“That sounds reasonable, ”answered his friend sympathetically,
“And what sort of decisions does your wife make?”“Well,”answered the man,“she decides what jobs I apply for, what sort of house we live in, what furniture we have, where we go for our holidays, and things like that. ”
His friend was surprised. “Oh?”he said,“and what do you consider important decisions then?”
“Well,”answered the man,“decide who should be Prime Minister, whether we should increase our help to poor countries, what we should do about the atom bomb, and things like that. ”
小事老婆說了算
一個男的告訴他的朋友他美滿婚姻生活的秘訣。“我妻子做所有的小決定。”他解釋道，“我做所有的大決定。所以我們從不幹涉彼此的事情，也從來不惹惱對方。我們從不抱怨和爭吵。”
“聽起來蠻有道理，”朋友讚同地說，“那麼你妻子都做什麼樣的決定呢？”
“嗯，她決定我應該找什麼樣的工作，我們住什麼樣的房子，用什麼樣的家具，去什麼地方度假之類的。”男人回答。
他的朋友很是驚訝。“哦？”他說，“那你做什麼重要的決定呢？”
“嗯，”這個男人回答，“我決定誰應該當首相，我們是否應該增加對貧窮國家的幫助，我們應該對防範原子彈之類的事情采取什麼樣的措施之類的。”
24 Twins
Buffy had been married about a year when one day she came running up to her husband jumping for joy.
Not knowing how to react, the husband started jumping up and down along with her.
“Why are we so happy? ”he asked.
“Honey, I have some really great news for you! ”she said.
“Great”, he said,“tell me what you’re so happy about. ”
She stopped jumping and was breathless from all the jumping up and down.“I’m pregnant! ”she gasped.
The husband was ecstatic as they had been trying for a while.
He grabbed her, kissed her, and started telling her how wonderful it was, And that he couldn’t be happier.
Then she said,“Oh, honey there’s more. ”
“What do you mean more? ”he asked.
“Well, we are not having just one baby, we are going to have TWINS! ”
Amazed at how she could know so soon after getting pregnant, he asked her how she knew.
“It was easy. ”she said,“I went to the pharmacy and bought the 2 pack home pregnancy test kit and both tests came out positive! ”
雙胞胎
芭菲已結婚一年了，一天，她開心地蹦跳著跑向她丈夫。
雖然不知道怎麼回事，但她丈夫也跟她一起跳起來。
“為什麼我們這麼開心呢？”他問。
“親愛的，我有好消息要告訴你！”她說。
“太好了”，他說，“告訴我什麼事讓你這麼開心。”
她不跳了，累得氣喘籲籲，上氣不接下氣地說：“我懷孕了！”
他們一直都想要孩子，男人一陣狂喜，一下把她抱在懷裏，吻她，告訴她這太棒了，沒有比那更快樂的了！
她說：“親愛的，還有，還有……”
“還有什麼？”
“嗯……我們不隻會有一個孩子，我們會有一對雙胞胎！”
丈夫很奇怪，問她剛剛懷孕怎麼就知道是雙胞胎。
“很簡單，”巴菲回答說，“我去藥店買了兩套家用驗孕測試用具，兩次都是陽性！”
25 I Had Him Buried Upside down
An old man and woman were married for years even though they hated each other. When they had a fight, screams and yelling could be heard into the night.
A constant statement heard by the neighbors who feared the mall the most was“When I die I will dig way up and out of the grave to come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!”
They believed he practiced black magic and was responsible for missing cats and dogs, and strang at all hours. He died abruptly under strange circumstances. After the funeral, the wife went straight to the local bar and began to party as if there were no tomorrow. The gaiety for her actions was becoming extreme while her neighbors approached in a group to ask these questions,“Are you not afraid? Concerned? Worried? That this man who practiced black magic and stated when he died he would dig his way up and out of the grave to come back and haunt you for the rest of your life.”
The wife put down her drink and said.
“Nah... let the old man dig. I had him buried upside down!”
臉朝下埋的
一對老夫妻結婚很多年了，他們互相憎恨，可是還是在一起。打起架來，叫喊聲一直會持續到深夜。
最讓鄰居們擔驚受怕的是總聽到老頭罵：“我死後會挖墳出來找你，讓你一世不得安寧！”。
鄰居們相信老頭會巫術，村裏的貓狗突然不見了，總是有怪聲出現，都是他作怪的。
老頭突然離奇死去。下葬後，老太太徑直到酒吧狂歡，今朝有酒今朝醉。她樂到了極點，這時鄰居們一齊過來問她：“你不怕嗎？不擔心嗎？老頭會巫術，他說過死後會挖墳出來找你。”
老太太放下酒杯說：“不……讓老頭子挖吧。下葬時我把他臉朝下埋的！”
26 Always Share
An old couple went into a restaurant and ordered something to eat: one Coca Cola and one portion of French fries. The old man sat down and the woman, his wife, sat opposite him, and he began to divide the Coca Cola into two glasses, half for him and half for his wife. He divided all the French fries half‐and‐half then. He gave half to his wife and kept half for himself. Then he began to eat and drink, and the woman just drank but didn’t eat.
