Tom: looking at the crying new baby: Has he just come from heaven？
Mother: Yes.
Tom: Well, it’s no wonder they put him out.
怪不得他們把他趕出來
湯姆：看著不斷哭著的新生兒：他是剛從天堂裏來嗎？
媽媽：是的。
湯姆：嗯，怪不得他們把他趕出來。
John: My brother has an important job. He works with 50, 000 people under him.
Jack: Is he the head of a big factory？
John: No, he mows lawns in a cemetery.
重要工作
約翰：我哥哥的工作非常重要，他手下有五萬人。
傑克：他是一個大廠的廠長嗎？
約翰：不，他為墓地鋤草。
Mother: Jack, why do you drink so much water？
Tim: I have just had an apple, Mum.
Mother: What’s that got to do with it？
Tim: I forgot to wash the apple.
一個有用的方法
媽媽：“傑克，你幹嘛喝這麼多水呀？”
蒂姆：“我剛才吃了個蘋果，媽媽。”
媽媽：“可是這跟喝水有什麼關係呢？”
蒂姆：“我忘了洗蘋果。”
Jenny: If you have one dollars, and you ask your father for three dollars, how much will you have？
Billy: one dollars.
Jenny: You don’t know your math.
Billy: You don’t know my father.
你不了解我爸
詹妮：“如果你有一元，你再向你爸爸要三元，你會有幾元？”
比利：“一元。”
詹妮：“你不會算數嗎！”
比利：“你又不了解我爸！”
Father asked her little girl,“Darling, what did the teacher teach you today？”
“Nothing, Dod,”answered the girl proudly,“instead, he asked me how much one plus two is, and I told him three. ”
老師教了什麼
爸爸問她的小女兒：“寶貝，今天老師都教你什麼？”
女兒驕傲地回答說：“爸爸，什麼也沒有教，他反而問我1加2是多少，我告訴他等於3。”
A teacher is droning away in the classroom when she notices a student sleeping way up in the back row. The teacher shouts to the sleeping student’s neighbor,“Hey, wake that student up!”
The neighbor yells back,“You put him to sleep, you wake him up!”
把他叫醒
老師在教室裏敷衍地講著課，這時她注意到後排有一個學生正在睡覺。老師對睡覺同學的同桌吼道：“嘿，把那名學生叫醒！”
同桌也吼回去：“是你讓他睡著的，你把他叫醒！”
William and Angus were quarrelling about whose father was stronger.
William said,“Well, you know the Pacific Ocean？ My father’s the one who dug the hole for it. ”
Angus wasn’t impressed,“Well, that’s nothing. You know the Dead Sea？ My father’s the one who killed it!”
誰的父親更強壯
威廉和安格斯在為誰的父親更強壯而爭吵。
威廉說：“喏，你知道太平洋嗎？那是我爸爸挖出來的。”
安格斯不屑一顧：“哦，那沒什麼。你知道死海嗎？那是我爸爸殺死的。”
A small boy leading a donkey passed by an Army camp. A couple of soldies wanted to have some fun with the lad.
“What are you holding onto your brother so tight for, sonny？”asked one of them.
“So he won’t join the army.”the youngster replied without blinking an eye.
小男孩與驢子
一個小男孩牽著頭驢子穿過部隊營房。兩名士兵想跟小家夥開個玩笑。
“小孩，你把你哥哥牽得這麼緊幹什麼？”其中一人問道。
“這樣，他就不會去參軍了。”小家夥眼都不眨地回答道。
An elderly gentleman being, one evening, in the company of some persons who were much amused at the witty sayings of a child, said to someone near him that witty children usually made stupid men.
The child heard him and said to him,“Sir, you were very witty, no doubt when you were young. ”
機智的回答
一天傍晚，一位長者和幾個人在一起津津樂道地談論著兒童的才智，長者對身旁的人說，聰明的兒童後來往往變成蠢漢。有個小孩聽到了，便說道：“先生，毫無疑問，你年輕時肯定很聰明。”
A father and his child are at a wedding.
