打賭
斯通上校總認為自己特別聰明。他心裏想：“要不是我聰明透頂，怎麼能當上校呢？要不是我聰明過人，部下又怎麼肯聽我的命令呢？”
現在一切都發生了變化，這要怪年輕的菲斯中尉。他常常帶著天真的神情來到上校麵前問：“先生，你知道光速是多少嗎？”接著又說：“先生，我不同意。我們打個賭好嗎？”類似這樣的賭一個接一個。斯通上校覺得自己處於一種非常尷尬的境地。他不僅開始懷疑自己是老糊塗，而且他的經濟狀況也每況愈下。“如果這種狀況繼續下去，”他想，“我一定會有自卑感。”
他跟他的朋友赫爾帕上校取得了聯係，把一切都告訴了他。“把他送到我這裏來！我要教訓教訓這個放肆的家夥！”赫爾帕上校說。
第二天，年輕人來到他的書房。上校微微一笑說：“菲斯中尉，你盯著我看什麼？”
“呃……噢，先生，我剛才注意到你是色盲。我在想……”
“什麼？我色盲？別傻了！”
“是的，今天早上你穿了一條粉紅色短褲，你還不知道。”
“我可以跟你賭兩百美元，我的短褲是白色的。”上校不懷好意地笑道。
“我同意打這個賭，”菲斯中尉說，“盡管我不喜歡讓你輸錢。”
“讓我輸錢？那就等著瞧！”這個高級軍官說著，按了一下電鈕。幾秒鍾後，進來了一批軍官。他們看到的是一個非同尋常的景象：他們的指揮官站在屋子中央，揮舞著褲子，高聲喊道：“我的短褲是什麼顏色？”
在場的軍官簡直不相信自己的眼睛和耳朵，齊聲答道：
“白色！”
“雪白色。”菲斯中尉隨聲附和說。
“你輸了兩百美元，年輕人，這是你自找的！”
上校一把抓起話筒，撥通號碼，告訴了斯通上校這裏發生的一切。
“我從來沒見過你這樣的傻瓜！”電話那頭吼道。
“你就沒想到他有充分理由輸掉兩百美元？我早就該知道他跟我賭了一千美元，說一見到你就能讓你把褲子脫下來。你就是個傻瓜！”
19 The First Class Cabin
A man boards a cross‐country flight and settles himself in the first class cabin for the trip. A flight attendant soon approaches him and says,“Sir, I’m sorry, but I see that your ticket is for coach, and you’re seated in first class. I’m afraid you’ll have to move. ”
The man replies,“I’m a wrestler, and I’m going to New York to play professional wrestling.”and shows no signs of moving.
Frustrated, the attendant informs the captain.“I’ll deal with the problem. ”The captain says. He turns over flight control, walks to the rear, and observes the man seated comfortably in first class. Approaching him with a smile, the captain leans over and speaks quietly into the man’s ear. Almost immediately, the man gathers his things, gets up, and moves quickly to the coach compartment.
Slightly amazed, the flight attendant asks the captain,“Captain, I’m impressed. What did you say to him？”
The captain smiles and says,“I just told him that the first class cabin doesn’t go to New York. ”
頭等艙
有個人登上了一個國內航班。他在頭等艙內坐下來，準備在那裏度過整個旅途。乘務員馬上來到他麵前說：“很抱歉，先生，你買的是二等艙，這裏是頭等艙，恐怕你得挪開。”
那人回答道：“我是一名摔跤手，要到紐約參加職業摔跤比賽。”之後，並沒有挪動的意思。
失望之餘，乘務員把這件事報告了機長。“我來處理這件事。”機長說著把機控手柄交給其他人，走到後麵，看到那人怡然自得地坐在頭等艙裏。機長麵帶微笑走近那個人，傾過身在那入耳邊輕輕說了幾句話。那個人馬上收拾東西，站起身，立馬挪到了二等艙。
乘務員有些驚訝，便問機長：“機長，我真佩服您。您對他說了什麼？”
機長微微一笑，說：“我隻是對他說頭等艙不去紐約。”
20 The Bad Day
There’s a guy sitting at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half an hour.
