馬西第一天上學的日子到了，這也是他第一次離開奶奶的懷抱。
當他從學校回來的時候，他奶奶在門口接他並問道：“在學樣裏還好吧？你過得好嗎？哭了沒有？”
“哭？”馬西說，“不，我沒哭，可老師哭了。”
18 Special Enclosure
The zoo built a special eight‐foot‐high enclosure for its newly acquired kangaroo, but the next morning the animal was found hopping around outside. The height of the fence was increased to 20 feet, but the kangaroo got out again. Exasperated, the zoo director had the height increased to 50 feet, but the kangaroo still escaped.
A giraffe asked the kangaroo,“How high do you think they’ll build the fence？”
“I don’t know. ”said the kangaroo,“Maybe a thousand feet if they keep leaving the gate unlocked. ”
特殊圍欄
動物園為剛引進的袋鼠建了一個8英尺高的特殊圍欄。但第二天早上，人們發現袋鼠在圍欄外麵蹦跳著。於是，圍欄高度增加到了20英尺，但袋鼠還是跑了出來。動物園園長大為惱火，又叫人把圍欄高度加到了50英尺，但袋鼠還是逃了出來。
長頸鹿問袋鼠：“你認為他們會把圍欄建到多高呢？”
“我不知道，”袋鼠說，“如果他們還不把大門鎖上，可能1000英尺吧。”
19 Lace
Mrs. Thurston stormed into the A1 Laundry and demanded to see the owner.
Mr. Howard appeared from behind a curtain.“I’m the owner. ”he said,“Do you have a complaint？”
“A complaint？”echoed the customer,“You have the nerve to call yourself an A1 cleaner？”She threw something across the counter,“Just take a look at a sample of your work!”
Howard picked up the object and studied it.“Lady, there’s not a thing wrong with this lace. ”he pronounced.
“Lace？”Mrs. Thurston screamed,“When I brought it in to be cleaned it was a sheet!”
蕾絲
瑟斯頓太太怒氣衝衝地走進一流洗衣店，強烈要求見店主。
霍華德先生從簾子後麵走了出來。“我就是店主，”他說，“你有什麼投訴？”
“投訴？”顧客反問道，“你們竟有膽稱自己是一流洗衣店？”她把一個東西扔在櫃台上，“請瞧瞧你們幹的活吧！”
霍華德把東西拿起來，仔細端詳。“太太，這條蕾絲沒有什麼問題。”他說。
“蕾絲？”瑟斯頓太太尖聲叫道，“我拿到這裏洗時可是一條床單！”
20 So Optimistic
William may well be called the champion optimist. He was sitting on the root of his house during a flood, watching the water flow fast, when the neighbor who owned a boat rowed across to him.
“Hi, William！”said the man.
“Hi, David!”replied William brightly.
“All your fowls washed away this morning？”
“Yes, but the ducks can swim. ”
“Orange trees gone, too？”
“Yes, but everybody said the crop would be a failure anyhow. ”
“I see the river’s reached above your windows, William. ”
“That’s all right, David. ”was the reply,“The windows needed washing. ”
如此樂觀
威廉可稱得上是世界上最樂觀的人。在一次洪水中，他坐在自己家的屋頂上，看著洪水飛快地流過。這時，他的鄰居坐在自己家的小船裏向他劃了過來。
“你好，威廉！”鄰居說。
“你好，大衛！”威廉興高采烈地說。
“今天早上你的家禽都被衝跑了吧？”
“是，但那些鴨子會遊泳。”
“橘子樹也被衝走了吧？”
“是，但人人都說，這些橘子樹不會有收成的。”
“我看到河水已經淹過了你的窗戶，威廉。”
“沒事兒，大衛，”威廉說，“那些窗戶需要衝洗了。”
21 Get Off
A rookie police officer was out for his first ride in a cruiser with an experienced partner. A call came in telling them to disperse some people who were loitering.
The off icers drove to the street and observed a small crowd standing on a corner.
