Teacher: When is your birthday？
Kid: February 5.
Teacher: Which year？
Kid: Every year.
生日
老師：“你的生日是什麼時候？”
孩子：“2月5日。”
老師：“哪一年？”
孩子：“每年都是。”
Teacher: Carl, go to the map and find North America.
Carl: Here it is!
Teacher: Correct. Now, class, who discovered America？
Class: Carl!
誰發現了美洲
老師：“卡爾，走到地圖前，找到北美洲在什麼地方。”
卡爾：“在這裏！”
老師：“正確。那麼，同學們，是誰發現了美洲？”
全班同學：“卡爾！”
Foreman: Sir, the employees are complaining that the lunches in the cafe are smaller these days.
Manager: Nonsense, They only look smaller since the cafe was enlarged.
顯得少了
工頭：先生，雇員們都抱怨這幾天飯堂裏午餐分量越來越少了。
經理：瞎說，因為餐廳擴建了，午餐分量才顯得少了。
Judge: When you were committing the theft, did you not spare a thought for your wife and daughter？
Defendant: I did, Your Honor.But there were only men’s clothes in the shop.
隻有男裝
法官：你偷竊時就沒有替你的妻子和女兒想想嗎？
被告：想過，法官大人。可是，店裏隻有男裝。
Two attorneys met on the street.
“How’s business？”the first asked.
“Rotten!”the pessimist replied downheartedly,“I just chased an ambulance ten miles and found a lawyer inside.”
糟透了
兩個律師在街頭相遇。
“生意怎麼樣？”第一個問。
“糟透了！”那個悲觀者消沉地答道，“我剛才追一輛救護車追了十英裏，卻發現裏麵是一個律師。”
An accountant is having a hard time sleeping and goes to see his doctor.
“Doctor, I just can’t get to sleep at night.”
“Have you tried counting sheep？”
“That’s the problem—I make a mistake and then spend four hours trying to find it.”
數羊
一名會計師有很嚴重的睡眠問題，便去看醫生。
“醫生，晚上我睡不著。”
“你試過數羊嗎？”
“這就是問題所在——當我數錯時，我便會花四個鍾頭試著去找在哪裏出了錯。”
Distributing chewing gum to the passengers, the stewardess explained it was to keep their ears from popping.
When the plane landed, one of the passengers rushed up to her and said,“I’m meeting my wife right away. How do I get the gum out of my ears？”
怎樣把口香糖取出來
空中小姐給每位乘客發口香糖的時候，解釋說口香糖有助於他們防止耳鳴。
飛機著陸後，一位乘客跑到這位空中小姐麵前，說道：“我馬上就要見到我妻子了。我怎麼才能把口香糖從耳朵裏麵取出來呢？”
A man went to an eye specialist to get his eyes tested and asked, “Doctor, shall I be able to read after wearing glasses？”
“Yes, of course. ”said the doctor, “Why not？”
“Oh, how nice it will be, ”said the patient with joy.“I have been illiterate so long.”
戴上眼鏡後能閱讀
一個人到眼科醫生那裏檢查時，問道：“醫生，我戴上眼鏡後能閱讀嗎？”
“當然能。”醫生答道，“為什麼不能呢？”
“哦，真是太好了。”病人高興地說，“這麼長時間我都不識字呢。”
The doctor told Uncle Fudd that if he ran five railes a day for 300 days, he would lose 65 pounds.At the end of 300 days, Uncle Fudd called the doctor to report he had lost theweight, but he had a problem.
“What’s the problem？”asked the doctor.
“I’m 1, 500 miles from home.”
減肥
醫生告訴法德叔叔說，如果以一天跑五英裏跑上三百天，他就可以減肥六十五磅。三百天結束時，法德叔叔給醫生打電話向他報告說，他已經減肥了，但他遇到一個問題。
“什麼問題？”醫生問道。
“我離家有一千五百英裏了。”
A man whose store had been robbed the night before was talking with a detective assigned to the case.
“Thank goodness the robber didn’t break in the night before last. ”said the storekeeper.
“Why？”asked the detective.
“Well, ”explained the storekeeper,“yesterday morning I marked everything down 40 percent.”
降價40%
一家商店前一天晚上被盜，第二天店主正與負責此案的偵探交談。
“謝天謝地，幸好強盜前天晚上沒來。”店主說。
“為什麼？”偵探問。
“哦，”店主解釋說，“昨天早上，我在每件商品上標上了降價40％。”
On our way to a wedding in Vermont, my husband Charles and I realized we had forgotten our camera. We stopped at a general store and hoping to purchase a cheap, disposable model. Charles asked the owner, “Do you have any of those throwaway cameras？”
“Look, fella, ”replied the owner,“I don’t care what you do with it after you buy it.”
照相機
在前往威蒙特參加一個婚禮的路上，我和丈夫查爾斯意識到我們忘了帶照相機。
我們在一家百貨商店門前停了下來，希望能夠買到一種便宜的一次性照相機。
查爾斯問店主：“你們有那種用完就扔的照相機嗎？”
“我說，小夥子，”店主回答說，“我可不管你買回去怎麼處理它。”
Before a burglary trial, the judge explained to the defend‐ ant,“You can let me try your case, or you can choose to have a jury of your peers.”
The man thought for a moment.“What are peers？”he asked.
“They’re people just like you—your equals.”
“Forget it.”retorted the defendant,“I don’t want to be trialed by a bunch of thieves.”
審判
在審判一樁偷盜案前，法官向被告解釋說：“你可以讓我審理你的案件，或者你也可以選擇與你地位相等的人作你的陪審團。”
那人想了一會兒，問道：“什麼是地位相等的人？”
“他們就是像你一樣的人——與你同等的人。”
“算了吧，”被告反駁說，“我可不想讓一群賊來審判。”
The fried‐chicken restaurant where I was working had a big rush just before closing one day, leaving US with nothing to sell but wings.As I was about to lock the doors, a quietly intoxicated customer came in and ordered dinner. When I asked if wings would be all right, he leaned over the counter and replied,“Lady, I came in here to eat, not fly. ”
翅膀
一天，我工作的炸雞店在關門前出現了一陣搶購狂潮，導致除了雞翅外所有的東西都賣完了。當我正準備鎖門時，一名喝醉了的旅客進來要用餐。我問他是否願意選擇雞翅，他從櫃台上靠過身子來，回答道：“女士，我到這兒來是吃東西的，不是要飛！”
David was telling a friend that he had just lost his job.
“Why did the foreman fire you？”the friend asked in surprise.
“Oh,”David said,“you know how foremen are. They stand with their hands in their pockets watching everybody else work.”
“We all know that.”replied his friend,“But why did he let you go？”
“Jealousy.”answered David,“All the other workers thought I was the foreman.”
領班
大衛告訴他的朋友他剛剛丟了工作。
“領班為啥開除你？”朋友不解地問道。
“哦，”大衛說，“你知道領班都是什麼樣的人。他們總是把手插在口袋裏，站在旁邊看其他人幹活。”