賣狗
一位訪問蘇格蘭的美國人遇到了一個帶著一隻漂亮牧羊犬的牧羊人。那個美國人出價80英鎊要買那條牧羊犬，但遭到了那個老人的拒絕。“我不能跟伊恩分開。”他說。
正在這時，一個帶英格蘭口音的人走上前來，出了同樣的價錢。牧羊人表示同意，將錢收進口袋，把牧羊犬交給了那個英格蘭人。
那個美國人非常生氣，大聲叫道：“你剛才不是對我說你不願意賣這條狗嗎？”
“不，不是！”那個老牧羊人說，“我剛才說我不能跟他分開。英格蘭不是很遠，伊恩過幾天就會回來。可大西洋他是遊不過去的。”
18 Perfect Match
A wealthy matron is so proud of a valuable antique vase that she decides to have her bedroom painted the same color as the vase. Several painters try to match the shade, but none comes close enough to satisfy the eccentric woman.
Eventually, a painter approaches who is confident he can mix the proper color. The woman is pleased with the result and the painter becomes famous.
Years later, he retires and turns the business over to his son. “Dad,”says the son,“there’s something I’ve got to know. How did you get those walls to match the vase so perfectly？”
“Son,”the father replies,“I painted the vase. ”
絕配
一位富婆為擁有一隻珍貴的古玩花瓶而深感驕傲，以至於她競要把臥室漆成與花瓶同樣的顏色。幾名油漆匠試圖調出這個底色，但是誰也沒有能令那位怪癖的婦女滿意。
最後來了位油漆匠。他非常自信能調出那種顏色。那婦女對他的成果非常滿意，油漆匠於是一舉成名。
多年以後，他退休了，生意也交給兒子。“爸，”兒子說，“有件事我得弄清楚，您是怎樣使牆的顏色與花瓶配得那麼絕的？”
“兒子，”父親回答說，“我漆了花瓶。”
19 The Truckie
An old man was eating in a truck stop when three bikers walked in.
The first walked up to the old man, pushed his cigarette into the old man’s pie and then took a seat at the counter. The second walked up to the old man, spit into the old man’s milk and then he took a seat at the counter. The third walked up to the old man, turned over the old man’s plate, and then he took a seat at the counter. Without a word of protest, the old man quietly left the diner.
Shortly thereafter, one of the bikers said to the waitress,“Humph, not much of a man, was he？”The waitress replied,“But much of a truckie. He just backed his truck over three motorcycles. ”
卡車司機
一個老人正在汽車餐館吃東西，這時三個騎摩托車的人進來了。
第一個人走向老人，把他的煙戳進老人的餡餅裏，然後在櫃台找了個座位。
第二個人走向老人，向老人的牛奶裏吐了口水，然後也在櫃台找了個座位。第三個人走向老人，打翻了老人的盤子，然後坐在櫃台邊。
老人不發一言，安靜地離開餐館。
過了一會兒。其中一個騎摩托車的人對侍者說：“哼，根本不算一個男人，是吧？”
服務員回道：“可他是一個了不起的卡車司機，剛倒著他的卡車壓過三輛摩托車。”
20 Bad Impression
Four people were travelling in a compartment on a train. Three of them were quiet and well behaved, but the fourth was a rude young man who was causing a lot of trouble to the other passengers.
At last this young man got out at a station with his two heavy bags. None of the other passengers helped him, but one of them waited until the rude young man was very far away and then opened the window and shouted to him,“You left something behind in the compartment !”Then he closed the window again.
The young mall turned around and hurried back with his two bags. He was very tired when he arrived, but he shouted through the window,“What did I leave behind？”
As the train began to move again, the passenger who had called him back opened window and said,“A very bad impression!”
壞印象
有四個人搭乘火車旅行，坐在同一車箱內。其中三個很安靜，也很規矩。但第四個是個粗魯的年輕人，給別的乘客帶來了許多麻煩。
最後，這位年輕人在一個車站帶著兩個沉重的皮箱下了車，沒有一個人來幫他的忙。有個人一直等到這位粗魯的年輕人走得很遠了，才打開窗戶，對著他大聲喊：“你把東西落在車廂裏了！”然後，又把窗戶關了起來。
年輕人轉過身子，拎著兩個沉甸甸的皮箱，匆匆跑回來。他轉回來時，看起來非常累，對著窗戶大聲喊：“我把什麼東西落在車上了？”
當火車再次啟動時，叫他回來的人打開窗戶說：“一個非常壞的印象！”
21 Whose Horse
Once a neighbor stole one of Hunk’s horses. Hunk went with a police officer to the neighbor’s farm to get the horse. But the neighbor refused to give the horse up; he claimed that it was his horse.