The rookie rolled down his window and said,“Get off the corner, people.”
A few glances, but no one moved, so he barked again, “Let’s get off that corner—NOW!”
Intimidated, the group of people began to leave, casting puzzled stares in his direction.
Proud of his first official act, the young policeman turned to his partner and asked,“Well, how did I do？”
“Pretty good, ”chuckled the vet,“this is a bus stop, merely.”
馬上離開
一個初出茅廬的警官和一名富有經驗的搭檔坐在警車裏第一次出去巡邏，一個電話打過來讓他們去驅散一些閑逛的人。
兩個警官將警車開到了那條街上，他們看到有一小群人正站在街角上。
新手搖下車窗說：“拐角的人趕快散開。”
人們看了他幾眼，但沒人動。他又一次大聲喊道：“站在拐角的人都散開——馬上！”
那群人受到恐嚇，開始離開，同時向他這邊投來不解的目光。
年輕警察為自己的第一次執行任務感到自豪，轉頭問他的搭檔：“哎，我幹得怎麼樣？”
“很不錯，”老警察輕聲笑道，“但這裏是個公共汽車站。”
22 A Pair of Slacks
A man handed a pair of slacks to the department‐storeclerk.“I’d like these altered, please. ”he said.The clerk asked for the sales receipt, but after searching his pockets, the man replied he had lost it.The clerk informed him that it was store policy not to do free alterations without a receipt.
“Okay, then, ”the man said,“I’d like to return the slacks.”The clerk processed the return and gave him cash equaling the cost of the slacks.
The man pushed the money back across the counter.“Now I want to buy the slacks. ”he said.The clerk rang up the sale, bagged the slacks and handed them to him with a receipt.
Triumphantly, he put the slacks and the receipt on the counter,
“I’d like to have these altered, please.”
褲子
一個人將一條寬鬆褲遞給百貨商店職員。“我想換一條。”他說。店員向他要售貨收據，那人翻遍了口袋，最後隻得說收據丟了。店員告訴他說，商店規定沒有收據不準隨意更換。
“那好吧，”那人說，“我要把這條褲子退掉。”店員按程序辦理了退貨手續並把等價現金給了他。
那人把錢推過櫃台上。“現在我還要這條褲子，”他說。店員用收銀機收下了錢，將褲子裝進包裏，並把它連同收據遞給了他。
那人洋洋自得地把褲子和收據放在櫃台上，說：“我想換一條。”
23 I Haven’t Got a Penny
It was very difficult to find jobs in the northwest of England, and when Bruce lost his job, he found it impossible to get a new one. He had soon spent all his money, so he decided to go down to the south of the country, where he had heard that things were better, and it was easier to find work there. The best way to go was by train, so he went to the railway station and got into a train which was going to London. He was the only passenger in his compartment when another man burst in, carrying a gun, and said to him,“Your money, or your life.”
“I haven’t got a penny. ”Bruce answered in fright.
“Then why are you trembling so much？”the man with the gun asked angrily.
“Because I thought you were the ticket‐collector and I haven’t even got a ticket. ”Answered Bruce.
身無分文
布魯斯失業後，他發現在英格蘭西北部找到新工作似乎不太可能，在這裏找工作實在是太難了。沒多久布魯斯就花光了身上的積蓄，於是決定到南方去，他聽說那兒的就業情況好些，可能更容易找到工作。去南方的最佳途徑是乘火車，布魯斯便來到火車站，搭上一列開往倫敦的火車。
布魯斯那節車廂裏隻有他一個人。這時突然有一個人持槍闖入，對他說：“要錢還是要命？”
“我身無分文。”布魯斯驚慌失措地說。
“那你為什麼抖得這麼厲害？”持槍的人生氣地問。
“我還以為你是檢票員呢，我沒買車票。”布魯斯答道。
24 They Are Still Damp!
Mr. Leonard was twenty‐two years old and not very rich. He was not married and he lived in two rooms in a small house in a city.
