The third one says, “My son has not done that well. He does not have a very good job, and he is homosexual. But he has these two great boyfriends… One is the best lawyer in New York City, and the other is the best doctor in the city.”
出人頭地
三個猶太媽媽在一起誇耀自己的兒子。
第一個說：“我的兒子很有出息，他是全紐約最棒的律師。”
第二個說：“我的兒子比你的更有出息，他是全紐約最棒的醫生。”
第三個說：“我的兒子可沒那麼有出息，也沒有好的工作，他就隻是一個同性戀，可他卻有兩個十分優秀的男友，一個是全紐約最棒的律師，一個是全紐約最棒的醫生。”
Bridge Joke
The Polish were upset because of their bad reputation. A group of them got together and approached a conference of Americans, Germans, and Japanese and asked for help on this matter.
An American replied, “You must do something so the world will respect you. The Japanese are known for their technology and the Germans are known for their resourcefulness. We Americans have had respect since we helped win the World War against the other two. See, you need to do something world-famous.”
A German added, “Yes, he’s right. Why don’t you find a place in this world in need of a bridge that no one has dared build, build it, come back to us, and we will help publicize it.”
With that, the Polish set off to build their bridge. They designed it and worked 6 months and finally completed it. They then went back to report it to the group. The bridge was a beautiful bridge but it had one flaw: it was erected in the middle of the Sahara Desert.
An American said, “No, no. See, that is why you have your reputation. There is no need for a bridge in the middle of the desert. Now go and dismantle it, and find a more strategic spot to erect it.” The Polish returned to the conference in two weeks. One of the Japanese said, “Two weeks! It only took you two weeks to dismantle that bridge and build a new one??? That is amazing!!” A Polish man replied, “Well, not exactly. When we returned to the bridge we couldn’t dismantle it because there were all these Italians fishing off it.”
橋的故事
波蘭人正在為他們名聲狼藉而苦惱。於是其中一些人便召集美國人、德國人、日本人開了個會，想請他們幫忙出些主意。
美國人建議說：“你們必須做些能讓全世界都佩服你們的事情。日本是憑借他們的技術而揚名內外，而德國則是靠他們豐富的資源，我們美國是因為在世界大戰中擊潰了日本和德國。因此你也要做些能名揚天下的事情。”
德國人補充說：“對，他說的很對。你為什麼不去找一個沒有人敢在那建橋的地方建一座橋呢？你建完後回來，我們幫你去宣傳。”
於是波蘭人接受了建議，便動身去建橋了。他們精心設計並花費了六個月的時間終於完成了。於是他們回來彙報情況。橋建得十分漂亮，不過有一個不完美的地方麵：他們把它建在了撒哈拉沙漠的中部。
美國人說：“這可不好，一點都不好。你看這就是你們波蘭人名聲差的原因。沙漠的中間根本不需要橋。馬上回去拆了它，找一個更有挑戰性的地方重建。兩周後，波蘭人回來了。日本人說：“兩周！你們隻用了兩周就把那橋拆了，然後建了個新的？太令人難以置信了。”波蘭人回答說：“不是那樣的。我們回到那裏卻發現無法拆橋了，因為意大利人正坐在橋上釣魚呢。”
Buss Service
The following appeared in Jean Godden’s column in the Seattle Post-Intelligencer on December 24, 1990 after an extraordinarily heavy snowfall crippled transportation services:
Buss service: The Metro bus driver on No. 55 from West Seattle Friday morning announced over the microphone: “Keep pushing to the back, folks, make a few friends. Consider this a very crowded singles bar with bad service.”
交友服務
一場罕見的大雪使交運輸陷入了癱瘓狀態，於是1990年12月24日西雅圖通訊報的傑?格登專欄裏刊登了這樣一段內容：
交友服務：星期五一早在從西雅圖開出的55號城運公共汽車上，司機這樣說道：“夥計們，繼續推，把這當做是即擁擠不堪又服務不周的單身俱樂部，趁這機會多結識幾個朋友吧！”
Buy American!
The fellow in the office next to mine recently acquired an office accessory which came in a cardboard box on which was printed, in inch-high capital letters, “THANKS FOR BUYING AN AMERICAN-MADE PRODUCT.” To underscore the point, the unmistakable silhouette of the Statue of Liberty was printed just to the left of the slogan. Do you think the folks who chose the Statue of Liberty for this appeal to patriotism remembered where the Statue of Liberty itself was made?
支持國貨
在我隔壁辦公的那個人最近買了一台辦公設備。設備是用紙箱運來的，上麵還印著1英寸大的大寫字母“謝謝您購買美國製造的產品”。為了加以強調，在這排標語的左側位置上還印上了自由女神像的圖案。你認為那個人選擇自由女神像的目的是要讓那些愛國主義人士時時不忘是誰製造了這個雕像嗎？
（注：自由女神像是由法國人巴托爾迪集資，法國人民捐款製作的，作為法國政府送給美國政府慶祝美國獨立100周年的禮物。）
Calling Home
Maid answers: Hello?
Tough Mafioso: Put my wife on the phone.
Maid: Just a minute.
Maid comes back after a minute: I’m sorry but she’s indisposed in the bathroom.
Tough Mafioso: I said put her on the phone. Now!
Maid stutters: She, she can’t come to the phone right now.
Tough Mafioso: If you don’t get her on the phone in two seconds I’m going to come over there and pull your jaw from your face.
Maid stutters: You, you don’t understand, she’s in there with another man.
Tough Mafioso: What!?!
Maid: Yeah.
Tough Mafioso: Listen, this is what I want you to do, I want you to shoot them both dead and then get rid of the gun.
Maid stutters: I, I can’t do that, I can’t shoot anybody.
Tough Mafioso: You do it Now!
Maid stutters: I, I can’t!
Tough Mafioso: If you don’t do it right now I’m going to kill you and your whole family. Go do it now! I want to hear the shots.
Maid: Ok.
The tough Mafioso hears two loud shots over the phone.
Maid stutters: I did it.
Tough Mafioso: Good. What do you do with the gun?
Maid stutters: I threw it in the pool.
Tough Mafioso: Pool? What pool? We don’t have a pool!? Is this 734-2264?
往家裏打電話
女仆：“喂？”
粗暴的黑手黨：“讓我妻子接電話。”
女仆：“等一下。”
過了一會兒女仆回來了，說：“太太感到不舒服，正在廁所裏呢。”
粗暴的黑手黨：“讓她現在來接電話。”
女仆：“她現在不能來接電話。”
粗暴的黑手黨：“如果你兩秒鍾之內不讓她來接電話，我就馬上回家打掉你的下巴。”
女仆結結巴巴地說：“你不知道，她現在正和另一個人在一起。”
粗暴的黑手黨：“你說什麼？”
女仆：“我說的是真的。”
粗暴的黑手黨：“聽著，我讓你殺死他們兩個，再把槍扔了。”
女仆：“不，我不能那麼做，我不能殺人。
粗暴的黑手黨：“你馬上去做。”
女仆：“不，我不能。”
粗暴的黑手黨：“如果你不馬上做，我就殺了你和你的全家。快去！我要聽到槍聲。”
女仆：“好吧。”
黑手黨從電話裏聽到了兩聲震耳的槍聲。
女仆：“我已經把他們殺死了。”
粗暴的黑手黨：“很好，那你把槍扔在哪了？”
女仆：“我把它丟進了遊泳池裏。”
粗暴的黑手黨：“遊泳池？什麼遊泳池？我家沒有遊泳池呀？這個電話是734-2264嗎？”