The little boy looks at his dad and says,“Dad, why does the girl wear white？”
His dad replies,“The bride is in white because she’s happy and this is the happiest day of her life. ”
The boy thinks about this, and then says,“Well then, why is the boy wearing black？ ”
婚禮
爸爸和他的孩子在一場婚禮上。
小男孩看著他的爸爸問道：“爸爸，為什麼那個女孩穿著白色的衣服呢？”
他的爸爸回答說：“新娘穿著白色是因為她非常開心，這是她一生中最快樂的日子。”
小男孩想了會兒，然後說：“那麼，為什麼那個男孩穿黑色的衣服呢？”
A father of four children came home with a toy, summoned his children and asked which one of them should be given the present,“Who is the most obedient, never talks back to mother and does everything he or she is told？”he inquired.
There was silence, and then a chorus of voices,“You play with it, daddy!”
禮物該給誰
一位有四個孩子的父親帶著一件玩具回到家裏，把孩子們召集起來問這件禮物該給誰。“誰最聽話，從不和媽媽頂嘴，讓幹什麼就幹什麼？”他問道。
大家都不吭聲。過了一會兒，孩子們異口同聲地說：“爸爸，您玩吧。”
A lady lost her handbag. It was found by an honest little boy and returned to her.
Looking in her purse, she commented,“Hmmm...that’s funny. When I lost my bag there was a $10 bill in it. Now there are ten $ 1 bills. ”
The boy quickly replied,“That’s right, lady. The last time I found a lady’s purse, she didn’t have any change for a reward. ”
丟錢包
一個女人丟了手提包，有一個誠實的小孩撿到後交還給了她。
她看了看錢包，說：“嗯，有趣，我丟的時候裏麵是一張10美元，現在成了10張一美元。”
“沒錯，夫人。”小男孩立刻回答道，“上次我撿到錢包時，那位夫人沒有零錢獎賞給我。”
A little boy and his little sister were spending the night at their grandparents.
At bedtime, they knelt beside their beds to say their prayers when the younger one began praying at the top of her lungs.
“I pray for a NEW BICYCLE...I pray for a NEW VCR...”
His older brother nudged the younger sister and said,“Why are you shouting your prayers？God isn’t deaf. ”To which the little sister replied,“No, but Grandma is!”
上帝和祖母
一個小男孩和他的妹妹在他們的祖父母家過夜。
睡覺前，他們跪在床旁祈禱。妹妹用非常大的聲音祈禱著。“我祈求有一輛新自行車……我祈求有一個新錄像機……”
他的哥哥用肘輕輕地碰了妹妹一下，說：“你為什麼這麼大聲地喊叫呢？上帝又不是聾子。”
妹妹聽了回答道：“上帝是不聾，可奶奶聾呀！”
One day a girl came to her teacher and said,“Teacher, My father wants to know if you like roast pig. ”
“I certainly do,”said the teacher,“and you tell your father he is very kind to think of me.”
Days passed, and nothing more was said about the roast pig.
Finally the teacher said to the girl,“I thought your father was going to send me over some roast pig. ”
“Yes,”said the girl.“he did intend to, but the pig got well. ”
烤豬
一天有個女孩去對他老師說：“老師，我爸想知道你是不是愛吃烤豬肉。”
“當然嘍，”老師說，“告訴你父親，多謝他想著我。”
好幾天過去了，再沒誰提起烤豬肉的事兒。
最後老師對女孩說：“我以為你父親要給我送點兒烤豬肉來呢。”
“是啊，”孩子說，“他是這麼想的，可後來豬又痊愈了。”
A stranger on horseback came to a river with which he was unfamiliar.
The traveler asked a youngster if it was deep.
“No.”replied the boy, and the rider started to cross. But soon found that he and his horse had to swim for their lives.
When the traveler reached the other side he turned and shouted,“I thought you said it wasn’t deep？”