郵票
巴黎一家廣告公司招聘美術設計師，要求應聘者寄上三件得意的近作：一幅素描、一幅速寫和一幅圖案設計。
幾天後，公司收到雕塑家羅丹的應聘書，但裏麵隻有一幅素描和一幅速寫。怎麼缺了一幅圖案設計呢？大家納悶起來。
就在這時，有人發現信封裏還有一張紙條，上麵寫著：“我的圖案設計是信封上的偽造郵票。”
就在這時，有人發現信封裏還有一張紙條，上麵寫著：“我的圖案設計是信封上的偽造郵票。”
13 Borrow a Book
Mark Twain once went to borrow a certain book from a neighbor.“May I borrow a book from you? ”he asked politely.
“Yes, you’re more than welcome to it.”the neighbor told him,“But I must ask you to read it here. You know I make a rule never to let any book go out of my library. ”
Some days later, the neighbor wished to borrow Twain’s mower.“Why, certainly. ”Twain told him,“You’re more than welcome to it. But I must ask you to use it here. You know that I make it a rule never to let it go out of my garden. ”
借書
有一次，馬克·吐溫去一位鄰居家借一本書。“我可以向你借一本書嗎？”他彬彬有禮地問道。
“可以，非常樂意借給你。”鄰居對他說，“但我要求你必須在這裏讀。你知道我定有一條規矩，從來不讓任何一本書離開我的書房。”
幾天後，這位鄰居想從馬克·吐溫那裏借一台割草機。
“噢，當然可以。”吐溫對他說，“非常樂意借給你。但我要求你一定要在這裏用。你知道我定有一條規矩，從來不讓它離開我的花園。”
14 Editor’s Reply
Ambassador Walter Hines Page was at one time editor of The World’s Weekly and like all to refuse a great many stories.
A lady once wrote him,“Sir: You sent back last week a story of mine. I know that you did not read the story for as a test I had pasted together pages 18, 19 and 20, and the story came back with these pages still pasted, and so I know you are a fraud and trun down stories without reading them.”
Mr. Page wrote back Madame,“At breakfast when I open an egg I don’t have to eat the whole egg to discover it is bad.”
編輯的答複
沃爾特·海因斯·佩奇大使曾經是《世界周刊》的編輯，和所有的編輯一樣，他不得不拒絕大量的稿件。
一位女士曾經寫信給他：“先生，您上周退回了我的稿件。我知道您根本就沒有閱讀我寫的故事，因為為了驗證故事是否被讀過，我把第18、19和20頁粘在了一起。我的稿子返回來時，那幾頁仍然粘在一起，因此我知道你是個騙子，你根本不讀來稿就退還稿件。”
佩奇先生在回信中寫道：“夫人，我在吃早餐時剝開了一個雞蛋，我不必吃掉整個雞蛋就能知道它是壞的。”
15 Worn out Overcoat
One day the famous scientist Albert Einstein came across an old friend of his in New York.
“Mr. Einstein, ”said the friend,“it seems that you need to have a new overcoat. Look, how worn out it is.”
“It doesn’t matter. ”answered Albert Einstein.“No one knows me here in New York. ”
Several years later, they met in New York again. Einstein had become a world‐famous physicist by then, but he still wore the same old overcoat. Once more his friend tried to persuade him buy a new one.
“There’s no need now. ”said Einstein.“Everybody here knows me. ”
愛因斯坦的破爛外套
一天，著名科學家阿爾伯特·愛因斯坦在紐約一條街上巧遇他的一位老友。
“愛因斯坦先生，”那位朋友說，“看起來你需要一件新外套了，你身上的那件已經破爛不堪了。”
“沒關係，”阿爾伯特·愛因斯坦回答，“反正在紐約又沒有人認識我。”
幾年之後，他們又一次在紐約相遇了。這時愛因斯坦已經成為世界著名的物理學家，但是他仍舊穿著那件舊外套。他的朋友再次試圖勸說他買一件新的。“現在沒必要了，”愛因斯坦說，“這裏每個人都認識我了。”
16 He Bathes on Behalf of Me
Hoffman, a German novelist, came to sojourn in a newrich’s home. After dinner, the host showed him the plush house. On talking the servants, the nouveau‐riche appeared casual.
