1 I Was in Love and Didn’t Notice It
After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband,“I was a fool when I married you. ”
And the husband replied,“Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn, t notice it. ”
戀愛中沒有注意到
爭吵後，妻子對丈夫說：“我和你結婚時真是個傻瓜。”
丈夫回答說：“是的，親愛的，不過當時我在熱戀中，沒有注意到這一點。”
2 I’m the Bridegroom’s Mother
Lady with the large flowery hat was stopped at the church door by the usher.
“Are you a friend of the bride? ”he asked.
“Certainly not,”she snapped.“I’m the bridegroom’s mother.”
我是新郎的母親
一位頭戴紮滿鮮花的帽子的女士在教堂門前被招待員攔住了。
“您是新娘的朋友嗎？”他問道。
“當然不是，”她厲聲答道，“我是新郎的母親！”
3 Looking for a Husband
“I want a man to do odd jobs about the house, run on er‐rands, one who never answers back and is always ready to do my bidding. ”said a lady to an applicant.
“You are looking for a husband, madam, not a servant! ”answered the seeker for work.
找個丈夫
“我想找個人幫我做做家裏的零活，跑跑腿，而且要聽話，從不頂嘴。”一位女士對一個應聘者說。
“夫人，你這是在找丈夫，而不是仆人！”那個找工作的人說。
4 In the Swimming Pool
Wife: There’s trouble with the car. It has water in the carburetor.
Husband: Water in the carburetor? That’s ridiculous.
Wife: I tell you the car has water in the carburetor.
Husband: You don’t even know what a carburetor is. Where’s the car?
Wife: In the swimming pool.
在遊泳池裏
妻子：我們的汽車有了麻煩，汽化器進水了。
丈夫：汽化器進水了？這真荒唐。
妻子：我告訴你汽車的汽化器進水了。
丈夫：你都不知道什麼是汽化器。我們的汽車在哪裏？
妻子：在遊泳池裏。
5 Marry
“You’d better marry George. ”advised the fond father.
“Do you think he truly loves me? ”asked the pretty daughter.
“I’m sure he does. ”
“How can you be sure when I am not? ”
“I’ve been borrowing money from him for four months and he still keeps on coming here. ”
結婚
“你最好跟喬治結婚。”慈父勸道。
“你認為他真的愛我嗎？”漂亮女兒問。
“我敢肯定他愛你。”
“我還沒有肯定，你怎麼就敢肯定呢？”
“我一直向他借錢已有四個月了，但他還不斷地到這裏來。”
6 Be inside the Coat
Neighbor: I heard a big noise in front of your house last night. What happened to you?
Husband: It was nothing. My wife was a bit cross, and threw my overcoat out of the window.
Neighbor: Your overcoat? But how could it make such a noise?
Husband: I...I happened to be inside the coat.
我在外套裏
鄰居：昨天夜裏，我聽見你們房前咚地響了一聲。出了什麼事？
丈夫：沒什麼。老婆脾氣有點兒壞，把我的外套扔到了窗外。
鄰居：你的外套？可怎麼會發出那麼大的響聲呢？
丈夫：我……我碰巧在外套裏。
7 I’m Hooked on You
It was one of those dusky, romantic summer nights. Stars sparkled in the sky as my date and I walked, arm in arm along the beach.
Suddenly he leaned close to me.“Marj, darling, ”he whispered,“I think I’m hooked on you. ”
I blushed.“No, you’re not. ”I shyly protested.
“But I am, ”he insisted,“my button’s caught on your sweater. ”
我被你勾住了
那是一個朦朧而浪漫的夏夜，星光在天空閃爍。我和約會對象手挽手在海灘散步。
突然，他靠近我，輕聲說道：“瑪奇，親愛的，我想我被你勾住了。”
我滿臉羞紅。“不，你沒有。”我害羞地辯解道。
“可我確實是，”他堅持說，“我的扣子鉤在你的毛衣上了。”
8 Not My Daughter
A large truck was tailing my teenage son as he drove through town with a female classmate. The truck matched them turn for turn, down every street. It pulled next to him at a light. The menacing‐looking driver leaned out his window and glared into his car. After a long, hard stare, the man grinned and yelld to his coworker,“That’s not my daughter.”
不是我的女兒
我十幾歲的兒子開車帶著一個女同學到市區，一輛大卡車就在後麵緊緊跟著。我兒子拐彎它也拐彎，我兒子到哪條街它就跟到哪條街。那輛大卡車在一個紅綠燈處停在了我兒子車旁。一個麵相凶狠的司機從車窗裏探出頭來，往我兒子的車裏瞪。仔細盯了半天後，那個人咧嘴笑了，大聲對他的同事說：
“那不是我女兒。”
9 Dating
When the young waitress in the cafe in Bill’s building started waving hello everyday, Bill was flattered, for she was at least 15 years younger than him.
One day she waved and beckoned to Bill again. When Bill strolled over, she asked,“Are you single? ”
“Why, yes. ”Bill replied, smiling at her broadly.
