1 Fresh Milk
Customer: I wonder if this milk is fresh.
Waiter: Fresh？ Three hours ago it was grass!
新鮮奶
顧客：我想知道這牛奶是否新鮮。
侍者：新鮮？三小時前它還是草呢！
2 Argue
A pair of economists went to a restaurant for lunch.
“Never mind the food.”one said to the waitress,“Just bring us the bill, so we can argue about it.”
爭論
兩名經濟學家走進一家飯店吃午飯。
“不要管是什麼菜，”其中一位對女侍者說，“請把賬單拿來，這樣我們就能爭論了。”
3 Do What You Can
In a courtroom, the judge sentenced a criminal to thirty years in prison and the prisoner said,“But Sir, I won’to live that long!”
So the judge replied,“Don’t worry, just do what you can!”
盡力就好
在法庭上，法官宣判某個罪犯要服三十年徒刑。犯人說：“法官，我活不了那麼久啊！”
法官說：“別擔心！你盡力而為就好。”
4 What Should I Do
A man was at the doctor’s office.“Every time I drink a cup of coffee, Doctor, I have a stabbing pain in my right eye. What should I do？”he asked.
“Take the spoon out of your coffee cup. ”answered the doctor.
我該怎麼辦
“醫生，每次我喝咖啡，右眼都有一種刺痛感。我該怎麼辦？”他問道。
“把勺子從咖啡杯裏拿出來。”醫生回答說。
5 Interview God
A reporter covering a coal‐mine disaster filed a story that began: “God looked at the grief today in this little West Virginia mining town, and He wept.”
The city editor emailed back,“Forget the mine cave‐in.Interview God.”
采訪上帝
一名記者報道一次煤礦慘案時，發出的新聞是這樣開始的：
“上帝看著這座小小的西弗吉尼亞礦城今天沉浸在悲痛之中，也禁不住哭泣。”
城裏的編輯回信說：“別再報道礦井坍塌事件了，采訪上帝。”
6 Yes or No
Approaching a passerby, a street bum asked,“Sir, would you give me a hundred dollar for a cup of coffee？”
“That’s ridiculous!”the man replied.
“Just a yes or no, fella, ”the beggar growled.“I don’t need a lecture about how to run my business.”
是與否
街頭流浪漢走近一個行人，問道：“先生，你願意給我一百元買一杯咖啡嗎？”
“真荒唐！”那人答道。
“夥計，隻說行或不行，”乞丐咆哮說，“我不需要誰來教訓我怎樣經營自己的生意。”
7 How to Do It
A schoolgirl was sitting with her feet stretched far out into the aisle, and was busily chewing gum, when the teacher espied her.
“Sheila!”called the teacher sharply.
“Yes, sir？”questioned the girl.
“Take that gum out of your mouth and put your feet in!”
怎樣做
一女生坐在座位上，嘴裏拚命地嚼著口香糖，腳還伸到過道裏，被老師給看見了。
“希拉！”老師大聲地叫她。
“怎麼了，老師？”這個女孩問道。
“把口香糖從嘴裏拿出來，把你的腳放進去！”
8 Sooner or Later
A thief with a long record was brought before the judge.
Judge: Have you ever stolen things？
Thief: Oh, now and then.
Judge: And where have you stolen these things？
Thief: Oh, here and there.
Judge: Right. Lock him up, officer.
Thief: Hey, when do I get out jail？
Judge: Oh, sooner or later.
遲早
一個有一長串案底的小偷被帶到法官麵前。
法官：你有沒有偷東西？
小偷：噢，偶爾。
法官：你在哪兒偷的東西？
小偷：噢，到處。
法官：好吧。把他拷起來，警官。
小偷：嘿，我什麼時候能出獄？
法官：噢，遲早。
9 Let Me Know What You Think
Despite his best sales pitch, a life‐insurance salesman was unable to get a couple to sign up for a policy.
“I certainly don’t want to frighten you into a decision.”he announced, standing up to leave,“Please sleep on it tonight, and if you wake up in the morning, let me know what you think.”
