下來，他看見周圍所有的雞都是三條腿。他問農場主：“這些三條腿的雞是怎麼回事呀？”
農場主回答說：“每次我們吃雞的時候，家裏人都會為雞腿而爭鬥一番，但每隻雞隻有兩條腿啊。於是我便培育了一種三條腿的雞，這將使我成為百萬富翁。”
“那它們嚐起來怎麼樣？”男人問。
農場主說：“還不知道呢，至今我都還沒能抓到一隻。”
23 Pay for the Mother
A young man was walking through a supermarket to pick a few things when he noticed an old lady following him around.
Thinking nothing of it, he ignored her and continued on.
Finally he went to the checkout line, but she got in front of him.“Pardon me, ”she said,“I’m sorry if my staring at you has made you feel uncomfortable. It’s just that you look just like my son, who just died recently. ”
“I’m very sorry.”replied the young man,“Is there anything I can do for you?”“Yes,”she said,“as I’m leaving, can you say‘Good‐bye mother’? It would make me feel much better. ”
“Sure.”answered the young man.
As the old woman was leaving, he called out,“Good‐bye mother!”and felt quite good about himself that he did a good deed and made someone feel happy. As he stepped up to the checkout counter, he saw that his total was ＄276.5.“How can that be? ”he asked,“I only purchased a few things!”“Your mother said that you would pay for her. ”said the clerk.