They drove straight towards the fire and stopped in the middle of the flames. The volunteer firemen jumped off the truck and frantically started spraying water in all directions. Soon they had snuffed out the center of the fire, breaking the blaze into two easily controllable parts.
The farmer was so impressed with the volunteer fire de‐ partment’s work, and so grateful that his farm had been spared. Right there on the spot he presented the volunteer fire department with a check for＄5, 000.
A local news reporter asked the volunteer fire captain what the department planned to do with the funds.“That should be obvious.”he responded,“The first thing we’re gonna do is get the brakes fixed on that old fire truck.”
舊消防車
印第安那州一個農場附近的草原燃起了大火，人們叫來附近城鎮的消防隊滅火。火勢到了這支小小的城鎮消防隊難以處理的地步，有人建議應該叫鄉村誌願消防隊。盡管懷疑他們是否幫得上忙，但還是打去了電話。
誌願消防隊開著一輛舊消防車趕到現場，徑直衝進了火海，把車停在了熊熊火焰之中。誌願消防隊員跳下消防車，開始拚命向四麵八方噴水。他們很快就撲滅了中心的火焰，並分兩個區域控製住了火勢。
農場主對誌願消防隊的工作大為感動，為農場得以幸存而對他們不勝感謝。他當場贈給誌願消防隊一張五千美元的支票。
一名當地記者問誌願消防隊隊長，消防隊準備如何使用這筆資金。他回答說：“很顯然，我們要做的第一件事就是把那輛舊消防車的刹車修好。”
27 A Smuggler
The suspicious‐looking man drove up to the border, where he was greeted by a sentry. When the guard looked in the trunk, he was surprised to find six sacks bulging at the seams.
“What’s in here?”he asked.
“Dirt.”the driver replied.
“Take them out. ”the guard instructed,“I want to check them. ”
Obliging, the man removed the bags, and sure enough, each one of them contained nothing hut dirt. Reluctantly, the guard let him go.
A week later the man came back, and once again, the sentry looked in the truck.
“What’s in the bags this time?”he asked.
“Dirt, more dirt. ”said the man.
Not believing him, the guard checked the sacks and, once again, he found nothing but soil.
The same thing happened every week for eight months, and it finally became so frustrating to the guard that he quit and became a bartender. Then one night, the suspicious‐looking fellow happened to stop by for a drink. Hurrying over to him, the former guard said,“Listen, pal, drinks are on the house tonight if you’ll do me a favor: Just tell me what the hell you were smuggling all that time. ”
Grinning broadly, the man leaned close to the bartender’s ear and whispered,“Cars. ”
走私犯
一個形跡可疑的人開車來到邊境，哨兵迎了上去。哨兵在檢查汽車行李箱時，驚奇地發現了六個接縫處鼓得緊繃繃的大口袋。
“裏麵裝的是什麼？”他問道。
“土。”司機回答。
“把袋子拿出來，”哨兵命令道：“我要檢查。”
那人順從地把口袋搬了出來。確實，口袋裏除了土以外，別無他物。哨兵很不情願地讓他通過了。
一周後，那人又來了，哨兵再次檢查汽車上的行李箱。
“這次袋子裏裝的是什麼？”他問道。
“土，又運了一些土。”那人回答。
哨兵不相信，對那些袋子又進行了檢查，結果發現，除了土以外，仍舊一無所獲。
同樣的事情每周重演一次，一共持續了八個月。最後，哨兵被弄得灰心喪氣，幹脆辭職去當了酒吧侍者。有天夜裏，那個形跡可疑的人碰巧途經酒吧，下車喝酒。那位從前的哨兵急忙迎上前去對他說，“我說，老兄，你要是能幫我個忙，今晚的酒就歸我請客：你能不能告訴我，那段時間你到底在走私什麼東西？”
那人俯身過來，湊近侍者的耳朵，裂開嘴笑嘻嘻地說：“汽車。”
28 Protect Himself
When sailors are allowed ashore after a long time at sea, they sometimes get drunk and cause trouble. For this reason, the navy always has naval police in big ports. When sailors cause trouble the naval police come and deal with them.
