So over the next weeks and months, I told Emma three things that every twentysomething, male or female, deserves to hear.
所以接下去的幾個星期幾個月，我告訴Emma三件事，所有20多歲的男生女生都值得聽一聽。
First, I told Emma to forget about having an identity crisis and get some identity capital. By get identity capital, I mean do something that adds value to who you are. Do something that\u0027s an investment in who you might want to be next.
首先，我告訴Emma忘掉她的自我認識危機，去獲得一些身份認定的資本。身份資本是指做增加自我價值的事。為自己下一步想成為的樣子做一些事一些投資。
I didn\u0027t know the future of Emma\u0027s career, and no one knows the future of work, but I do know this: Identity capital begets identity capital. So now is the time for that cross-country job, that internship, that startup you want to try.
我不知道Emma的工作將來是什麼樣的，也沒人知道將來的工作是什麼樣的，但是我知道：身份資本會創造出更多身份資本。現在是時候去嚐試你想要的海外工作、實習或者新起點。
I\u0027m not discounting twentysomething exploration here, but I am discounting exploration that\u0027s not supposed to count, which, by the way, is not exploration. That\u0027s procrastination. I told Emma to explore work and make it count.
我不是輕視20多歲的自我探索，而是輕視那些隨便玩玩無所謂的探索，或者從某種意義上說那不是探索。那是拖遝！我告訴Emma去探索工作，讓她的探索有所回報。
Second, I told Emma that the urban tribe is overrated.
第二，我告訴Emma不要高估自己的朋友圈。
Best friends are great for giving rides to the airport, but twentysomethings who huddle together with like-minded peers limit who they know, what they know, how they think, how they speak, and where they work. That new piece of capital, that new person to date almost always comes from outside the inner circle.
好朋友會載你去機場，而和“誌同道合的朋友” 瞎混的20多歲的人，他們的交際圈、知識麵、思維方式、說話方式和工作層麵都被限製住了。新的資本或者新的約會對方往往是從內部交際圈之外來的。
New things come from what are called our weak ties, our friends of friends of friends. So yes, half of twentysomethings are un- or under-employed. But half aren\u0027t, and weak ties are how you get yourself into that group. Half of new jobs are never posted, so reaching out to your neighbor\u0027s boss is how you get that un-posted job. It\u0027s not cheating. It\u0027s the science of how information spreads.
新的事情來自我們所謂的“遠的關係”，我們朋友的朋友的朋友。沒錯，半數20多歲的人處在失業和半失業的狀態。但是另外一半的人卻不是這樣的，“遠的關係”正是你融入一個新的群體的紐帶。有半數的新工作從來不公示出來，所以聯絡你鄰居的老板是你找到那些未公示工作的方式。這不叫作弊，這是信息傳播的科學方式。
Last but not least, Emma believed that you can\u0027t pick your family, but you can pick your friends. Now this was true for her growing up, but as a twentysomething, soon Emma would pick her family when she partnered with someone and created a family of her own.
最後一點也很重要，Emma相信你無法選擇你的家庭，但是你可以選擇你的朋友。可這隻是她成長時期的狀況。作為一個20多歲的人，Emma很快會與某人為伴組建她自己的新家庭。
I told Emma the time to start picking your family is now. Now you may be thinking that 30 is actually a better time to settle down than 20, or even 25, and I agree with you. But grabbing whoever you\u0027re living with or sleeping with when everyone on Facebook starts walking down the aisle is not progress.
我告訴Emma現在就是你選擇你家庭的時候。現在你也許會想相比於20歲，25歲或30歲時組建家庭會更好。我同意你的看法。但是當你Facebook上的朋友都開始步入婚姻殿堂時，你隨便抓一個人一起生活、睡覺絕對不是組建家庭的過程。
The best time to work on your marriage is before you have one, and that means being as intentional with love as you are with work. Picking your family is about consciously choosing who and what you want rather than just making it work or killing time with whoever happens to be choosing you.
經營你婚姻的最佳時間是你還沒結婚的時候，這意味要像你為了工作一樣精心謀劃。選擇你的家庭是有意識地去選擇你想要的人和事，而不是為了結婚或者消磨時光，任意選擇一個正好選擇你的人。
So what happened to Emma? Well, we went through that address book, and she found an old roommate\u0027s cousin who worked at an art museum in another state. That weak tie helped her get a job there. That job offer gave her the reason to leave that live-in boyfriend.
Emma發生了什麼變化呢？我們翻了一遍通訊錄，她發現她原來的舍友的表妹在另一個州的一家藝術博物館工作。這層遠關係幫助她在那裏得到一份工作。這份工作給她一個理由離開她那同居的男友。
Now, five years later, she\u0027s a special events planner for museums. She\u0027s married to a man she mindfully chose. She loves her new career, she loves her new family, and she sent me a card that said, \"Now the emergency contact blanks don\u0027t seem big enough.\"
現在五年過去了，她是一名博物館特別活動策劃者。她和一個她用心選擇的男人結婚了。她愛她的事業，她愛她的新家，她寄給我一張賀卡寫道，“現在緊急聯係欄似乎不夠填呢。”
Now Emma\u0027s story made that sound easy, but that\u0027s what I love about working with twentysomethings. They are so easy to help. Twentysomethings are like airplanes just leaving LAX, bound for somewhere west. Right after takeoff, a slight change in course is the difference between landing in Alaska or Fiji.
Emma的故事聽起來簡單，這正是為什麼我愛和20多歲人打交道。幫助20多歲的人很容易。20多歲就像離開洛杉磯飛往西部某處的飛機，起飛之後，一點小小變化都會影響到它最終將降落在阿拉斯加還是斐濟。
Likewise, at 21 or 25 or even 29, one good conversation, one good break, one good TED Talk, can have an enormous effect across years and even generations to come. So here\u0027s an idea worth spreading to every twentysomething you know.
同理，在你21歲，25歲甚至29歲的時候，一次好的談話、好的休息、好的TED演講，能在未來的幾年甚至幾代人的時間裏帶來巨大的影響。因此這個想法值得傳達給每一個你所認識的20多歲人。
It\u0027s as simple as what I learned to say to Alex. It\u0027s what I now have the privilege of saying to twentysomethings like Emma every single day: Thirty is not the new 20, so claim your adulthood, get some identity capital, use your weak ties, pick your family. Don\u0027t be defined by what you didn\u0027t know or didn\u0027t do. You\u0027re deciding your life right now. Thank you.
這想法就像我後來告訴Alex的話一樣簡單。我應該每天都對像Emma這樣的20多歲的人說：30歲不是一個新的20歲，所以規劃好你的成年生活，獲得一些身份認同資本，利用你的遠關係，選擇你的家庭。不要被你所不知道的，從未做過的事所禁錮。你現在的作為決定著你的人生。謝謝。
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我的思考：
二十歲不是可以荒廢的年紀，三十歲之後的人生需要二十歲的積累。（我認為這裏的二十歲，三十歲也可以看作一種代指）平時要有意思地積累一些有意義的技能、知識、人脈……要會選擇益友，我相信近朱者赤近墨者黑這句話。希望我們不管多少歲都能勇敢地生活，盡情地享受世界。