He said that he himself needed three servants to attend. Unexpectedly, the novelist said that when he bathed, he needed four people to wait on. One put away the towel, one tested the temperature and the third one checked the faucet.
“What about the fourth one? ”asked the upstart confusedly.
“Oh, he is the most important—he bathes on behalf of me. ”the novelist said.
他代我洗澡
德國小說家霍夫曼到柏林的一個新貴家做客。飯後，主人領他參觀豪華住宅。談到仆人時，這位暴發戶顯得漫不經心。
他說他自己需要三個仆人服侍。不料，小說家說他洗澡時，需要四個人服侍。一個人放好浴巾，一個人試水溫，第三個人檢查水龍頭。
“第四個人呢？”暴發戶迷惑不解地問道。
“噢，他最重要——他代我洗澡。”小說家說。
艾森豪威爾總統又問道：“您的英語學習進展如何？”教皇笑了笑答道：“我越學就越明白，‘教皇永無過錯’這個說法並不適用於英語發音的學習。”
17 Charming Girl
One day a beautiful girl came to visit George Bernerd Shaw at his house somewhere near London. She was tall and her figure was very good. She had golden hair and her eyes were blue.
She introduced herself to the great writer and said she had something to say to him. Shaw shook hands with her and asked her to sit down.
“Would you marry me? ”asked the charming girl.
“Why should I? ”said the writer.
“Just think, ”she said,“if we had a baby, and if the baby had my looks and your brains...”
“Yes,”interrupted Shaw, “but what if the baby had my looks and your brains? ”
美女
有一天，一個美女到位於倫敦附近某個地方的寓所去拜訪喬治·肖伯納。她身材高挑，風姿綽約，金發碧眼。
她向大作家作了自我介紹，說有事要對他說。肖伯納同她握過手後，便請她坐下。
“你願意娶我嗎？”這個迷人的姑娘問。
“為什麼我要娶你？”大作家說。
“請想一下，”她說，“如果我們生個寶寶，如果那個寶寶有我的美貌和你的智慧……”
“是的，”肖伯納打斷說，“可如果那個寶寶有我的長相和你的大腦，該怎麼辦？”
18 A Strange Creature
Charles Darwin was a great naturalist, famous for his theory of evolution.
One day, two boys decided to play a trick on the great man. They took the body of a centipede, the head of a beetle, the legs of a grasshopper, and the wings of a butterfly, and glued them together. Putting the strange creature into a box carefully, they took it to Darwin.“Please, sir,”said one of the two boys,“can you tell us what sort of a bug this is?”
The naturalist looked at the“bug”and then at the boys.“Did it hum?”he asked.“Oh, yes, it did.”“In that case, ”declared Darwin, “would say it’s a humbug!”
奇怪的生物
查爾斯·達爾文是一位偉大的自然學家，他以進化論而聞名。
一天，兩個男孩決定捉弄一下這個大人物。他們把蜈蚣的身體、甲殼蟲的頭、蝗蟲的腿和蝴蝶的翅膀粘在了一起，然後小心翼翼地把它放在一個盒子裏，拿到達爾文麵前。其中一個男孩問道：“先生，請問這是什麼蟲子啊？”達爾文看了看這個“蟲子”，然後問道：“它會叫嗎？”
“是的，它會叫。”
“那樣的話，”達爾文說道，“它就是個騙子！”
19 A Humorist
A jokester is a person who talks funny. A humorist is a person who thinks funny. The self‐styled comedies are a dime a dozen. The genuine humorists are few and far between. The late Fred Allen was one of the foremost humorists.
Lines like,“This is the thinnest paper I’ve ever seen in public. ”and“The night club on the beach was so dull that the tide went away and never came back. ”made him a world‐renowned celebrity.”
Fred had countless gem like this,“To protect his corn, a farmer made a scarecrow,”said the famous comedian,“which was so realistic and the crows so scared, that they not only didn’t dare come anywhere near the cornfield, but they went home and brought back the corn they had stolen two years ago.”