One day, the naval police in one big seaport received an urgent telephone call from a bar in the town. The barman said that a big sailor had got drunk and was breaking the furniture in the bar. The petty officer who was in charge of the naval police guard that evening said that he would come immediately.
Now petty officer who had to go and deal with sailors who were violently drunk usually chose the biggest naval policeman they could find to go with them. But this particular petty officer did not do this, Instead, he chose the smallest and weakest‐looking man he could find to go to the bar with him and arrest the sailor who was breaking the furniture.
Another petty officer who happened to be there was surprised when he saw the petty officer of the guard choose this small man, so he said to him,“Why don’t you take a big man with you? You may have to fight the sailor who is drunk. ”
“Yes, you are quite right. ”answered the petty officer of the guard,“That is exactly why I am taking this small two policemen coming to arrest you, and one of them was much smaller than the other, which one would you attack?”
保護自己
當水兵們在海上航行很長時間上岸之後，他們有時會喝得酩酊大醉，並且惹出一些麻煩事。每當這個時候，海軍總會在一些大港口增設一些海軍警察。當水兵們鬧事的時候，這些海軍警察就會來處理。
一天，一個大港口的海軍警察接到了城鎮酒吧的緊急電話。酒保說一個高大的水手喝醉了，打壞了酒吧裏的家具。當晚值班的海軍士官說他會立刻趕過去。
去對付那些喝醉的水手們，海軍士官通常會帶著最高大的海軍警察跟著他們一起去。但是這個特殊的士官沒這麼做，而是挑選了看起來最弱小的一個人跟他一起去逮捕那個打碎家具的水兵。
另一名碰巧在那裏的海軍士官看到這名士官就帶了一個這第弱小的人時，感到很驚訝，因此對他說：“你為什麼不帶一個大家夥和你一起呢？你可能會和那個喝醉的水手發生衝突的。”
“正因為如此我才要帶著這個弱小的人一起。如果你看見兩個警察過來逮捕你，其中一個比另一個弱小很多，你會去攻擊哪一個？”
29 Cover the Shadow with Sand
The soldiers had just moved to the desert, and as they had never been in such a place before, they had a lot to learn.
As there were no trees or buildings in the desert, it was, of course, very hard to hide their trucks from enemy planes. The soldiers were, therefore given training in camouflage, which means ways of covering something so that the enemy cannot see where it is. They were shown how to paint their trucks in irregular patterns with pale green, yellow and brown paints, and then to cover them with nets to which they had tied small pieces of cloth.
The driver who had the biggest truck went to a lot of trouble to camouflage it. He spent several hours painting it, preparing a net and searching for some heavy rocks with which to hold the net down. When it was all finished, he looked proudly at his work and then went off to have his lunch.
But when he came back to the truck after he had his meal, he was surprised and worried to see that his camouflage work was completely spoilt by the truck’s shadow, which was growing longer and longer as the afternoon advanced. He stood looking at it, not knowing what to do about it. Soon an officer arrived, and he too saw the shadow, of course.
“Well,”he shouted to the poor driver,“what are you going to do about it? If an enemy plane comes over, the pilot will at once know that there is a truck there.”
“I know, sir.”answered the soldier.
“Well, don’t just stand there doing nothing!”said the officer.
“What shall I do, sir?”asked the poor driver.
“Get your spade and throw some sand over the shadow, of course!”answered the officer.
