1 Whose Shoes Do You Polish
As Lincoln was polishing his leather shoes, a diplomat came over to him.“Why, Mr. President, you actually polish your shoes？ ”
“Yes, ”Lincoln said,“well, whose shoes do you polish？ ”
你擦誰的鞋子
林肯正在擦鞋時，一個外交官走到他身邊。“哎呀，總統先生，你竟然擦自己的鞋？”
“是的。”林肯說，“不然你一般都擦誰的鞋子？”
2 Cross River
Lincoln served as company commander during the war.
Once he led the whole company to chase the enemy. When crossing a small river, he did not know how to cross it. Then he had an idea and shouted,“All dismissed, and muster on the other side in five minutes. ”
渡河
林肯在戰爭期間擔任過連長。
有一次，他帶領全連追擊敵人。要過一條小河時，他不知道該用什麼方法渡河。於是，他就靈機一動，大聲喊道：“全體解散，五分鍾後在對岸集合。”
3 It’s Certainly All Right with Me
At the time of crisis during the Civil War, Abraham Lincoln was awakened late one night by an opportunist who reported that an office‐holder had just died.
“Mr. President, ”asked the man,“could I take his place？ ”
“Well, ”said Lincoln,“if the undertaker agrees. It’s certainly all right with me. ”
我沒意見
美國內戰危機時刻，一個投機分子深夜叫醒亞伯拉罕·林肯，向他報告一位官員剛剛去世的消息。
“總統先生，”那個人問道，“我能替代他嗎？”
“噢，”林肯說，“如果殯儀員同意，我肯定沒意見。”
4 I Am a Sacrifice to the Terrible Epidemic Now
Because of his slips of tongue, president Bush was derided as the“Mistaken President ”by the media. when he was attacked for his usual grammar and spelling errors, president Bush admitted that his mouth was the place where words die rather than to be raged and retorted. He explained,“You must know that Foot‐and‐mouth disease is spreading across the whole Europe. Unfortunately, I am a sacrifice to the terridle epidemic now.”
嘴巴染上了口蹄疫
由於口誤，布什總統被媒體戲稱為“口誤總統”，當他被攻擊說老是犯語法錯誤時，布什沒有火冒三丈也沒有反唇相譏，而是心甘情願地承認了他的嘴巴就是“文字的死亡之地”。他說：“你們一定知道口蹄疫正席卷歐洲，很不幸，我也染上這種病了。”
5 Clone Another Cheney
One day, President Bush attended the anniversary dinner of the press in Washington. At the dinner. He amused the audience with his humor, which made people look at him with new eyes.
He dressed well and played jokes with the veteran journalists. He insisted that he was a smart man and said,“I have just finished the human genome map and my goal is to clone another Cheney so that I could do nothing anymore. ”
After saying this, he jerked his head to wards Cheney and said,“Mr. Cheney, what should I say next？”He convulsed the audience with his jokes.
克隆一個副總統
一天，布什總統參加了在華盛頓舉行的新聞界的周年晚宴。在宴會上，他獨特的幽默感語驚四座，令大家不禁都對他另眼相看。
他盛裝出席，和那些老道的記者們開玩笑周旋。他一直認為自己是個聰明人，說：“我已經完成了基因圖譜的繪製，現在我的目標是再克隆一個切尼，那樣我就什麼都不用做了。”
話音剛落，他立馬轉頭對切尼說：“切尼先生，我接下來該說什麼了呢？”聽眾們哄堂大笑。
6 Put Up with Her for Only 15 Minutes
After being First Lady, Lincoln’s wife, Mary Todd Lincoln’s temper was becoming more and more worse. Not only was she wasteful at will, but also exploited her power over others, she always blamed the tailor for charging too much, and always complaind that the goods in the butcher shop and grocery were too expensive.
One day, a merchant who have fed up with Mary found Lincoln and made complaints. Lincoln listened to the merchant with a bitter smile and said to him in a helpless way,“Sir, I have been tolerated for 15 years; can’t you put up with her for only 15 minutes？”
林肯總統的無奈
自從林肯的夫人——瑪麗·托德·林肯當上了美國第一夫人，她的脾氣就變得越來越差，不僅隨心所欲，還時常大發淫威。她經常指責裁縫要價太高，抱怨肉販和雜貨店賣的東西太貴。
一天，一個商人實在是受不了了，找到林肯，抱怨了一番。林肯聽完商人的訴說後，苦笑了一下，無奈地說：“先生，我已經忍受了十五年了，您難道就不能忍受她十五分鍾嗎？”
7 Clinton Proposed to Hillary
When Hillary was reading in the library of Law College of Yale University, she found a young man kept looking back at her. So she went straight to him and said,“If you still keep looking at me, I will gaze at you all the time. Why don’t we know each other？ By the way, I’m Hillary Rodham. ”There was no doubt that that young man was Clinton and he said he didn’t remember what his own name was at that moment.
