16 Which Is More Powerful
In 1959, the then vice president Nixon was assigned to host a exposition in Soviet Union. Before his joureny to Soviet Union, the U.S. Congress just passed a resolution that criticized the Former Soviet union and some socialist countries in Eastern Europe. Khrushchev, the leader of the Former Soviet Union was quite unsatisfied with it and wanted to make some troubles.
Not surprisingly, Khrushchev led off for the opposition not long after the US‐Soviet meeting,“I don’t understand why the U.S. Congress passed the resolution before such an important state visit, which reminded me of all Russian proverb—Never eat in the washroom. ”
Then Khrushchev was exploded with,“The resolution stinks as horse dung! Nothing is more powerful than a horse dung powerful. ”
Such coarse language put Nixon in a predicament. But he was equal to the occasion and paid Khrushchev back,“I think you’ve made a mistake. There is something more powerful than horse dung, that is pig manure. ”
An awkward look appeared on Khrushchev’s face. Because he used to be a swineherd when he was young.
什麼東西更臭
1959年，美國時任副總統尼克鬆安排去前蘇聯舉辦一個博覽會。訪問前夕，美國國會剛剛通過了一項決議，譴責了前蘇聯和一些東歐的社會主義國家，前蘇聯領導人赫魯曉夫對此非常不滿，想借機給美國製造點麻煩，讓他們嚐嚐厲害。
毫不意外地，美蘇會晤開始不久後，赫魯曉夫就開始了詰問：“我不明白為什麼美國國會在這麼一次重要的訪問之前通過了那樣一項決議，這讓我想起了一句俄國諺語——永遠不要在洗手間吃東西。”
隨即赫魯曉夫徹底爆發說：“那項決議簡直就是一坨馬糞！沒有比它更臭的了！”
赫魯曉夫粗魯的言語把尼克鬆置於一個尷尬的境地，但他不甘示弱，反唇相譏道：“我覺得你犯了一個錯誤，有比馬糞更臭的東西，那就是豬糞。”
赫魯曉夫臉上浮現出尷尬的表情，因為他小時候曾經當過豬倌。
17 President Anderson and the Devil
One day, while President Anderson was walking along the beach, he happened to find a bottle. Out of curiosity, he opened the bottle and a devil jumped out quickly. Anderson was quite surprised and asked,“Mr. Devil, I saved your life just now, so you can give me three chances to realize my dreams, right？”
The devil shook his head and said,“No, no. You know inflation makes everything more expensive than before. So there is only one chance for you to realize your dream. ”
Without any hesitation, Anderson drew a map from his bosom and pointed to the location of Middle East and said,“Look, this is Middle East. I hope that these countries could stop fighting and achieve peace.”
The devil looked at the map and exclaimed,“Hey, are you joking？ Can’t you see they have been fighting for several thousands years？ I am not mercy enough to do that. I can’t do that, you’d better consider something else.
Anderson thought for a minute and said,“Well, you know no one likes my wife and my wife is stupid and ugly, I hope you can make her the most beautiful woman in the world so that everybody like her.”
“Well, let me look at your map again. ”The devil considered this proposal for long time and said hesitatingly.
安德森總統與魔鬼
一天，安德森總統正在沙灘上散步，撿到了一個瓶子。出於好奇，他打開了瓶子，一個魔鬼立刻冒了出來。
安德森非常吃驚地問道：“魔鬼先生，我剛剛救了你的命，因此你可以實現我三個願望，是嗎？”
魔鬼搖了搖頭說：“哦，不。通貨膨脹使得所有的東西都比原先貴了，因此我隻能實現你一個願望。”
安德森毫不猶豫地從胸口掏出一張地圖，指著中東地區說：“看，這是中東，我希望這些國家能夠停止戰爭，彼此和平共處。”魔鬼看了看地圖，大叫道：“嘿，你在開玩笑嗎？你難道不知道他們都打了上千年了嗎？我可沒那麼好去做那種事。我做不了，你再想個其他的吧。”
安德森想了一會兒說：“好吧，你知道，我妻子又醜又蠢，我希望你能把她變成世界上最美麗的女人，讓所有人都喜歡她。”
魔鬼思索了半天這個提議，然後猶豫地說：“嗯……再讓我看看你那張地圖吧。”
18 Off‐the‐cuff Remarks
One of the great wits of the century was Sir Winston Churchill；the late former prime minister of England. He was an author, an orator, as well as the best known statesman of our time. He could outwit anyone with his off‐the‐cuff remarks.
On one of his visits to America, he was the house guest of President Roosevelt. One morning, he was caught stark naked by the President. Immediately Mr. Roosevelt tried to withdraw so as not to embarrass his guest.
Churchill, as befitting his position, declared,“The Prime Minister of Great Britain has nothing to hide from the President of the United States. ”
On one muggy summer afternoon, during a lengthy debate in the House of Commons, Mr. Churchill apparently dozed off.