There was a young man who was standing next to the table wondering why the old man had divided everything in half, and he thought that maybe they didn’t have any money. He said to the old couple,“I can buy you one more portion；you don’t have to share like that. ”So the old man explained,“No, no, no, we have been married for forty years and we always share everything. Whatever we have, we share half and half. Don’t worry, but thank you, anyhow. ”
But then after a while, he saw that the woman wasn’t eating, and only the man ate. So he asked the woman,“Why aren’t you eating? ”
And the wife said,“Today it’s his turn to use the teeth. ”
分享一切
有一對老夫婦到速食店去，叫了一罐可樂和一份薯條。然後他們麵對麵坐下來，那位老先生先把可樂分成兩杯，一杯給自己，另一杯給他太太。接著他又將薯條分成兩份，一份給他太太，一份給自己。然後他開始吃薯條、喝可樂，但是他的太太隻是喝可樂，不吃薯條。
一個年輕人剛好站在旁邊，看到老先生把每樣食物都分成兩半，覺得很奇怪，他想或許因為他們沒有錢，便跟老夫婦說：“我可以再買一份給你們，你們就不用這樣分。”老先生解釋說：“不不不，我們結婚四十年了，一直都是分享每樣東西。什麼東西都是一個人分一半。不用擔心我們，不過還是謝謝你的好意。”
過了一會兒，他看隻有老先生吃著薯條，老太太沒吃，便問老太太：“你為什麼不吃呢？”
老太太說：“今天輪到他用牙齒。”
27 The Perfect Husband
There are several men in the locker room of a private club after exercising. Suddenly a mobile telephone that is on one of the benches rings. A man picks it up and the following conversation ensues:
“Hello?”
“Honey, it’s me. Are you at the club? ”
“Yes. ”
“Great! I am at the mall 2 blocks from where you are. I saw a beautiful mink coat...It is absolutely gorgeous! ! Can I buy it? ”
“What’s the price? ”
“Only ＄1,200...”
“Well, OK, go ahead and get it, if you like it that much...”
“Ahhh and I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the 2001 models. I saw one I really liked. I spoke with the salesman and he gave me a really good price... and since we need to exchange the BMW that we bought last year...”
“What price did he quote you?”
“Only ＄70,000...”
“OK, but for that price I want it with all the options. ”
“Great! Before we hang up, something else...”
“What?”
“It might look like a lot, but I was reconciling your bank account and... I stopped by the real estate agent this morning and I saw the house we had looked at last year. It’s on sale! ! Remember? The one with a pool, English Garden, acre of park area, beachfront property...”
“How much are they asking?”
“Only＄5500,00...a magnificent price. and I see that we have that much in the bank to cover...”
“Well, then go ahead and buy it, but just bid＄520000. OK?”
“OK, sweetie... Thanks! I’ll see you later! I love you! ! ! ”
“Bye...I do too... ”
The man hangs up, closes the phone’s flap and raises his hand while holding the phone and asks to all those present,
“Does anyone know who this phone belongs to?”
完美丈夫
幾個男人在一家私人俱樂部中運動之後進入存衣間休息。突然，放在一條長凳上的手機響了起來。一個男人拿起它，接著就有如下的對話：
“喂？”
“親愛的，是我。你在俱樂部嗎？”
“是的。”
“太棒了！我就在離你那兒隻有兩個街區的購物商場內。我看見一件非常漂亮的貂皮大衣……它非常高貴華麗！！我可以將它買下嗎？”
“價格多少？”
“隻要一千兩百美元。”
“好，如果你那麼喜歡它，就買吧。”
“哦！我經過默西迪斯代理店時看見2001年新款。我看見一輛我十分喜歡的車款，我已經和銷售員交談過，他願意給我一個相當不錯的價錢……再說我們也需要將去年買的寶馬給換了……”
“那他出什麼價？”
“隻有七萬美元。”
“好吧，但價格這麼貴，我希望它功能齊全。”
“太棒了！在我們掛機之前，還有些事……”
“什麼事？”
“可能看起來太多了，不過我是參照你的銀行賬戶來的……今天早上我經過房產代理處，發現去年我們看中的那幢房子正在拍賣！你還記得嗎？就是那幢帶有一個遊泳池、英式花園、停車場、位於海濱地區的……”
“多少錢？”
“隻要五十五萬美元，這個價錢非常合理，而且我們銀行還有足夠多的錢……”
“好吧，去買下它吧，但必須還價到五十二萬美元，好嗎？”
“沒問題，親愛的……謝謝！我過會兒來看你！！我愛你！”
“再見……我也愛你……”
這個男人掛了線，閉合手機的翻蓋，然後舉起手機問所有在場的人：“有誰知道這隻手機是誰的？”