在回家的路上，丈夫問妻子：“醫生都說些什麼了？”
“他說你快死啦。”妻子回答說。
13 Brother in South America
Mr. William taught English at a school. At the beginning of his lesson, he liked to have one of his students give a report on any subject.
When it was Jack’s turn, he told his audience about his elder brother who was a local worker. But during the report, his eyes were staring at the world map on the wall all the time. Mr. William knew that Jack didn’t look at the audience because he was nervous. He said to Jack,“We can see you miss your brother very much. But is he OK now in South America？”
南美洲的哥哥
威廉先生在一所學校教英語。每次開始上課，他都喜歡叫一個學生上講台演講，題材不限。
輪到傑克演講時，他向聽眾講起了他在當地工作的哥哥。但在講述過程中，傑克的眼睛一直盯著牆上的世界地圖。
威廉先生知道傑克是因為緊張才不看聽眾。他對傑克說：“我們能看出你非常想念你的哥哥，他目前在南美洲還好嗎？”
14 Don’t Eat a Person Who Is Working
Five cannibals (Man eaters)get appointed as programmers in an IT company.
During the welcoming ceremony the boss says,“You’re all part of our team now. You can earn good money, and you can go to the company canteen for something to eat. So don’t trouble the other employees. ”
Four weeks later the boss returns and says,“You’re all working very hard, and I’m very satisfied with all of you. One of our developers has disappeared however. Do any of you know what happened to her？”The cannibals disown all knowledge of the missing developer.
After the boss has left, the leader of the cannibals says to the others,“Which of you idiots ate the developer？”
One of the cannibals raises his hand hesitantly, to which the leader of the cannibals says.“You FOOL！For four weeks we’ve been eating team leaders, managers, and project managers and no one has noticed anything. And now you ate one developer and it got noticed. So hereafter please don’t eat a person who is working. ”
別吃幹活的人
五個食人者被一家信息技術公司招為程序員。
在歡迎會上，老總說：“你們現在已經是我們中的一員了，在這兒你們可以賺大錢，你們可以到公司食堂找東西吃，所以不要打其他員工的主意了。”
四周之後，老總返回來說道：“你們工作都很賣力，我感到很滿意，可是我們的一個程序開發員失蹤了，你們有人知道是怎麼回事嗎？”食人者們都說沒見過那個失蹤的程序開發員。
老總離開後，食人者的頭兒道：“哪個傻瓜吃了那個程序開發員？”
一個食人者猶猶豫豫地舉起了手。他們的頭兒說：“你這個蠢貨，四周來，我們吃了好幾個管事的——組長、經理、項目經理，都沒有被發現。現在你竟然吃了程序開發員，結果被注意到了。從現在開始，不要吃幹活的人！”
15 Musical Interlude
The symphony orchestra was performing Beethoven’s Ninth. In the piece, there’s a long passage, about 20 minutes, during which the bass violinists have nothing to do. Rather than sit around that that whole time looking stupid, some bassists decided to sneak offstage and go to the tavern next door for a quick one.
After slamming several beers in quick succession, one of them looked at his watch and said,“Hey! we need to go back!”
“No need to panic, ”said a fellow bassist,“I thought we might need some extra time, so I tied the last few pages of the conductor’s score together with string. It’ll take him a few minutes to get it untangled. ”
A few moments later they staggered back to the concert hall and took their places in the orchestra. About this time, a member of the audience noticed the conductor seemed a bit edgy, and said as much to her companion.“Well, of course, ”said her companion,“don’t you see？ It’s the bottom of the Ninth, the score is tied, and the bassists are loaded. ”
音樂插曲
交響樂團正在演奏貝多芬第九交響曲。其中，有一個章節大約長達二十分鍾，低音小提琴不用演奏。一些低音小提琴手不願傻傻地坐著，決定開溜到隔壁酒館快速喝上一杯。
接連豪飲幾杯啤酒後，一個低音小提琴手看了看表說：“嗨！該回去了！”“不用急，”另一個低音小提琴手說，“我覺得我們會多待一會兒，所以拿線把指揮的譜子縫起來了。要弄開得花好幾分鍾功夫呢。
幾分鍾後，他們幾個踉踉蹌蹌地回到音樂廳，找到位置坐好。大概這時，一位觀眾發覺指揮看上去有點不安，跟她的同伴說了很多。“嗯，當然，”同伴說，“你沒有看到嗎？第九交響曲快演奏完了，譜子給縫上了 ，低音小提琴手也都喝醉了。”
16 Got any Duck Food？
One day a convenience store worker was sitting not doing much. At 2 o’clock the doors swing open and a duck walks in.
“Do you have any duck food？”the duck asks.
“No we don’t have any duck food. ”
“Okay, thanks anyway.”says the duck, and walks out.
The next day at 2 o’clock the doors swing open again, and the same duck walks in.
“Got any duck food？”he asks.
The clerk is a little annoyed,“No! We don’t have anyduck food!”
“Fine. ”the duck says and walks out.
The third day at 2 o’clock the doors swing open and the duck walks in and asks,“Got any duck food？”
By now the clerk is getting very annoyed.“No. ”he yells,“We don’t have any duck food! We didn’t have any yesterday, we don’t have any today and we won’t have any tomorrow! And if you come in here again and ask if we have any duck food, I’ll nail your little wet feet to the floor!!!”
All the duck does is to turn and walk out the door.
On the forth day at 2 o’clock the doors swing open and the duck walks in.“Got any nails？”the duck asks.
