An old man was selling maps at the side of the street, and he at once came to Dick and said,“Map of the city, sir？”
我在哪兒
狄克住在英格蘭的一座小鎮上，假期裏總是呆在國內。但是去年，他想：“我從來沒出過國，而我所有的朋友都去過西班牙度假，都覺得那兒不錯，今年我也要去那兒。”
他首先去了馬德裏，在一家小旅館裏呆了幾天。第一天早晨他出去逛街。
在英國，人們是靠左行駛，而在西班牙是靠右。狄克忘了這事。他在過一條車輛擁擠的街道時，被一輛自行車撞倒在地。
狄克在地上躺了幾秒鍾，接著坐起來說：“我這是在哪裏？”
一位在街道邊賣地圖的老人立即走到狄克跟前說：“先生，買張交通圖吧。”
One day Cliff bought a donkey in the market; but while he was taking it home, two thieves followed him. One of them took the rope from the donkey’s neck and tied it round his friend’s neck. Then he went away with the donkey.
When Cliff got home, he turned and saw the young man. He was very surprised.“Where is my donkey？ ”he said angrily.
“I’m very sorry,”“said the thief,“but once I said some very bad things to my mother, and she changed me into a donkey. But because a good man bought me, I am now a man again! Thank you! ”
Cliff untied the man and said,“Go! And never say bad things to your mother again! ”
The next day, Cliff saw the same donkey in the market again! The other thief was selling it.
Cliff went to it and said into its ear,“Young man, some people will never learn. ”
有些人永遠也不肯接受教訓
一天，柯利弗在集市上買了一頭驢子，但他牽著驢子往家走的時候，兩個賊跟在了後麵。其中一個從驢脖子上解下繩子，係在了他朋友的脖子上，然後就帶著驢子走了。
柯利弗回到家，轉過身看見了那個年輕人，他大吃一驚。“我的驢子呢？”他生氣地說。
“對不起，”那個賊說，“是這樣的，有一次我對我母親說了很難聽的話，她就把我變成了一頭驢。但因為一個好人買下了我，所以現在我就又變回人了！謝謝你啊！”
柯利弗解開繩子說：“走吧！別再對你母親說難聽的話啦！”
第二天，柯利弗在集市上又看見了那頭驢子，另一個賊正在賣它。
柯利弗走到驢子邊，湊近它的耳朵說：“年輕人啊，有些人永遠也不肯接受教訓。”
Jack Hawkins was the football coach at an American college, and he Was always trying to find good players. but they weren’t always smart enough to be accepted by the college.
One day the coach brought an excellent young player to the dean of the cortege and asked that the student be allowed to enter without an examination.“Well. ”the dean said after some persuasion,“I’d better ask him a few questions first. ”
Then he turned to the student and asked him some very easy questions, but the student didn’t know any of the answers.
At last the dean said,“Well, what’s six times eight？”
The student thought for a long time and then answered, “forty‐nine. ”
The dean threw up his hands and looked at the coach in despair, but the coach said earnestly,“Oh, please let him in, sir!He was only wrong by two. ”
隻比正確答案多二
傑克霍金斯是美國一所學院的橄欖球隊教練，他竭力想物色好球員。但是好球員學業不行，院方不願錄取。
有一天，教練帶著一位優秀的年輕球員去見院長，希望院方同意他免試入學。經過一番勸說後院長說：“那我最好先問他幾個問題。”
然後他轉向學生，問了幾個非常簡單的問題。可是那個學生一個也答不上來。
最後院長說：“那麼，六乘八得多少？”
學生想了很久，然後回答說：“四十九。”
院長攤開雙手失望地看了看教練。可是教練認真地說，“噢，錄取他吧，先生。他的答案隻比正確答案多二。”
A drunk decides to go ice‐fishing, so he gathers his gear and goes walking around until he finds a big patch of ice. He heads into the center of the ice and begins to saw a hole.
An of sudden, a loud booming voice comes out of the sky,“You will find no fish under that ice.”
The drunk looks around, but sees no one. He starts sawing again. Once more, the voice speaks,“As I said before, there are no fish under the iee. ”
The drunk looks around, high and low, but can’t see a single soul. He picks up the saw and tries one more time to finish. Before he can even start cutting, the huge voice interrupts.“I have warned you three times now. There are no fish!”The drunk is now flustered and somewhat scared, so he asks the voice,“How do you know there are no fish？ Are you God trying to warn me？”“No,” the voice replied,“I am the manager of this hockey area!”
醉漢
醉漢決定來冰上釣魚，所以他拿著家夥出發直到看見一大片冰地。他往冰地中央走去開始鋸洞。突然，有個聲音由空中傳來：“你在那冰塊下找不到魚。”
醉漢抬起頭，但沒看到任何人。他又開始鋸冰的工作。再次的，聲音說話了：“我說過了，那裏沒有魚。”
醉漢四處張望，上看下看，還是找不到半個人影。他又拿起鋸子想繼續，更大的聲音打斷了他：“我已經警告你三次了。沒有魚！”
醉漢現在慌了而且嚇得六神無主，因此他問道：“你怎麼知道沒有魚！是上帝想要警告我嗎？”
“不，”那個聲音回答，“我是這個曲棍球場的經理。”
Two good friends, Javin and Louis, were having fun solving riddles.“I think I have a good one. ”said Louis suddenly,“Listen to this, and see if you can solve it. I bet you can’t. ”
“What is it？”asked his friend Javin.
“Well, here goes: A negro falls into the red sea. The question is: What is the inevitable result？ The result must be absolutely inevitable, mind you. ”
“Mmmm... He drowns.”said Javin quickly.
“But suppose he gets rescued. ”continued Louis,“Then he wouldn’t drown, would he？”
“Er... He swims away. ”Javin guessed again.
“But suppose he can’t swim.”Louis said.
“Then he gets rescued.”Javin guessed the third time.
“No, no. Suppose there’s no one to rescue him... ”
“He becomes red.”Javin tried again.
“But the Red Sea isn’t really red, is it？”
“That’s true... Oh, I give up. ”Javin sighed,“You tell me. ”
“The absolutely inevitable result？ HE GETS WET! Right？”
你能猜到答案嗎
兩個好朋友加文和路易斯正在猜謎語。“我想我有個好謎語。”路易斯突然說道，“你聽著，看能不能猜到答案。我敢打賭你猜不著。”
“是什麼？”他的朋友問道。
“啊，是這樣：一個黑人掉進紅海裏。問題是：什麼是不可避免的結果？這結果是絕對不可避免的，請你注意。”
“噢！他淹死了。”加文很快地回答說。
“可是，假設他被救上來了呢？”路易斯接著說，“那他豈不是淹不死了嗎？”
“啊，他遊泳離開了？”
“可是，他如果不會遊泳呢？”路易斯說。
“那他是被人救上來了。”加文第三次猜著說。
“不，不。也許（根本）沒有人來救他呢？”
“他變紅了。”加文接著說。
“可是紅海並不是紅色的，不是嗎？”
“倒也是，哎，我放棄，”加文歎了一口氣說，“你告訴我吧。”
“絕對不可避免的結果是：他身上濕了！不是嗎？”