1 We Close at Ten
“Waitress,”shouted the impatient diner,“do I have to sit here and starve all night? ”
“No, sir, we close at ten o’clock.”
我們十點關門
“服務員，”顧客不耐煩地喊道，“我必須整晚坐這兒挨餓嗎？”
“不，先生，我們十點關門。”
2 Burglars Broke into the House
Poet: Burglars broke into my house last night.
Friend: Yes? What happened?
Poet: They searched through every room, then left a $10 bill on my bureau.
盜賊來訪
詩人：“昨晚盜賊闖進了我的屋子。”
朋友：“是嗎？丟了什麼嗎？”
詩人：“他們翻遍了每個房間，然後在我的書桌上留下了一張10美元的鈔票。”
3 A Polite Horse
John: Tom, how was the horse‐riding yesterday?
Tom: Not so bad. But my horse was too polite.
John: Too polite?
Tom: Yes. When we came to a fence, he let me go first.
有禮貌的馬
約翰：湯姆，昨天騎馬騎得怎麼樣？
湯姆：不錯，但我的馬太有禮貌了。
約翰：太有禮貌了？
湯姆：是的。當我們要跨欄時，它讓我先過去了。
4 Have the Money
“How did you plan your future？”
“I became the partner of a rich man. He had the money and I had the experience.”
“How did that help？”
“Now he has the experience and I have the money.”
致富
“你是如何計劃未來的？”
“我成為一個富人的合夥人。他有錢，我有經驗。”
“那如何發揮作用？”
“現在他有經驗，我有錢。”
5 The Man Is Looking for It
A little boy came home with a five‐dollar bill and said he found it.
“Are you sure it was lost?”asked his mother.
“Sure,I’m sure,”said the little boy,“I saw the man looking for it. ”
他正在找呢
一個小男孩拿著一張5美元的鈔票回到家裏，他說是撿到的。
“你肯定這是別人丟的嗎？”他媽媽問。
“當然，我確定，”小男孩說，“我看見那個人正在找呢。”
6 Egges
“How did you make your neighbor keep his hens in his own yard? ”
“One night I hid five eggs under a bush in my garden, and next day I let him see me gather them. I wasn’t bothered after that. ”
雞蛋
“你是如何讓鄰居把他的母雞關在自家院子的？”
“一天夜裏，我在花園的一簇灌木叢下藏了五隻雞蛋。第二天，我讓他看到我把那些雞蛋收了起來。從那以後，我就沒被打攪過。”
7 Kept Coming Back
At the insistence of a reporter, a wealthy man finally decided to reveal the secret of success.“I first became rich by selling homing pigeons. ”he explained.
“Really?”replied the amazed reporter,“How many did you start with?”
“Only one, ”the millionaire answered,“but he kept coming back.”
總是飛回來
在一位記者的堅持下，一名富翁最終決定透露他成功的秘密。“我起先是以賣信鴿發家的。”他解釋說。
“真的嗎？”記者驚訝地反問道，“一開始你有多少隻？”
“隻有一隻，”百萬富翁回答說，“但它總是飛回來。”
8 Good News and Bad News
An artist asked the gallery owner if anyone had shown interest in his paintings.
“I’ve got good news and bad news. ”he said,“The good news is that some guy inquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after you died. When I told him it would, he bought all 12 of your paintings.”
“And the bad news?”
“The guy was your doctor.”
好消息與壞消息
一位畫家向美術館老板打聽是否有人對他的畫感興趣。
“有好消息，也有壞消息。”他說，“好消息是有人詢問你的作品在你死後會不會升值。我告訴他會的，他就把你的十二幅畫全買走了。”
“那壞消息呢？”
“那家夥是你的醫生。”
9 You Should Be Replaced
A famous film director entered a restaurant.
After the meal, the owner asked him for advice,“If I change some of my cooks and their dishes still can’t attract more customers, what shall I do?”
The director thought for a minute and replied,“In our film studio, if we continue to lose audience with the changes of some actors, the director will get replaced. ”
你應該被替換
一位著名電影導演走進一家飯店。
飯後，飯店老板向他請教：“如果更換幾個廚師，飯菜仍不能吸引顧客，我應該怎麼辦？”
導演想了一分鍾，回答說：“在我們電影製片廠，如果更換一些演員仍失去觀眾，我們就更換導演。”
10 How to Get a Seat by the Fire
Mr.Jack came to an inn on a very cold day, and could get no room near the fire.
