1 Before the Foundering
Once on a voyage, Duke Wellington encountered a storm in a boat on the verge of sinking. The captain hurried to Wellington’s cabin saying,“We’ll be doomed. ”
Wellington wanted to go to bed, so he said,“Okay, I don’t need to take off my shoes. ”
沉船之前
一次在海上旅行，威靈頓公爵乘的小船遇上了風暴，瀕臨沉沒。船長匆匆趕到威靈頓的包艙，說：“我們就要完蛋了。”
威靈頓正想上床睡覺，於是說道：“那好，我就用不著脫鞋了。”
2 Hat
Andersen led a very simple life. He always wore the same old hat whenever he went out.
Once someone in the street laughed at him,“What’s that on your head? Can it be called a hat? ”
Andersen replied,“What’s that under your hat? Can it be called a head? ”
帽子
安徒生過著非常簡樸的生活。無論什麼時候出門，他總是戴著同一頂舊帽子。
一次，有人在街上嘲笑他說：“你腦袋上麵那是什麼？那也能叫帽子嗎？”
安徒生回答說：“你帽子下麵那是什麼？那也能叫腦袋嗎？”
3 There Isn’t a Scar on Your Body
Once Muhammad Ali attended a grand banquet. During the banquet, the host introduced a pianist to him.
The pianist said humorously,“We are of the same trade to make a living with our hands. ”
Ali replied,“You’re excellent because there isn’t a scar on your body. ”
身上沒有疤
有一次，拳王阿裏參加一次盛大宴會。席間，主人把一位鋼琴家介紹給他。
鋼琴家幽默地說：“我們是同行，都是以手謀生。”
阿裏回答說：“你非常出色，因為你身上沒有一塊傷疤。”
4 1+1=1
The great logician Bertrand Russel once claimed that could prove anything if given that 1+1=1.
So one day some smarty‐pants asked him,“Prove that you’re the Pope. ”
He thought for a while and proclaimed,“I am one. The Pope is one. Therefore, the Pope and I are one. ”
1+1=1
偉大的邏輯學家伯特蘭·羅素曾經說過，他用1+1=1可以證明一切事物。
有一天，幾個自作聰明的人要求他：“證明一下你是教皇。”
他想了想，說：“我是一個人，教皇是一個人。所以，我和教皇是一個人。”
5 1 Make Way for a Fool
Goethe was once strolling on a narrow path in a park.
As luck would have it, he met with a critic who was hostile to him.
Both of them stopped, staring at each other. Then the critic said,“I will never make way for a fool. ”
“But I will. ”with that Goethe retreated aside.
給傻瓜讓路
有一次，歌德在公園的一條狹窄的小路上散步，偏偏遇到了一個對他心存敵意的評論家。
他們都停下來看著對方。隨後，評論家說：“我從來不會給傻瓜讓路。”
“但我會。”說完，歌德退到了一旁。
6 Wearing Glass
Mozart always went to sleep wearing glasses every night.
Someone asked him,“Why did you go to sleep still wearing glasses? ”
He answered,“I often think of strains of some music in dreams. Unless wearing glasses, I won’t see the notes clearly. When I wake up, I’ll forget them all naturally. ”
戴眼鏡
莫紮特每晚睡覺都要戴上眼鏡。
有人問他：“你為什麼睡覺還要戴眼鏡呢？”
他回答說：“我常在夢中想起一些樂曲的旋律。如果不戴眼鏡，就什麼音符都看不清，醒來自然就全忘了。”
7 Autograph
A U. S. real estate businessman went to Hemingway, who moved to live in Cuba at the time, asking Hemingway for his autograph as a souvenir.
Hemingway looked down on the businessman, so he wrote down his name on the beach with his stick saying,“It depends on whether you can carry it away with you or not. ”
簽名
一個美國房地產商人去找當時移居古巴的海明威，想要他的親筆簽名作為留念。
海明威瞧不起這個商人，就用手杖在沙灘上寫下了自己的名字，說：“就看你能不能把它帶走了。”
8 You Have Already Beacome a Great Man
Einstein once wrote a letter to Charlie Chaplin. He wrote,“Your film The Modern Times, everybody in the world can understand. You will certainly become a great man. Einstein. ”
In his answer to the letter Charlie Chaplin wrote,“I admire you even more. Your Theory of Relativity, nobody in the world understands, but you have already become a great man. Chaplin. ”
你已經成了偉人
愛因斯坦曾經給查理·卓別林寫過一封信。他寫道：“你的電影《摩登時代》，世界上每個人都能看懂。你肯定會成為偉人。愛因斯坦。”
查理·卓別林在回信中寫道：“我更欽佩你。你的相對論，雖然世界上沒有人能懂，但你已經成了偉人。卓別林。”
9 What Are You Really Thinking about
At a party, George Bernard Shaw was intent on his mind. Out of curiosity, a rich man sitting next to him asked,“Mr. Bernard Shaw, I wanna offer one dollar to inquire what you are thinking about. ”
Bernard Shaw replied,“What I’m thinking about is not worth one dollar. ”
The rich man was even more curious,“So, what are you really thinking about? ”
George Bernard Shaw replied serenely,“I’m thinking about you! ”
你在想什麼
一次晚會上，蕭伯納正在專心想事。坐在旁邊的一個富翁出於好奇，問道：“蕭伯納先生，我願出一美元，來打聽你在想什麼。”
蕭伯納回答說：“我想的東西不值一美元。”
富翁更加好奇了：“那你究竟在想什麼呢？”
蕭伯納平靜地答道：“我在想著你呢！”
10 You Should Pay Double Tuition
A young man asked Socrates to teach him the technique of lect‐ uring.
In order to show that he was an eloquent speaker, the young man talked on and on about all irrelevant matters.
“You should pay me double the tuttion fees.”said Socrates.
“Why? Why should I pay double?”the young man said in surprise.
“Because,”Socrates said humorously,“I must teach you two courses: one is how to close your mouth, the other is how to lecture. ”
你應該付雙倍的學費
一個年輕人請蘇格拉底教他演講術。為了表現自己是個口若懸河的演說家，這個年輕人就誇誇其談，滔滔不絕地說著不著邊際的話。
“你應該付給我兩倍的學費。”蘇格拉底說。
“為什麼？為什麼我應該付你兩倍的學費呢？”這個年輕人非常吃驚地說。
“因為我要教你兩門功課：一門是怎樣閉嘴，另一門是怎樣演講。”蘇格拉底幽默地說。
11 I Have Continually to Bow
Rossini was the famous Italian composer of the 19th century. He was in the habit of taking off his hat whenever he met an old acquaintance.
One day, a composer brought a manuscript to Rossini, who, on listening, every minute took off his hat and put it on again. The composer asked whether it was so hot in the room.
“No, ”said Rossini.“but there are so many acquaintances I remember in your composition, that I have continually to bow. ”
不斷致意
羅西尼是19世紀著名的意大利作曲家，他有見了熟人就脫帽的習慣。
有一天，一位作曲家拿了一份手稿來見他。羅西尼一邊聽，一邊不停地脫帽戴帽。那位作曲家不解地問是否因為房間很熱。
“不,”羅西尼說，“我在你的作品裏看到太多熟人了，所以我得不斷致意。”
12 Stamp
A Paris advertising agency wanted an art designer, requiring the applicants to send three proud recent works: a line drawing, a sketch and a graphic design.
A few days later, the company received the application of the sculptor Rodin, but there were only a line drawing and a sketch. How was a graphic design missing? They all wondered.
At this point, it was found that in the envelope there was a note that read,“My graphic design is a counterfeit stamp on the envelope.”