“No way! Now leave me alone!” The boy walks on, quickening his pace. The car again pulls over beside him.
“Look, kid, I’ve got a puppy at home you’d love to see. Get in and I’ll take you there. You can have all the candy and the cola on the way. What do you say to that?” The boy is getting agitated. He stops walking, and leans down to the car window.
“Look, I don’t care what you promise me, Dad. I’m NOT riding in your Lada!”
聰明的孩子
一天傍晚，一個小男孩剛剛放學，他沿著便道慢慢走著，這時一輛汽車停在了路邊，一個男的搖下窗戶：
“嘿，小孩，我車裏有糖，你上車，我就給你。”
“不，我不上。”小孩繼續向前走。走了不遠，車又停了。
“嘿，小孩，如果你上車，我就把所有的糖都給你，還有一瓶可樂，怎麼樣？”
“沒門！離我遠點兒。”小男孩接著走，並且加快了腳步。汽車再次在小孩旁邊停下。
“嘿，小孩，我家有隻小狗，你一要定想看，上車吧，我帶你去。你還可以在路上吃糖，喝可樂。你覺得怎麼樣？”
小男孩氣壞了，他停了不來，靠在車窗前說：“爸爸，你的任何許諾對我都沒用，我就是不上你的拉達。”
（注：“拉達”是俄羅斯生產的轎車，價格低廉。）
Addressing Mail to Desert Storm Troops
Here in the U.S. there are addresses set up for people to mail to “Any soldier” or to “Any sailor” in Operation Desert Storm. The idea is that people will send supportive letters, news from home, etc. to the troops even if they don’t necessarily know anyone over there.
It seems however, that some people are a little more specific in their addressing of the letters. Letters have been received addressed to…
Any young soldier
Any young single soldier
And even
Any single medical officer
I suppose a weaker-willed person than I would attempt a line here about “Uncle Sam’s Lonely Hearts Club”. But I’m going to refrain.
寫給執行“沙漠風暴”行動的軍隊的郵件
在美國有這樣一個郵箱，你可以通過它寫信給執行“沙漠風暴”行動的軍隊的任何一個士兵或海員。這樣做的目的是讓人們寫一些信來安慰他們或和他們聊聊家中的情況等。即使你不知道對方是誰。
不過，有些人把收信人的範圍寫的太具體了。如有的人把信上的收信人寫成這樣：
“一位年輕的士兵”；
“一位單身的士兵”；
還有的是：
“一位單身的軍醫”。
我想若是我意誌薄弱一些，一定會被這行話吸引：“來自薩姆叔叔的孤獨的心俱樂部。”可是我還是控製住了自己。
An Audiophile, She’s Not
This Christmas, Mom decided to give me a couple of albums on compact disc. Not knowing my taste in music, she went down to the local record store and tried to buy some “blank CDs.” According to her, the sales clerk “wasn’t very helpful.” I would love to have heard that conversation.
她不是唱片愛好者
聖誕節快到了，媽媽打算送我一套光盤集。由於不知道我的喜好，她去了一家音像店給出我買了很多空白光盤。媽媽還說那個銷貨員一點都不熱心。我真想聽聽他們之間的對話。
An Old man’s Confession
An old man goes to a church, and is making a confession.
Man: Father, I am 75 years old. I have been married for 50 years. All these years I had been faithful to my wife, but yesterday I was intimate with an 18 year old.
Father: When was the last time you made a confession?
Man: I never have, I am Jewish.
Father: Then why are telling me all this?
Man: I am telling everybody …
一位老人的懺悔
老人走進了教堂要做仟悔。
老人：“神父，我今年已經75歲了，結婚50年來我一直忠於我的妻子，可是昨天我卻和一個18歲的女孩有了親密關係。”
神父：“那你上一次是什麼時候做的懺悔。”
老人：“我是猶太人，我從不做懺悔。”
神父：“那你為什麼來和我說這個？”
老人：“因為我逢人便講。”
Are you deaf?
A rather senile old lady went to her doctor complaining of draining and a feeling of fullness in her ear. After the examination, the doctor initiated a conversation that went as follows:
D: Why madam, I think you have a suppository in your ear.
L: eh?
D: Madam - You have a SUPPOSITORY in your EAR!
L: EH?
D: (shouting) --IN YOUR EAR! --A SUPPOSITORY!!!
L: Oh, thank Goodness - now I know where I put my hearing aid….
你耳聾嗎？
一位年邁的老太太去看醫生，說自己的耳朵裏有東西。醫生給老太太檢查了一下，然後就有了下麵這段對話：
醫生：“夫人，我想你的耳朵裏有一支栓劑。”
老太太：“什麼？”
醫生：“夫人，你的耳朵裏有一支栓劑。”
老太太：“什麼？”
醫生：“你的耳朵裏，一支栓劑。”
老太太：“噢，謝天謝地，我終於想起來我的助聽器放在哪了。”
Bad Idea (I)
Dave was standing in the parking lot of a 7-11 store when a guy walked out of the store with a six pack (of beer he assumed) in a brown paper sack. The guy walked between two cars and when he did, the bag lightly touched one of the cars. As it turned out, a guy and his girlfriend were sitting in the car, and the boyfriend (trying to impress his girlfriend) got out of the car and started bitching at this beer-guy for scratching his car. So the beer-guy apologized but the boyfriend kept on ranting. After a while, the beer-guy said, “If it’ll make you feel any better, go over and kick a few dents in my truck” and pointed to a pickup truck across the parking lot.
So the boyfriend went over and started kicking the door of the truck in when another guy walked out of the store and screamed, “What are you doing to my truck?” The boyfriend said, “That guy over there told me that this was his truck” and when he turned around to look at the beer-guy, he saw him driving off in his car.
壞主意
大衛站在了一家7-11商店的停車場上，這時他看見一個小夥子抱著六個包（裏麵大概是啤酒）從商店裏走出來。當他穿過兩車中間的過道時，手中的袋子無意中碰了其中的一輛車。結果，車裏正坐著一男一女。那男孩（想給女朋友留下個好印象）衝出汽車，和這個碰他車的小夥子爭執了起來。小夥子道了歉，可那男孩卻還是不依不饒。過了一會兒，小夥子說：“如果踢我的貨車能讓你消氣的活，那你就過去。”他指著對麵停著的自己的小貨車說。
男孩走過去對著貨車的門開始一陣狂踢。這時另一個小夥子走出了商店驚叫到：“你為什麼踢我的車？”男孩說：“那邊那個家夥說這是他的車。”可當他回身才發現碰他車的那個小夥子早已開著自己的車逃跑了。
Built Like a Tank
A friend of mine worked as a computer operator in a company with a large IBM computer. One day, they called in the repairman for a faulty console. When the repairman arrived to check out the problem, he noticed that some of the keys of the console keyboard were stuck down, in the shape of a closed fist.
His comment: “We can fix this, but it will not be under warranty.”
設計一個堅固的鍵盤
我的一個朋友在一家擁有大型IBM 電腦的公司裏做電腦操作員。一天，他們找來了維修員來修理受損的操控台。維修員對電腦檢查了一下，發現操作台上的一些按鍵陷了下去，而且這些按鍵組成了一個人的拳頭的形狀。
他的意見是：“我們可以修，可這不在我們的保修範圍內。”
Be the Best you can Be
There are three Jewish mothers bragging about their sons.
The first one says, “My son is very successful. He is the best lawyer in New York City.”
The second one says, “My son has done better than that. He is the best Doctor in New York City.”