Soon, a big trouble‐making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down.
The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says,“Come on, man, I was just joking. Here, I’ll buy you another drink. I just can’t stand seeing a man crying. ”
“No, it’s not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I’m late to my office. My boss, in an outrage, fires me. When I leave the building to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police say they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home and when I leave it. I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away. I go home and when I get there. I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home and come to this bar. And when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison. ”
糟糕的一天
一個小夥子坐在酒吧裏，盯著他的酒發呆。他保持那個姿勢快半小時了。
突然，一個愛搗亂的卡車司機走到他身旁，從他手中奪過酒，一口氣把它喝幹了。
那個可憐的人哭了起來。司機說：“得了吧，兄弟，我隻是開個玩笑，我給你再買一杯酒。我最受不了看一個大男人哭。”
“不，不是那樣的。今天是我一生中最糟糕的日子。首先，我睡過頭了，上班遲到，我的老板一怒之下開除了我。當我離開大樓找我的車子時，發現它已經被人偷走了。警察說他們無能為力。然後我叫了輛出租車回家，下車後才想起我把我的錢包和信用卡忘車上了，可出租車已經開走了。之後，我回到家卻發現我的妻子和園丁躺在床上。最後我離開家，來到這家酒吧。正當我考慮結束我的生命的時候，你卻出現把我的毒藥喝掉了。”
21 Two Smart Blind Men
One dark night, two blind men were going home from work.“I need to buy some socks.”said one of them suddenly,“Let’s stop at the shop on the corner. ”
“OK, ”replied the other,“I think I’ll buy two or three pairs myself too. ”
In the shop, the shop‐assistant asked them,“What size do you wear, sir, and what color would you like？ ”
“Size eleven. Give me one pair of black socks and two pairs of white, please. ”answered one of them.
“And you, sir？ ”the shop assistant asked the other customer.
“The same for me. I wear size eleven, too.So same color, same number. ”said the second blind man.
A moment later they were back in the dark streets, each man with the socks he had borght. But just then, a boy riding a bicycle bumped into them. And what do you think happened？
The blind men dropped all the socks on the ground! All the six pairs—black and white all mixed up. The boy quickly apologized and left. The two blind men picked up all the socks,but could tell which were black and which were white. How could they be sure that each of them got one pair of black socks and two pairs of white？
They tried ask for help. But there was no one else in the streets ask, so what could they do？
One of them soon found a solution. Can you guess what it was？
They separated each pair of socks and both took one sock from each pair. When they got home, each of them had two black socks and four white ones of the same size—just what they wanted. Weren’t they smart？
兩個聰的盲人
一個漆黑的夜晚，兩個盲人正準備下班回家。其中一個人說：“我得買幾雙短襪，我們在前麵拐角的商店停一下吧。”
“好的，我想我也應該買兩三雙了。”
商店售貨員問他們：“先生，請問您穿幾號的襪子？您想要什麼顏色的？”
其中一個人回答說：“十一號的，要一雙黑的，兩雙白的。”
“先生，您呢？”售貨員問另一個人。
“我也一樣，十一號的，一雙黑的，兩雙白的。”另一個盲人說道。
過了一會兒，兩個人帶著他們的襪子回到了漆黑的街上。突然，一個男孩兒騎著自行車猛地撞向他們。你猜接下來發生了什麼？
兩個盲人的襪子全掉地上了！六雙襪子——黑的白的全混在一起了。那個男孩兒匆忙地道了歉離開了。兩個盲人揀起所有的襪子，但沒辦法分辨哪雙是黑的，哪雙是白的。他們會怎樣確保他們拿到的是一雙黑的和兩雙白的呢？他們想向別人求助，但是街上空無一人，他們到底會怎麼辦呢？
其中一個人很快想到了辦法。你猜得到嗎？
他們把每雙襪子都拆開了，每個人拿走其中的一隻。這樣，他們回家之後，每個人都有兩隻黑襪子和四隻白襪子了，正如他們所希望的那樣。他們是不是很聰明啊？
22 An Affair
This woman was having an affair during the day while her husband was at work.