Every summer, Mr. Leonard went down to the sea for a holiday. He stayed in small, cheap hotels, but he always wanted to have clean, tidy room. He hated dirty places.
One summer a friend of his said,“Go to the Tower Hotel in Whitesea. I went there last year, and it was very nice and clean.”
So Mr. Leonard went to the Tower Hotel in Whitesea. But there was a different manager that year.
The new manager took Mr. Leonard to his room. The room looked quite nice and clean, but Mr. Leonard said to the manager,“Are the sheets on the bed clean？”
“Yes, of course they are！”he answered angrily,“We washed them this morning. Feel them. They are still damp.”
床單還潮著哩!
倫納德先生二十二歲，並不怎麼有錢。他還沒結婚，住在城裏一棟小房子的兩個房間裏。
每年夏天，倫納德先生都會去海邊度假。他總住在便宜的小旅館裏，可是他總是希望有個幹淨整潔的房間。他討厭住在不幹淨的地方。
一年夏天，他的一個朋友說：“去白海的高塔旅館吧。去年我到過那裏，那兒又舒適又整潔。
於是，倫納德先生就去了白海的高塔旅館。不過，那年換了個經理。
那位新經理領著倫納德先生去了房間。房間看起來相當舒適整潔，不過，倫納德先生問經理道：“床上的床單是幹淨的吧？”
“是啊，當然是幹淨的！”經理氣憤地回答，“我們今天早上才洗的。摸摸看，還潮著哩。”
25 Drunk and Arthritis
A drunk that smelled like a brewery got on a bus one day. He sat down next to a priest. The drunk’s shirt was stained, his face was full of bright red lipstick and he had a half‐empty bottle of wine sticking out of his pocket.
He opened his newspaper and started reading. A couple minutes later, he asked the priest,“Father, what causes arthritis？”“It’s caused by loose living, being with cheat, wicked women, too much alcohol, and contempt for your fellow man. ”the priest replied.“Imagine that. ”the drunk muttered. He returned to reading his paper. The priest, thinking about what he had said, turned to the man and apologized,“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis？ ”
“I don’t have arthritis, Father, ”the drunk said,“but I just read in the paper that the Pope does. ”
醉鬼與關節炎
一天，一個像是從酒桶裏鑽出來的醉鬼上了一輛公交車。他坐在一名牧師旁邊。酒鬼的衣服髒兮兮的，他的臉上全是鮮紅的唇印，口袋裏還裝著半瓶酒。
他打開報紙開始讀起來。幾分鍾後，他問牧師：“神父，什麼會引起關節炎呢？”“關節炎是由沉溺於謊言、邪惡的婦人、過量的酒精的懶散生活和不尊重他人所造成的。”牧師回答道。“讓我想一下。”醉鬼喃喃自語，又繼續讀他的報紙。那名牧師想了想他剛才所說的話，轉過頭對男人道歉：“對不起，我本來並不打算說得這麼無情。你患關節炎多久了？”
“我沒有關節炎，神父，”醉鬼說，“是我剛剛在報紙上看到教皇有。”
26 Encore
Jimmy, a popular comedian, sings with a booming voice. He is a retired singer, too. I had him to perform at the Chinese New Year’s Party in New York City a few times. On one occasion, he told ﹩50‐a‐plate guests this story:
“Years ago, I was singing at La Scala, the world famous opera house in Milan, Italy. After I finished singing La donna e mobile, the famous aria from Rigoletto, the audience hollered, Bravo! Bravo! Encore! Encore!’They demanded that I sing one more time. I complied of course, but they kept on yelling,‘Bravo! Bravo! Encore! Encore！’and wanted me to sing the aria again and again. After the seighteenth time, I finally said,‘Look, folks! I appreciate your kindness, but the show must go on. I can’t stand here and sing forever. ’In the balcony, a little old lady stuck her head out and shouted,‘You’re going to keep on singing until you get it right, you bum. ’”