“No, we don’t have nails. ”
“Well then, ”the duck says,“got any duck food？”
有鴨食嗎？
一天，一家便利店的店員坐在那裏無所事事，下午兩點門開了，一隻鴨子走了進來。
鴨子問：“你們這裏有鴨食嗎？”
“沒有，我們這裏沒有鴨食。”
“好，謝謝。”說完，鴨子走出了門。
第二天同一時間，門又打開了，還是那隻鴨子又走了進來。
“有鴨食嗎？”鴨子問。
店員有點兒惱火：“沒有！我們這裏沒有鴨食！”
“好。”鴨子走了出去。
第三天又是這個時候，那隻鴨子又推開店門走了進來，問：“有鴨食嗎？”
這下子，那個店員真的被惹惱了，大聲吼道：“沒有，我們這裏從來都沒有鴨食！我們昨天沒有，今天沒有，明天也不會有！如果你再進來要什麼鴨食，我就把你的鴨掌釘在地板上！！！”
鴨子一聲未吭，走出了店門。
第四天下午兩點，那隻鴨子又推門走了進來，問道：“你們這裏有釘子嗎？”
“沒有，我們這裏沒有釘子。”
鴨子說：“那你們這裏有鴨食嗎？”
17 Duck Hunting
Five doctors went duck hunting one day.Induced in the group were a general practice(GP)physician, a pediatrician, a psychiatrist, a surgeon and a pathologist.
After a time, a bird came winging overhead. The first to react was the GP who raised his shotgun, but then hesitated.
“I’m not quite sure it’s a duck. ”he said,“I think that I will have to get a second opinion.”And of course by that time, the bird was long gone.
Another bird appeared in the sky thereafter. This time, the pediatrician drew a bead on it.He, too, however, was unsure if it was really a duck in his sights and besides, it might have babies.
“I’ll have to do some more investigations, he muttered, as the creature made good its escape.
Next to spy a bird flying was the sharp‐eyed psychiatrist. Shotgun shouldered, he was more certain of his intended prey’s identity.“Now, I know it’s a duck, but does it know it’s a duck？”The fortunate bird disappeared while the fellow wrestled with this dilemma.
Finally, a fourth fowl sped past and this time the surgeon’s weapon pointed skywards. BOOM! The surgeon lowered his smoking gun and turned nonchalantly to the pathologist beside him.“Go see if that was a duck, will you？”
獵雁
一天，全科醫生、兒科醫生、精神病醫生、外科醫生和病理學醫生一行五人去打大雁。
過了一會兒，一隻大雁飛到了他們的頭頂。第一個對此作出反應的是全科醫生。他舉起獵槍，可又猶豫起來。“我拿不準那是不是一隻大雁，”他說，“我想我必須聽聽另一位醫生的意見。”當然，這時大雁早已飛得無影無蹤。
之後，又有一隻大雁出現在天空中。這次是兒科醫生舉槍瞄準。然而，他也拿不準所瞄準的是否真的是大雁。此外，那隻鳥可能懷著小鳥。“我必須得做進一步調查。”他喃喃說道，這時那隻鳥已經溜之大吉。
隨後是眼尖的精神病醫生看到了飛鳥。他用肩扛住獵槍，比其他人更清楚自己瞄準的獵物是什麼。“現在，我知道它是一隻大雁，可它知不知道自己是一隻大雁呢？”正當他絞盡腦汁進退兩難想這一難題時，那隻幸運的鳥已經飛走了。
最後，第四隻大雁快速飛過。這次是外科醫生把獵槍對準了天空。砰！外科醫生放下槍口還在冒煙的獵槍，扭過頭，麵無表情地對身邊的病理學醫生說：“去看看那是不是一隻大雁，好嗎？”
18 Make a Bet
Colonel Stone had always thought he was extremely clever.“If I weren’t such a brainy guy, ”he mused,“should I be a colonel？ If I weren’t intelligent, would my subordinates obey my orders？”
Now everything was changed. Young Lieutenant Faith was to blame. He would come up to him with an innocent look in his eyes and ask,“Do you know what the speed of light is, sir？”and then, “I disagree, sir, shall we bet on it？”Other bets followed and Colonel Stone found himself in a rather awkward situation.Not only did he begin to think of himself as an ignorant old fool, but his financial situation went from bad to worse.“If this sort of thing goes on, ”he thought,“I’ll have an inferiority complex.”
He got in touch with Colonel Help, a friend of his, and told him everything.
“Send him to me! I will teach the impudent fellow a lesson!”said the Colonel Help.
The next day, as the young man appeared in his study, the colonel smiled and said,“Lieutenant Faith, what are you staring at me for？”
“Er...well, sir, I’ve just noticed you’re color‐blind and I’m thinking that...”
“What？ I'm color‐blind？ Don’t be an ass!”
“Yes, this morning you put on a pair of pink pants without realizing it.”
“I can bet you 200 dollars my pants are white.”said the colonel with a malicious smile.
“I accept the bet,”said the lieutenant,“though I hate de‐ priving you of your money.”
“Depriving me of my money？ Let’s check on that!”said the high‐ranking officer and pressed his finger on a button.
The group of officers that entered the room a few seconds later saw an unusual sight: their commanding officer was standing in the middle of the room, waving his trousers, and roaring,“What color are my pants？”
“White!”answered all the officers who could hardly believe their eyes and ears.
“Snow white.”echoed Lieutenant Faith.
“You’ve lost 200 dollars, young man, it serves you right!”
He snatched the receiver, dialed the right number and told Colonel Stone what had happened.
“I’ve never met such a fool as you are!”roared a voice at the other end,“Hasn’t it occurred to you he had a jolly good reason for losing 200 dollars？ You see, he bet me 1,000 dollars he would make you take off your trousers the moment he saw you. What an ass you are! I should have known!”