He called to the hostler to fetch a peck of oysters, and give them to his horse.
“Will your horse eat oysters?”said the hostler.
“Try him.”said Mr. Jack.
Immediately the people ran to see this wonder, and Mr. Jack who alone remained in the room, chose the best seat by the fire and made himself comfortable.
怎樣在火爐旁找個好座位
在一個寒冷的冬天，傑克先生來到一家小客棧，發現火爐旁邊已經沒有空位了。
於是，他讓旅店的夥計去拿些牡蠣來喂他的馬。
“您的馬吃牡蠣嗎？”夥計問道。
“你試著喂喂吧。”傑克先生回答。
頃刻間，人們都跑去看這一奇觀，傑克先生則獨自呆在屋裏，他在火爐旁找了個最好的座位，舒舒服服地坐在那兒取暖了。
11 It Hurts
Carl’s mother ran into the bedroom when she heard him scream and found his three‐year older sister pulling his hair. She gently released the little girl’s grip and said comfortingly to Carl,“There, there. She doesn’t mean to hurt you. She doesn’t know that hurts. ”
She was barely out of the room when the little girl screamed. Rush in a back in, she asked,“What happened?”
“She knows now.”Carl replied.
疼
當聽到卡爾的尖叫時，卡爾的媽媽跑進臥室，看見比卡爾大三歲的姐姐正在扯他的頭發。她慢慢鬆開小女孩的拉扯，安慰卡爾說：“過來，過來。她不是有意那樣做的，她隻是不知道那樣很疼。”
她剛剛離開房間就聽小女孩尖叫起來。她趕緊跑回去問：“發生什麼事了？”
“她現在知道了。”卡爾答道。
12 Is He Really Ill
On a hot summer day an elderly gentleman faints in the street.A small crowd immediately gathers around him.
“Give the poor man a glass of whiskey. ”advises a woman.
“Give him a heart massage. ”says someone else.
“No, just give him some whiskey. ”insists the woman.“Call an ambulance. ”yells another person.
“A whiskey!”The man suddenly sits up and exclaims.“Shut up, everybody, and do as the kind lady says!”
他真病了嗎
在一個炎熱的夏天，一個上了年紀的男子昏倒在街頭，一群人馬上圍了上去。
“給這個可憐的人一杯威士忌吧。”一位女士建議。
“給他做一下心髒按摩。”另外一個人說。
“不，還是給他一些威士忌。”那位女士堅持說。
“還是叫一輛救護車吧。”有人喊起來。
“一杯威士忌！”地上的那個人坐起來嚷道，“都閉上嘴，就照那位好心的太太說的去做！”
13 Sharing on the Train
A Frenchman, an Englishman, an American, and a lawyer were sitting on a train.
The Frenchman offered everyone some of his baguette, then threw it out the window, saying,“Don’t worry, we have plenty of those where I come from.”
The Englishman offered everyone a Sandwich, then threw the rest out of the window, saying,“Don’t worry, we have plenty of those where I come from.”
Then the American threw the lawyer out of the window, saying...
火車上的共享
一名法國人、一名英國人、一名美國人和一名律師坐在同一輛火車上。
法國人遞給每人一些他帶的法國長棍麵包，然後把它扔出窗外，說：“不用擔心，在我來的地方，這樣的東西我們有很多。”
英國人遞給每人一個三明治，然後把剩下的全扔出窗外，說：“不用擔心，在我來的地方，這樣的東西我們有很多。”
然後美國人把律師扔出窗外，說……
14 Letter from A Fool
Mr. Anthony entered Plymouth Church one Sunday and found several letters awaiting him. He opened one and found it contained the single word“fool”.Quietly and with becoming seriousness he announced to the congregation the fact in these word:
“I have known many an instance of a man writing a letter and forgetting to sign his name, but this is the only instance I have ever known of a man signing his name and forgetting to write the letter. ”
傻瓜來信
一個星期天，安東尼先生上普利茅斯的教堂去，在那裏有他的幾封信。他打開其中一封，發現信中隻寫著“傻瓜”兩個字。他平靜而認真地把這件事告訴教友們，他這樣說：
“寫信時忘了簽名的人，我倒遇見過很多，但隻簽了名卻忘了寫信的人，我卻是頭一次遇到。”
15 To Bury the Goldfish
Little Cathy was in the garden filling in a hole when her neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the cheeky‐faced youngster was doing, he politely asked,“What are you up to there, Cathy?”