用沙子遮住影子
士兵們剛剛轉移到沙漠，由於他們之前從沒到過這種地方，他們有很多要學習的。
當然，由於沙漠裏沒有樹和建築，想把卡車藏起來躲避敵機是很難做到的。於是士兵們經常進行偽裝隱藏的訓練，這意味著對一些東西進行偽裝隱藏，而讓敵機不會看到它們在哪兒。教官向他們演示如何用淡綠、黃色和棕色等不規則的圖形來塗飾他們的卡車，然後用布條纏成的網來掩蓋。
最大的卡車的司機在隱藏過程中遇到了很多麻煩。他用了好幾個小時來塗飾，準備網和尋找那些能把網壓住的笨重的石頭。這一切結束的時候，他看著自己的工作成果感到很自豪，然後便去吃午餐了。
但是當他吃完飯回來的時候，他很驚奇而且很焦慮地看見隱藏工作被卡車的影子完全毀掉了，而且隨著時間臨近下午，影子變得越來越大。他站在那裏看著，不知道怎麼做。過了一會兒，一位長官到了，當然他也看到了這個影子。
“嘿，”他朝著這個可憐的司機喊道，“你打算怎麼辦？如果敵機經過，飛行員會立刻知道這裏有一輛卡車。”
“我知道，長官。”士兵回答。
“好，那就別站在那裏什麼都不做！”長官說道。
“我應該怎麼做，長官？”可憐的司機問道。
“當然是拿起你的鐵鍬，往影子上麵扔一些土，蓋住它！”長官回答。
30 In Prison VS at Work
IN PRISON...You spend the majority of your time in an 8×10 cell.
AT WORK...You spend most of your time in a 6×8 cubicle.
IN PRISON... You get three flee meals a day.
AT WORK... You only get a break for one meal and you have to pay for it.
IN PRISON... You get time off for good behavior.
AT WORK.. You get rewarded for good behavior with more work.
IN PRISON... A guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you.
AT WORK... You must carry around a security card and unlock and open all the doors yourself.
IN PRISON... You can watch TV and play games.
AT WORK... You get fired for watching TV and playing games.
IN PRISON... You get your own toilet.
AT WORK... You have to share.
IN PRISON... They allow your family and friends to visit.
AT WORK... You cannot even speak to your family and friends.
IN PRISON... All expenses are paid by taxpayers.
AT WORK... You get to pay all the expenses to go to work and then they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners.
IN PRISON... You spend most of your time looking through bars from the inside wanting to get out.
AT WORK... You spend most of your time wanting to get out and go inside bars.
IN PRISON... They ball‐and‐chain you when you go somewhere.
AT WORK... You are just ball‐and‐chained.
IN PRISON... You get your own room.
AT WORK... You have to share.
IN PRISON... You can join many programs which you can leave at any time.
AT WORK... There are some programs you can never get out of.
IN PRISON... There are wardens who are often sadistic.
AT WORK... You have managers.
IN PRISON... You have unlimited time to read jokes.
AT WORK... You get fired if you get caught.
監獄與單位
在監獄……大部分時間都待在8×10的小牢房裏。
在單位……大部分時間都待在6×8的格子間裏。
在監獄……一日三餐齊全免費。
在單位……隻有工間休息才能吃午餐，還得自己掏錢。
在監獄……表現好可以減刑
在單位……表現好得到的獎賞是幹更多的活。
在監獄……有看守為你開門關門。
在單位……必須自己帶門禁卡，動手開門。
在監獄……可以看電視玩遊戲。
在單位……看電視玩遊戲會被炒魷魚。
在監獄……人人都有自己的馬桶。
在單位……大家得共享馬桶。
在監獄……允許家人朋友來探望。
在單位……和家人朋友甚至連通話都不行。
在監獄……所有支出都由納稅人付。
在單位……上班的費用自己出，工資還得扣稅付給囚犯。
在監獄……絕大多數時候通過鐵欄杆向外望想要出去。
在單位……絕大多數時候想出去進入酒吧。
在監獄……去一些地方要戴著鐐銬。
在單位……你一直戴著鐐銬。
在監獄……人人都有自己的單間。
在單位……你得和別人共用。
在監獄……你可以任意選擇參加什麼活動，也可以在任何時候離開。
在單位……有一些要做的事情你永遠都逃脫不了。
在監獄……有些看守是虐待狂。
在單位……你有頂頭上司。
在監獄……有大把大把的時間讀笑話。
在單位……如果被發現在看笑話就會被炒魷魚。