告訴我你們的想法
盡管推銷手段非常高超，但這名人壽保險推銷員還是沒能讓一對夫婦簽下這一單。
“我確實不想嚇唬你們作決定，”他站起來要離開時說，“請今晚睡覺時好好想想，如果你們第二天早上能醒來的話，務必把你們的想法告訴我。”
10 Two Attorneys
Two attorneys went into a diner and ordered two drinks. Then they brought out sandwiches from their briefcases and started to eat. The owner marched over and told them,“You can’t eat your own sandwiches here!”
The attorneys looked at each other, shrugged their shoulders and then exchanged sandwiches.
兩個律師
兩個律師走進一個餐廳要了兩杯飲料，從手提箱中拿出三明治開始吃起來。
餐廳老板走過來警告說：“你們不能在這裏吃自己的三明治。”
兩個律師對看了一眼，聳聳肩，然後交換了手中的三明治。
11 He’s Not Doing Any Digging
The squad was having visual training. One smart recruit was asked by the officer to count how many men composed a digging party in a distant field. The party was so far away that the men appeared as mere dots, but without hesitation the recruit replied,“Sixteen men and a sergeant, sir.”
“Right, but how do you know there’s a sergeant there？”
“He’s not doing any digging, sir.”
他沒有在挖
分隊正在進行視力訓練。一個機靈的新兵被分隊長叫出來，清點遠處曠野上采掘隊的人數。挖掘隊離得很遠，那些人看起來隻是一些小黑點，但這個新兵毫不猶豫地回答說：“16名士兵、一個軍士，長官。”
“不錯，但你怎麼知道那裏有一個軍士？”
“他沒有在挖，隊長。”
12 Connection
When I went to a country inn for lunch, an eager young hostess with a lovely French accent said,“This way, monsieur. ”I’ve spent quite a bit of time in France and always welcome the opportunity to practice the language.
“And what is your connection with France？ ”I asked in French.
Without turning a hair, she replied in perfect English,“Oh, my parents spent their honeymoon there. ”
聯係
我去一家鄉村酒店吃午飯時，一個操著甜美法國口音的年輕女招待說：“先生，這邊請。”我已經在法國度過了相當一段時間，總是期待這種難得的鍛煉語言的機會。
“你和法國有什麼聯係嗎？”我用法語問道。
她連頭也沒回，用完美的英語回答說：“噢，我的父母親曾在那裏度過蜜月。”
13 Keep Secret
A distinguished clergyman and the elders from his congregation attended an out‐of‐town meeting that did not finish until rather late. They decided to have something to eat before going home but unfortunately the only spot open was a seedy bar‐and‐grill with a questionable reputation.
After being served, one of the elders asked the clergyman to say grace. “I’d rather not,”the clergyman said,“I don’t want him to know I’m here. ”
向主保密
一位著名牧師和他教區的幾位老人出席城外會議直到天黑才開完會，他們打算在回家前吃點東西。但很不巧隻有一家名聲不好的下等酒吧烤菜館開著門。
飯後，一位老人要牧師祈禱。“我想還是免了吧，”牧師說，“我不想讓主知道我在這裏。”
14 Make Him a Conductor
My musical director wasn’t happy with the performance of one of our percussionists. Repeated attempts to get the drummr to improve failed. Finally, in front of the orchestra, the director said in frustration,“When a musician just can’t handle his instrument, they take it away, give him two sticks and make him a drummer!”A whisper was heard from the percussion section,“And if he can’t handle that, they take away one of his sticks and make him a conductor. ”
讓他當樂隊指揮
我們的樂隊指揮對一個打擊樂手的表現很不滿意。盡管再三試著讓那個鼓手有所長進卻還是失敗了。最後，在整個管弦樂隊麵前，指揮沮喪地說：“如果一個音樂家就是演奏不好他的樂器，那別人就會把樂器拿走，給他兩根棍子，讓他當一個鼓手！”這時，打擊樂器那塊兒有人咕噥說：“然而如果他連鼓都打不好，那別人就拿走其中一根棍子，讓他當樂隊指揮。”