Later, Clinton proposed to her over and over again, but she refused him several times. At last, Clinton said,“I won’t proposed to you, Hillary. If you have determined to marry me, please do let me know.”To his delight, she agreed.
克林頓向希拉裏求婚
當希拉裏在耶魯大學法學院圖書館看書時，她發現一個年輕人總是盯著她看。因此她徑直走向他說：“如果你再這樣看著我，我也會一直盯著你看。與其這樣，為什麼不彼此認識下呢？你好，我是希拉裏·羅德姆。毫無疑問這個年輕人就是克林頓，他回憶說當時他連他自己的名字都記不起來了。
後來，克林頓一次次地向希拉裏求婚，但她拒絕了多次。最後，克林頓說：“希拉裏，我不會再向你求婚了，如果你哪一天決定嫁給我了，請務必告訴我一聲。”讓他高興的是，希拉裏最終同意了。
8 If You Graduate from Yale，You Become President
Bush was asked to deliver a speech on the graduation of Yale. He said to the parents,“I congratulate all the parents who are here. It’s a glorious day when your child graduates from a great day for you. It’s a great day for your wallet.”
And he encouraged the students,“Most important, congratulations to the class of 2001. To those of you who received honors awards, and distinctions, I say, well done. And to the C students, I say, you too, can be president of the United States. A Yale degree is worth a lot, as I often remind Dick Cheney who studied here, but left a little early. So now we know—if you graduate from Yale, you become President. If you drop out, you get to be Vice‐president. ”
耶魯出總統
布什被邀請在耶魯的畢業典禮上致辭，他對家長們說：“首先我要祝賀在場的父母們，這是個光榮的時刻，因為你們的孩子從耶魯大學畢業了。今天對於你們來說是個好日子，對你們的錢包來說也是個好日子。”
他還鼓勵同學們說：“當然，最應該祝賀的是我們2001級的畢業生。對於你們之中那些獲得過榮譽獎章、成績優異的人，我要說，你們做得好極了。但對於那些成績得C的同學，我想說你們可能會當上美國總統。耶魯的學位證很有價值，我也經常這樣提醒切尼，他也在這裏上過學，隻不過離開得稍微早了點。所以，現在我們該明白了，如果你從耶魯畢業了，你會成為總統，如果你中途退學，就隻能當副總統。”
9 It Is a Shoe Size 10
George W. Bush, the outgoing president of the Unite States, paid a visit to Iraq on December 14th, 2008. There is no doubt that the result wouldn’t be good if he goes to Bagdad—He was attacked by a little accident.
When Bush was talking to the president of the Iraq on the stage, an journalist from Iraq suddenly threw his shoes at Bush. At that moment, Bush seemed to realize it and ducked and escaped from the first shoe. A challenge smile appeared on his face when he succeeded in escaping the first shoe. But the journalist was also very calm and threw the second shoes quickly, and president Bush succeeded once again.
After the security men go control of the situation, President Bush said humorously,“I am sure that it is a shoe size 10.”
小布什遭鞋襲
即將離任的喬治·布什總統在2008年的12月14日號出訪伊拉克，毫無疑問，如果他去巴格達，肯定沒有好下場——果不其然，他遭遇了一場小襲擊。
當布什正在台上和伊拉克總統講話，一個伊拉克記者突然將鞋朝布什扔去，就在那一刻，布什好像覺察到了什麼，猛一俯身，躲了過去。就在他成功躲過第一隻鞋子的襲擊的時候，他臉上浮出了挑戰的微笑。但是那個記者同樣也非常冷靜，馬上扔過去第二隻鞋子，布什總統又一次成功地躲了過去。
安保人員把局麵控製住之後，布什幽默地說：“現在我很確定的是，那是隻十號的鞋子。”
10 Bush’s slip of the tongue
Elizabeth Ⅱ, the Queen of England paid a visit to America with Prince Philip and attended the welcome ceremony held by President Bush. And about 7000 people including US Congressmen, senior executives and British diplomats, appeared at the welcome ceremony. In the speech of welcome, President Bush made a same mistake,“The American people were so proud to welcome Her Majesty here, a nation that you are quite familiar with,”President Bush said,“You have had dinners with 10 American Presidents. And with your help, our nation celebrated the 200th National Day in 17...in 1976. ”
All the audience laughed after hearing this slip of the tongue. Bush stopped and looked at the Queen. A moment later, he said,“She gave me a glance that only a mother gives her child who made mistakes. ”The laughter swelled more strongly.