Hunk placed both of his hands over the eyes of the horse and said to the neighbor,“If this is your horse, then you must tell us in which eye he is blind. ”
“In the right eye! ”the neighbor said.
Hunk took his hand from the right eye of the horse and showed the police officer that the horse was not blind in the right eye.
“Oh, I have made a mistake. ”said the neighbor,“He is blind in the left eye. ”
Hunk then showed that the horse was not blind in the left either.
“Oh, I have made another mistake. ”said the neighbor.
“Yes, ”said the police officer,“and you have also proven that the horse does not belong to you. You must return it to Mr. Hunk. ”
誰的馬
有一次，一個鄰居偷了漢克的一匹馬。漢克和一名警官到這個鄰居家想要回這匹馬。但是，鄰居拒絕交出這匹馬，聲稱那是他的馬。
漢克用雙手捂住馬眼，對鄰居說：“如果這是你的馬，那你一定能告訴我它哪隻眼睛是瞎的。”
“右眼！”鄰居說。
漢克把手從馬的右眼上拿開，向警官表明馬的右眼並沒有瞎。
“噢，我弄錯了，”鄰居說，“它是左眼瞎了。”
漢克又向警官表明馬的左眼也沒有瞎。
“噢，我又弄錯了。”鄰居說。
“是的，”警官說，“你也已經證明了這匹馬不屬於你。你必須把它還給漢克先生。”
22 After Supper It’s Time for Rest
There was a poor man who worked for a landlord. The landlord made the man work hard all day long. But he paid him very little money, and didn’t give him much food.
One day, when the man was having breakfast, the land lord came and said to him,“It’s too much trouble to go to work and then come back for lunch, then go to the fields again and come back for supper. So I want you to have your breakfast and lunch and supper now before you go to the fields. ”
How could a man eat three meals all together？ But the farmhand thought and said,“All right. ”He finished his breakfast and went out.
Half an hour later, when the landlord went out for a walk, he saw the farmhand sitting under a tree and smoking.
The landlord was very angry.“Why aren’t you working in the fields？ ”he asked.
The farmhand said with a smile,“I’ve already had my supper. And you know very well that after supper it’s time for rest. ”
晚飯後是休息時間
一位窮人為地主打工。地主一天到晚強迫他拚命幹活，但付給他的工錢卻很少，還不讓他吃飽飯。
有一天，長工正在吃早飯，地主走過來，對他說：“你每天幹完活回來吃午飯，吃完午飯又下田，再從田裏回來吃晚飯，這樣太麻煩了。所以，我現在要你下田前把早飯、午飯和晚飯一次吃完。”
一個人怎麼能一次吃三頓飯呢？長工轉念想了一下，說：“好吧。”吃完早飯，他就出去了。
半小時後，地主出去散步，看見長工坐在一棵樹下抽煙。他非常生氣。“你為什麼不在田裏幹活？”他問。
長工微微一笑說：“我已經吃過晚飯了。你很清楚，晚飯後是休息時間。”
23 Flying to Paris
There was a blonde sitting on a plane in first class seats with an economy class ticket. The flight attendant asked to check her ticket.
“Excuse me,”she said,“you only have an economy class ticket but you are sitting in first class. Could you please move to your allocated seat？”
The blonde was very stubborn and said,“I’m blonde and beautiful and I’m going to Paris.”
So the flight attendant went to another flight attendant and told her the problem. But the blonde’s answer was the same.“I’m blonde and beautiful and I’m going to Paris.”This went on throughout 4 other flight attendants. Finally they went to the captain and told him the problem. He said,“I can handle this.”and went to talk to her. He whispered something in her ear and she got up and ran to economy class. All the flight attendants were shocked and they asked him how he did it. He said,“I told her first class wasn’t going to Paris.”
飛往巴黎
飛機上有一名金發女郎拿著經濟艙的票卻坐在頭等艙的位置上。機務人員前來檢查她的票。
“對不起，”她說，“你隻有一張經濟艙的票，但你現在坐在頭等艙裏。可以麻煩你換到指定的位子去嗎？”
這名金發女郎非常頑固，說道：“我是金發女人，我很漂亮，我要去巴黎。”
於是這名機務人員走向另一名機務人員，並告訴她發生的事情。但無論怎樣，金發女郎的回答都是一樣的：“我是金發女人，我很漂亮，我要去巴黎。”其他四名機組人員也遇到了同樣的回答。最後她們隻得去找機長，告訴他發生了什麼事。他說：“我能解決。”於是走過去同她談話。他低聲在她耳邊說了些什麼，她便站起來跑到經濟艙去了。所有的機務人員都很吃驚，便問他怎麼做到的。他說：“我告訴她頭等艙不飛往巴黎。”
24 A Lost Child
As a rookie in the Atlantic City, N. J., Police Department, I was assigned a beat, on the boardwalk. Hardly a day went by when I didn’t come upon a child who had become separated from his parents.
