“Do you think there are differences between the two? ”his friend asked.
“Yes, quite a lot. If it is a promise, that means that my wife is sure to be with her mother, and if a threat, that my mother‐in‐law will move and live with us. ”
承諾還是威脅
“聽我說，朋友，我遇上麻煩了。”一個男人對他的朋友說，“昨天我和妻子吵了一架，她怒氣衝衝地摔門走了，還說她要和她母親住在一起。你幫我想想，這是承諾，還是威脅呢？”
“這兩者有什麼區別嗎？”朋友問。
“區別太大了。如果它是承諾的話，那就是說她肯定是要和她媽媽一起住；如果是威脅，那就意味著我嶽母要搬到我家來住。”
16 Some Conversations on Married Life
1. At the cocktail party, one woman said to another,“Aren’t you wearing the wedding ring on the wrong finger?”
The other replied,“Yes, I’am, I married the wrong man.”
2. After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband,“You know, I was a fool when I married you.”
The husband replied,“Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn’t notice.”
3. A woman was telling her friend,“It is I who made my husband a millionaire.”
“And what was he before you married him?”asked the friend.
The woman replied,“A billionaire.”
婚姻百態
1. 在一個雞尾酒會上，一個女人對另一個說：“你是不是把婚戒戴錯手指了？”
那個女人回答說：“的確戴錯了，因為我嫁錯了人。”
2. 爭吵之後，妻子對丈夫說：“我嫁給你時真是個傻瓜。”
丈夫回答說：“是的，親愛的，不過當時我正處於熱戀中，竟然沒有發現。”
3. 一個女人告訴朋友：“是我讓我丈夫成為了百萬富翁。”
“那麼你嫁給他之前，他是什麼樣呢？”朋友問道。
這個女人回答道：“是個億萬富翁。”
17 Thirty Years Younger Than Me
A sixty‐year‐old couple celebrating their 40 years of marriage. During the celebration a fairy appeared! “Because you have been such a loving couple all those years, I would like to give you each one wish.”
The wife quickly claimed in,“I want to travel around the world. ”The fairy waved her wand and, POOF! She had the tickets in her hand.
Next, it was the huband’s turn. He paused for a moment, then said shyly,“Well, I’d like to have a wife thirty years younger than me.”The fairy picked up her wand and, POOF! He was ninety...
比我年輕三十歲
一對六十歲的老夫妻正在慶祝他們40周年結婚紀念日。這時，一個仙女出現了！“因為你們這些年來彼此恩愛，所以我會實現你們每人一個願望。”
他的妻子迫不及待地說道：“我想去環遊世界。”仙女一揮她的魔杖，呼！妻子手上立馬有了去世界各地的票。
接下來輪到丈夫了。他停頓了一下，然後害羞地說：“哦……我希望有一個比我年輕三十歲的妻子。”
仙女拿起她的魔杖，呼！他立馬變成了九十歲……
18 He Asked Me First
A young woman who was about to wed decided at the last moment to test her sweetheart. So selecting the prettiest girl she knew, she said to her, though she knew it was a great risk,“I’ll arrange for Bob to you out tonighta walk on the beach in the moonlight, a lobster supper and all that sort of thingand I want you, in order to put his fidelity to the test, to ask him for a kiss.”
The other girl laughed, blushed and assented. The dangerous plot was carried out. Then the next day the girl in love visited the pretty one and said anxiously,“Well, did you ask him?”“No, dear.”
“No? Why not?”“I didn’t get a chance. He asked me first.”
他先向我索吻了
一個馬上要結婚的年輕女人決定在最後時刻考驗一下她的愛人。盡管她知道這會冒很大的風險，但還是挑了她認識的最漂亮的女孩，告訴她：“我今晚安排鮑伯帶你出去——在月光下的海灘上散步，享受一頓龍蝦大餐，還要做一些其他浪漫的事情，且為了檢驗他的忠誠，我想讓你向他索取一個吻。”
那個女孩靦腆地笑著同意了。這個危險的計劃開始實行了。第二天，那個沉浸在愛河中的女孩焦急地問那個漂亮女孩：“你向他索吻了麼？”
“沒有，親愛的。”
“為什麼？”
“我沒有得到機會，他先向我索吻了。”
19 Birthday Rose
A young man was in love with a beautiful girl. One day she said to him,“It’s birthday tomorrow.”
“Oh,”the young man,“I’ll send you roses, one rose for each year of your life. ”
The same evening he went to a florist’s. As he knew that the girl twenty‐two years old, he paid for twenty‐two roses and asked the florist to send them to the girl the next day.
When the young man left the shop, the florist thought,“This young man is a very good consumer. I think that my price was too high. I’ll send ten more roses. ”
He did so. The next morning thirty‐two roses were sent to the girl.
When the young man came to see the girl happily, she didn’t speak to him. And he never knew why she was so angry with him.