One of his colleagues whispered to his neighbor.“The man is really getting old. He can’t walk. He can’t talk. He can’t see. ”Without opening his eyes, Churchill interjected,“They also say he’s deaf too. ”
An irate woman member of the opposition party in Parliament said to Churchill,“If you were my husband, I would put poison in your tea. ”
“If you were my wife, I would gladly drink it. ”snapped back Churchill.
The best known statement made by Mr. Churchill was probably his pronouncement in praise of British fliers and their achievements in World War Ⅱ,“Never in the field of human confict has so much been owed by so many to so few. ”
丘吉爾的即興妙語
英國已故前首相溫斯頓·丘吉爾是上個世紀智慧超群的大師之一。他不僅是最出名的政治家，還是作家和演講家。他的即興妙語更是無人能及。
一次，丘吉爾出訪美國時被邀請到羅斯福總統家中做客。一天清晨，羅斯福總統無意間看到一絲不掛的丘吉爾。羅斯福總統馬上想轉身離開，不讓丘吉爾感到尷尬；丘吉爾卻以英國首相的身份鄭重地說道：“英國首相在美國總統麵前不會掩藏任何事情。”
一個悶熱的夏日午後，英國下議院正在進行一場十分冗長的辯論，丘吉爾打起了瞌睡。
一位同僚發現了，小聲對他的鄰座說：“那家夥真是老了，他走不動了，口齒不清了，又老眼昏花……”
丘吉爾依然閉著眼睛，卻突然插話說：“別人還說他耳聾呢！’
一次議院開會時，一位來自反對黨的女議員怒氣衝衝地對丘吉爾說：“如果你是我的丈夫，我一定會在你的茶裏下毒。”
“如果你是我的太太，我一定會笑著喝下去的。”丘吉爾反諷道。
丘吉爾先生一生發表的最著名的演說大概是他在第二次世界大戰期間為英國空軍部隊慶功時的精彩致辭：“在人類鬥爭的領域，從來沒有取得過如此以少勝多的戰績！”
19 Franklin
Benjamin Franklin possessed many talents and wore many hats. He was an inventor, a statesman, one of the founding fathers of the United States of America, an eloquent speaker and an outstanding diplomat.
As the first America ambassador to France, he attended a diplomatic dinner hosted by the King of France. During the banquet, the Foreign Minister of France rose to propose a toast,“To His Majesty,Louis XVI, the King of France. Like a moon, he glows at night, expels darkness from the earth and spreads of benevolence on the human race. ”
The British ambassador also rose to propose a toast.“To George Ⅲ, the king of England, ”he said proudly,“who like a noonday sun shines brightly in the middle of the sky illuminating the world.”
When the turn came for the American ambassador to propose a toast, the aging Franklin rose and all the diplomats wondered whether this old man from the New World known for his quick wit could top his colleagues.“I cannot give you the sun nor the moon, ”said Franklin,“But I give you George Wasllington, the general of America army, who like Joshua of old commanded the sun and the moon to stand still and both obeyed. ”
Thunderous applause broke out as Franklin sat down. Benjamin Franklin was, indeed, a first rate diplomat.
When Thomas Jefferson was sent to France to take Franklin’s post, the King of France asked him,“You are here to replace Mr. Franklin？ ”“No, ”snapped Jefferson,“I am here to succeed him. No one can replace him.”
富蘭克林
本傑明·富蘭克林是個才能出眾的人，獲得過許多桂冠。他是發明家、政治家，是美利堅合眾國的元老之一，還是雄辯的演說家和傑出的外交家。
作為第一任美國駐法國大使，他出席了由法國國王舉行的外交晚宴。席間，法國外交部長起身祝酒：“皇帝陛下，法國的國王路易十六，他就像夜空中的月亮，熠熠生輝，為地球驅走黑暗，給人類帶來仁慈。”
英國大使也起身舉杯敬酒。“敬英格蘭的君主喬治三世，”大使驕傲地說，“他就像正午的太陽，在天空光芒萬丈，照亮了全世界。”
到美國大使舉杯敬酒時，上了年紀的富蘭克林站了起來，在場的外交官都懷疑這位來自新世界、以機敏著稱的老人，能否比他的對手們勝出一籌。“我不能獻給你太陽，也不能獻給你月亮，”富蘭克林說道，“但是我能獻給你美國將軍喬治·華盛頓，他就像古代的約書亞（摩西的繼承人），指揮太陽與月亮屹立不動，二者都會乖乖臣服。”
當富蘭克林落座時，人群爆發出如雷般的掌聲，富蘭克林的確是位一流的外交家。
托馬斯·傑弗遜被派到法國接替富蘭克林的職位時，法國國王問他：“你是來這兒取代富蘭克林的嗎？”
“不是，”傑弗遜毅然說，“我到這兒來是繼承他的，沒人能取代他。”