One day she was in bed with her boyfriend and she heard her husband’s car pull in the driveway. She yelled at the boyfriend,“Hurry! Grab your clothes and jump out the window. My husband is home early!”The boyfriend looked out the window and said,“I can’t jump out the window！It’s raining like hell out there!”
She said,“If my husband catches us in here, he will kill both of us!”
So the boyfriend grabbed his clothes and jumped out the window. when he landed outside he was in the middle of a Marathon, so he started running along beside the others and only he was still in the nude, carrying his clothes on his arm.
One of the runners asked him,“Do you always run in the nude？”He answered, while gasping for air,“Oh yes. It feels so free having the air blow over your skin while you are running. ”
The other runner then asked the nude man,“Do you always run carrying your clothes on your arm？”The nude guy answered breathlessly,“Oh yes, that way I can get dressed at the end of the run and get in my car to go home!”The runner then asked,“Do you always wear a condom when you run？”The nude guy answered,
“Only if it’s raining. ”
偷情
有個女人趁先生上班時偷偷與情人廝混在床上。
有天兩人還在床上，這個女人聽到她先生車子回家的聲音。她焦急地叫她的情人：“趕快拿著你的衣服，跳窗戶吧。”他的情人一看：“外頭下大雨你叫我跳出去？”“我先生如果逮到我們兩個，我們必死無疑。”她的情人隻好拿起衣服，從窗戶跳了出去。結果他縱身一跳竟然跳入一群馬拉鬆選手中。他隻好一麵提著衣服，一邊加入跑步中。
有個選手問他：“你習慣裸奔嗎？”他喘著氣地回答說：“是啊，這樣一來你可感覺到風輕拂過你的肌膚。”
另一個選手又問這個裸奔的男子：“你跑步時都會把衣物拿在手上嗎？”他有點透不過氣來地回答，“是啊，這樣一來，比賽完我就可穿上衣服，開車回家。”該選手又問道：“你通常都戴著保險套跑步嗎？”這個裸體男子說：“隻有在下雨的時候才戴。”
23 Where is rice from？
Marshal is a Billionaire,He has two sons. They are stupid. But Matthew think they are smart, and very cherished them.
One day, a man named Cliff said to Marshal,“Your sons are so stupid and know nothing about the world. How can they take your property over after your death？”
Hearing these words, Marshal became a little bit angry. He said, “Everyone says my sons are very smart and praises them for their good virtue. What you say is sheer nonsense! ”
“Then let’s test them. Ok？”Cliff suggested.
Marshal agreed.
Marshal called his two sons before Cliff, who asked the question, “Do you know where rice comes from？”
The elder son smiled and answered,“Anyone with sense knows the answer, that rice comes from the kitchen.”
The younger son blinked and said, “You’re wrong! How can you say rice comes from the kitchen! It indeed comes from the bag.”
Marshal looked at his sons and turned red with anger.
“You both are so silly! Why don’t you ask me when you don’t know the right answer？ You are both wrong! Rice comes neither from the kitchen nor from the bag, it comes from the barn!”
米從何來
有一個富翁名叫馬歇爾，他有兩個兒子都很笨。可是馬歇爾還是把兩個兒子視為掌上明珠。
一天， 有一個叫柯利弗的對富翁說：“您這兩位少爺整天稀裏糊塗，以後怎麼接管家業呢？”
馬歇爾聽了很不高興，說：“真是豈有此理，我的兒子多聰明呀，當麵誰不誇他們聰明過人！”
柯利弗笑道：“那我們來考考他們吧？”
馬歇爾同意了，於是把兩個兒子找來。
柯利弗問：“你們說大米從哪兒來的？”
老大嬉笑回答說：“這誰不知道！是從廚房來的！”
老二眨了眨眼睛說：“不對！怎麼是從廚房來的呢？大米是從口袋倒出來的。”
馬歇爾看看老大，又看看老二，氣得漲紅了臉，罵道：“兩個蠢材，不知道也不問問我，怎麼可以在客人麵前胡說呢？告訴你們，大米不是從廚房來的，也不是從口袋倒出來的，是從咱們的糧倉來的。”