生日玫瑰
一個年輕小夥子與一位美麗的姑娘在熱戀中。一天，姑娘對他說：“明天是我的生日。”
“啊，我要送你玫瑰花，每一朵玫瑰象征著你生命中的每一年。”年輕人說道。
當天傍晚他就去了一家花店。他知道心愛的姑娘二十二歲了，於是他就買了二十二朵玫瑰，並請花匠第二天把玫瑰送給那個姑娘。
年輕人離開了花店，花匠心想：“這個年輕人是一個心地善良的顧客。我出的價太高了，我要多給他十朵玫瑰。”
於是他就這麼做了。第二天早晨，他將三十二朵玫瑰送給了那個姑娘。
當年輕人興致勃勃來看姑娘時，姑娘卻不跟他說話。小夥子永遠都不知道姑娘為什麼對他那麼生氣。
20 What Are You Going to Do This Evening
Mrs.Brant was still cleaning the house when her husband came back from work.She was wearing dirty old clothes and no stockings, her hair was not tidy, she had dust on her face, and she looked dirty and tired. Her husband looked at her and said,“Is this what I come home to see after a hard day’s work?”
Mrs. Brant’s neighbor, Mrs. Lonis, was there. When she heard Mr.Brant’s words, she quickly said good‐bye and ran back her house. Then she washed, brushed and combed her hair carefully, put on her best dress and her pettiest stockings, painted her face, and waited for her husband to come home.
When he arrived, he was hot and tired. He walked slowly into the house, saw his wife and stopped. Then he shouted angrily,“And what are you going to do this enening?”
你今天晚上要幹什麼去
布蘭特太太的丈夫下班回家時，她還在打掃著衛生。她穿著又髒又舊的衣服，沒穿祙子，頭發亂糟糟的，臉上還滿是灰塵，她看起來髒兮兮的，一臉倦容。她丈夫看到這一切，說：“這就是我辛苦一天回家要看到的嗎？”
布蘭特太太的鄰居——路易斯太太當時也在場，她聽到布蘭特先生的話，立刻告辭，跑回家去。她洗臉刷牙梳頭，穿上她最好的衣服和最漂亮的襪子，化好妝，等著她丈夫回家。
路易斯先生回來時，又熱又累，他拖著腳步慢慢地走進屋子，看到妻子，他停住了腳步，生氣地大聲吼道：“你今天晚上要幹什麼去？”
21 A Penny Pincher
There was once a large, fat woman who had a small, thin husband. He had a job in a big company and was given his weekly wages every Friday evening. As long as he got home on Friday, his wife used to make her all his money, and then she used to give him back only enough to buy his lunch in the office every day.
One day the small man came home very excited. He hurried into the living room. His wife was listening to the radio and eating fruit there.
“You will never guess what happened to me today, dear!”he said. He waited for a few seconds and then added,“I won ten thousand pounds on the lottery!”
“That’s wonderful!”said his wife delightedly. But then she thought for a few seconds and added angrily,“But wait a moment! How could you afford to buy the lottery ticket?”
守財奴
曾經有一個又胖又壯的女人找了一個又小又瘦的丈夫。他在一家大公司裏上班，每周五晚上按時發工資。到了周五，隻要他一回到家，他的妻子就讓他交出所有的錢，然後僅僅返給他一周的午飯錢。
一天，這個瘦小的男人興高采烈地回到了家，衝進了臥室，他的老婆正聽著收音機吃著水果。
“你一定猜不到我今天發生了什麼，親愛的！”他說。他稍微緩了緩接著說道：“我的彩票中了一萬英鎊啊！''
“太好啦！”老婆激動不已。但是她又轉念一想，生氣地說：“等一下！你哪來的錢買彩票啊！”
22 Rejuvenation Pill
The old age had crept in Mrs. Chelsea. Aches and pains bothered her day and night. One day, she received a package with some pills and a letter from her son Bill. The letter said,“Dear Mom, I am sending you some wonder drug called rejuvenation pills. It will make you well and years younger.”
A few months later, Bill came home. Sitting on the porch was a beautiful young lady rocking a cradle with a baby in it sucking the bottle.
“Where is my mother?”Bill asked.
“Don’t be silly. I am your mother. Those pills were marvelous.”
“Imagine, with one pill, you’re as beautiful as anyone can be. Once more, you could have a baby. Wow, they are powerful. ”
“That’s not a baby. That’s your father. He took two.”
返老還童藥片
切爾西女士漸漸變老了，身上的疼痛日日夜夜折磨著她。有一天，切爾西收到兒子比爾寄來的一個包裹，裏麵放著一些藥片和一封信。兒子在信中說：“親愛的媽媽，我給你寄來一些神奇的藥片，返老還童藥片，後你會變得健康年輕。”
幾個月後，比爾回到家。一位年輕美麗的女士坐在門廊搖著搖籃，搖籃裏有個嬰兒吸著奶瓶。
“我的媽媽呢？”比爾問。
“別犯傻了，我就是你媽媽，那些藥片太神了。”
“真是不可思議，那個藥片一片就可以美夢成真，再吃一片就可以生個孩子。哇塞，藥片可真厲害。“
“那可不是孩子，那是你爸，他吃了兩片。”
23 My Wife Makes All Small Decisions
A man was telling one of his friends the secret of his contented married life,“My wife makes all small,”he explained,“and I make all the big ones, so we never interfere in each other’s business and never get annoyed with each other. We have no complaints and no arguments. ”