One afternoon, I spotted a small boy standing alone, obviously lost. I tried to gain his confidence—I took him to the nearest ice cream stand and bought him a cone. Time passed with no sign of the boy’s parents, so the next step was to call for a patrol car to take him to headquarters. I told the small boy to stay put while I went to the call box. When I returned, he was nowhere in sight.
Within minutes, the car arrived, and one of the patrolmen asked me where the child was. I felt stupid; it’s humiliating to say you’ve lost a lost child. But I told the officers what had happened and gave a description of the boy.“What did you treat him？”asked one of the men.
“An ice cream cone. Why？”
“Because,”answered the officer,“that kid lives only a few blocks from here. and you’re about the sixth rookie he’s conned for a treat!”
迷路的小孩
我是新澤西州大西洋城警察局的一名新警察。我被指派巡邏一條海濱的路線，幾乎每天都能碰上與父母走散的孩子。
一天下午，我發現一個小孩獨自站在那裏，顯然是迷了路。我先是設法取得他的信任——我帶他到附近的冰淇淋攤給他買了一個蛋筒。過了很長時間，也沒看見他父母的影子，所以我就準備打電話叫輛巡邏車將他送回總部去。我告訴他站在那裏別動，我去電話亭打電話。當我回來時，卻發現他不知道到哪兒去了。
警車很快來了。一名警察問我小孩在哪裏。我感覺自己傻極了，說自己弄丟了一個迷路的小孩，該多丟人啊！但我還是告訴了警察們所發生的一切，並描述了一下小孩的長相。“你請他吃了什麼？”一名警察問。
“一個冰淇淋蛋筒。怎麼啦？”
“因為，”那名警察說，“那個小孩住的地方離這兒隻隔幾個街區。而你大概是新警察中幫他買東西吃的第六個傻蛋！”
25 The Way to Chase Away Ducks
A man had a beautiful garden and flower beds, and all kinds of nice things that he planted in his garden. But there was one problem.His neighbor always let his ducks loose, and they ran over to reach the garden to dig out the roots and eat the flowers and make a mess everywhere. And he told his neighbor to keep the ducks within his fence.But the neighbor said,“I don’t believe in this kind of restriction, imprisonment. I believe ducks are also the creation of God, and they have the right to go wherever they want.”And so he just let his ducks run all over, and the ducks loved the flowers and the corn and all the things that the neighbors planted. And so they would visit his garden often.
But then one day one of his friends came back, and saw that the man had all the flowers and everything still in order! So the friend was very surprise,“How did you do that？ How did you convince the neighbor to keep the ducks out of your yard？”He said,“Oh, that’s easy. I just hid a dozen duck’s eggs in my flower bed, and one day I let my neighbor see that I was collecting them.”After that the neighbor kept his ducks to himself.
把鴨趕走的方法
有一個人擁有一座很漂亮的花園，種了各種賞心悅目的植物。但唯一的問題是，他的鄰居總是管不住自己的鴨子，任由它們到花園裏亂跑。小鴨把植物的根刨出來，還把花吃掉，把花園搞得一團糟。他曾經和鄰居談過，讓對方用籬笆把鴨子圈起來，但鄰居說：“我不喜歡束縛它們，小鴨也是上帝創造出來的生物，它們有權利去它們喜歡去的地方。”就這樣，鄰居依舊放縱自己的鴨到處亂跑，而偏偏這些鴨就是喜歡吃花朵和穀物，所以也就經常“光顧”他的花園。
但是有一天當他的朋友去拜訪時，卻發現他的花園井然有序，他的朋友非常吃驚，問道：“你是怎麼做到的？你怎麼說服你的鄰居讓他的鴨別再糟蹋你的花園了？”他說：“簡單極了，我隻是在我的花園裏放了幾枚鴨蛋，然後有一天我撿鴨蛋的時候故意讓他看見了。從那以後，鄰居就乖乖圈住自己的鴨了。”
26 Prepare Three Envelopes
A fellow had just been hired as the new CEO of a large high‐teah corporation. The CEO who was stepping down met with him privately and presented him with three numbered envelopes.“Open these if you run up against a problem you don’t think you can solve.”he said.
Well, things went along pretty smoothly, but eight months later, sales took a downturn and he was really catching a lot of heat. About at his wit’s end, he remembered the envelops. He went to his drawer and took out the first envelop. The message read,“Blame your predecessor. ”
The new CEO called a press conference and tactfully laid the blame at the feet of the previous CEO. Satisfied with his comments, the press and Wall Street responded positively. Sale begin to pick up and the problem was soon behind him.