“So is my mom. ”she said,“Would you like to meet her? ”
約會
在比爾工作的大樓裏有一個咖啡屋，那兒總有一位小姐每天都和他打招呼。比爾有些受寵若驚，因為這位小姐看上去至少比他年輕十五歲。
一天她又對比爾招手並示意比爾過去，於是比爾走了過去。她問道：“您現在是單身嗎？”
“對，是單身。”比爾滿臉堆笑地說。
“我母親也是，”她說，“您願不願意見見她？”
10 The Baby Will Just Like You Tomorrow
As my friend Laura stood with her daughter and son‐in‐law in the hospital nursery, she proclaimed with pride that her first grandchild had her daughter’s eyes, her daughter’s nose and her daughter’s coloring.
Her son-in-law asked,“Doesn’t the baby look anything like me? ”
“Your mother is coming tomorrow, ”Laura answered,“then the baby will look just like you. ”
寶寶明天就像你了
我的朋友勞拉跟女兒女婿站在醫院保育室時，她驕傲地宣稱，她第一個外孫長著她女兒的眼睛、鼻子以及她女兒的膚色。
她女婿問：“難道這孩子長得不像我嗎？”
“你的母親明天來，”勞拉回答說，“那時孩子就長得像你了。”
11 Change
The morning following the birth of our first child, my husband was mistakenly directed to the room of another new mother on the maternity floor.
As he walked into the room, he bent over the napping mother, whose back was turned to him, and gave her a big kiss.The woman was startled to see a stranger.
But before she could say anything, my husband smiled and said, “I didn’t know having a baby would change you this much!”
變化
第一個孩子出世那天早晨，我的丈夫誤跑到了產科區另一位產婦那裏。
他走進產房，向背對著他小睡的產婦彎下腰，送給她一個長吻。那位產婦發現是一個陌生人，大驚失色。
但還沒等她說什麼，我的丈夫便微笑著說：“我不知道生個孩子能使你變化這樣大！”
12 We’re Divorced
A guy called up his ex‐wife and disguising his voive, asked to speak to himself.
“Sorry, he doesn’t live here anyone, we’re divorced!”
The next day the guy did the same thing with the same results.
He did this everyday for a week, and finally his ex‐wife realized whom it was that kept calling.
“Look, Carl! We’re divorced! Finished! End of story! When are you going to get that through your fat head ?”
“Oh, I know, I just can’t hear it enough!”
我們已經離婚了
一個人捏著鼻子打電話給前妻說要找他自己聽電話。
“對不起，他現在不住這兒了，我們已經離婚了。”
第二天這人又打電話，得到了同樣的回答。
就這樣，他打了一個星期的電話。終於，他前妻知道了到底是誰在一直打電話。
“聽著，卡爾，我們離婚了！一切都結束了！再無任何瓜葛了！你這個豬頭什麼時候才能接受這個事實？”
“哦，我知道我們已經離婚了，我隻是聽不夠而已！”
13 The New Telephone Number
After directory assistance gave me my boyfriend’s new telephone number, I dialed him—and got a woman.
“Is Sam there? ”I asked.
“He’s in shower. ”she responded.
“Please tell him his girlfriend phoned. ”I said and hung up.
When he didn’t return the call, I dialed again. This time a man answered.“This is Sam, ”he said.
“You’re not my boyfriend! ”I exclaimed.
“I know, ”he replied.“That’s what I’ve been trying to tell my wife for the past half‐hour. ”
新號碼
電話號碼簿幫我查到了男友的新號碼，我給他撥去了電話——接電話的是一個女人。
“山姆在嗎？”我問。
“他在淋浴。”她回答說。
“請跟他說他的女朋友剛才打過電話。”說完，我就掛了電話。
他沒回話，我就又撥了一次。這次是一個男人接的電話。
“我是山姆。”他說。
“你不是我的男朋友！”我驚叫道。
“我知道，”他回答說，“我已經跟我妻子努力解釋了半小時了。”
14 It’s Too Late
Although I had never met him, I knew that my grandpa had been five feet, six inches tall, while my grandma stood five feet, nine inches. As a teenager leafing through old photographs with grandma, I finally realized how unusual they must have looked together.
“Grandma, ”I asked,“how could you have fallen in love with a man three inches shorter than you? ”
She turned to me.“Honey, ”she said,“we fell in love sitting down, and when I stood up, it was too late. ”
太晚了
盡管我從未見過爺爺，但我知道他身高五英尺六英寸，而我的祖母身高五英尺九英寸。十幾歲時，我和奶奶一起一頁一頁地翻著老照片，我終於認識到他們在一起是多麼不同尋常。
“奶奶，”我問道，“你怎麼會愛上一個比你矮三英寸的人呢？”
她轉向我說：“寶貝兒，我們是坐著相愛的。我站起來時，已經太晚了。”
15 Promise or Threat
“My friend, I say I had some trouble. ”A man said to his friend,“Yesterday I had words with my wife. After that she punched the door and rushed out angrily with the word that she would live with her mother. Please help me. Is this a promise or a threat? ”