但是我們卻很少聽到成年發展期，而我們的20多歲正是成年發展期的關鍵。但是20多歲的人卻聽不到這些，報紙討論的隻是成年年齡界線的變更。
Researchers call the 20s an extended adolescence. Journalists coin silly nicknames for twentysomethings like \"twixters\" and \"kidults.\" It\u0027s true. As a culture, we have trivialized what is actually the defining decade of adulthood.
研究者稱20多歲是延長的青春期。記者就引用傻傻的外號稱呼20多歲的人，比如“twixters” (twenty-mixters)和“kidults”(kid-adults)。 這是真的。作為一種文化，我們的忽視的正是對成年起到決定性作用的十年（從20歲到30歲）。
Leonard Bernstein said that to achieve great things, you need a plan and not quite enough time. Isn\u0027t that true? So what do you think happens when you pat a twentysomething on the head and you say, \"You have 10 extra years to start your life\"? Nothing happens. You have robbed that person of his urgency and ambition, and absolutely nothing happens.
雷昂納德·伯恩斯坦說過：要想取得成就，你需要一個計劃和緊迫的時間。這是大實話啊！所以當你拍著一個20多歲的人的腦袋，跟他說，“你有額外的10年去開始你的生活”，你覺得這改變了什麼？什麼都沒改變。你隻是奪走了那個人的緊迫感和雄心壯誌，絕對沒有改變什麼。
And then every day, smart, interesting twentysomethings like you or like your sons and daughters come into my office and say things like this: \"I know my boyfriend\u0027s no good for me, but this relationship doesn\u0027t count. I\u0027m just killing time.\" Or they say, \"Everybody says as long as I get started on a career by the time I\u0027m 30, I\u0027ll be fine.\"
然後每天，那些聰明有趣的20多歲的人就像你們和你們的兒子女兒一樣，走入我的辦公室開始說：“我知道我的男朋友對我不夠好，但是我們的關係不算數。我隻是在消磨時光而已。”或者說“每個人都告訴我隻要能在30歲的時候開始我的事業，這就足夠了。”
But then it starts to sound like this: \"My 20s are almost over, and I have nothing to show for myself. I had a better résumé the day after I graduated from college.\" And then it starts to sound like this: \"Dating in my 20s was like musical chairs. Everybody was running around and having fun, but then sometime around 30 it was like the music turned off and everybody started sitting down.
但是實際聽上去卻是：“我馬上就要三十了，卻根本就沒有東西展示。我隻是在大學畢業時有過一份最漂亮的簡曆。” 或是這樣：“我20多歲時的約會就像找凳子。每個人都繞著凳子跑，隨便玩一玩，但是快30的時候就像音樂停止了，所有人開始坐下。
I didn\u0027t want to be the only one left standing up, so sometimes I think I married my husband because he was the closest chair to me at 30.\" Where are the twentysomethings here? Do not do that. Okay, now that sounds a little flip, but make no mistake, the stakes are very high.
我不想成為那唯一站著的人，所以有時候我會想我和我丈夫之所以會結婚，是因為在我30歲的時候，他是當時離我最近的那張凳子。在場的20多歲的人呐，千萬不要這樣做。這個做法聽起來有點輕率，但是不要犯錯，因為風險很高。
When a lot has been pushed to your 30s, there is enormous thirtysomething pressure to jump-start a career, pick a city, partner up, and have two or three kids in a much shorter period of time. Many of these things are incompatible, and as research is just starting to show, simply harder and more stressful to do all at once in our 30s.
當很多事都被擠到你30多歲的時候，就會有巨大壓力，在很短的時間內快速啟動一項事業，挑一個城市，找到伴侶，生兩三個孩子。這些事大多是不能同時完成的，正如研究表明，在30歲的時候要想工作生活一步到位，難度很高，壓力很大。
The post-millennial midlife crisis isn\u0027t buying a red sports car. It\u0027s realizing you can\u0027t have that career you now want. It\u0027s realizing you can\u0027t have that child you now want, or you can\u0027t give your child a sibling.
千禧年後的中年危機並不是一輛紅色跑車。而是意識到你不能擁有你想擁有的事業，意識到你不能擁有你想要的孩子，或者給你的孩子添個兄弟姐妹。
Too many thirtysomethings and fortysomethings look at themselves, and at me, sitting across the room, and say about their 20s, \"What was I doing? What was I thinking?\" I want to change what twentysomethings are doing and thinking.
太多30多歲40多歲的人看看他們自己，看看我，坐在屋子裏談論自己的20多歲，“我當時都幹麼了？我當時都想啥了？”我想改變現在20多歲人的所思所為。
Here\u0027s a story about how that can go. It\u0027s a story about a woman named Emma. At 25, Emma came to my office because she was, in her words, having an identity crisis. She said she thought she might like to work in art or entertainment, but she hadn\u0027t decided yet, so she\u0027d spent the last few years waiting tables instead.
這裏我想講個故事說明問題。這個故事是關於名叫Emma一個女人。她25歲的時候走入我的辦公室，因為用她自己的話說，她有自我認識危機。她說她也許想從事關於藝術或者娛樂的工作，但是她還沒決定。所以取而代之的是她花了過去幾年的時間當服務員。
Because it was cheaper, she lived with a boyfriend who displayed his temper more than his ambition. And as hard as her 20s were, her early life had been even harder. She often cried in our sessions, but then would collect herself by saying, \"You can\u0027t pick your family, but you can pick your friends.\"
為了減少開銷，她和她的男朋友同居，一個脾氣暴躁而無誌向的人。正如她悲慘的20多歲，她早年的生活更加悲慘。她經常在談話過程中哭泣，努力鎮定下來後說“你沒辦法選擇你的家庭，但是你可以選擇你的朋友。”
Well one day, Emma comes in and she hangs her head in her lap, and she sobbed for most of the hour. She\u0027d just bought a new address book, and she\u0027d spent the morning filling in her many contacts, but then she\u0027d been left staring at that empty blank that comes after the words \"In case of emergency, please call ... \"
有一天，Emma走進來，她雙手抱頭於膝蓋，然後抽泣了幾乎一個小時。她剛買了一個新的通訊錄本子，然後花了一整個早上的時間填寫她的聯係人信息。當她填到“萬一發生緊急情況，請聯係...”的時候，她沒有任何人可填。
She was nearly hysterical when she looked at me and said, \"Who\u0027s going to be there for me if I get in a car wreck? Who\u0027s going to take care of me if I have cancer?\" Now in that moment, it took everything I had not to say, \"I will.\"
她幾乎崩潰地看著我並說，“如果我被車撞了，誰會在那裏？假如我得癌症了，誰會在那裏？” 在那種情況下，我花了好大力氣才忍住說“我會。”
But what Emma needed wasn\u0027t some therapist who really, really cared. Emma needed a better life, and I knew this was her chance. I had learned too much since I first worked with Alex to just sit there while Emma\u0027s defining decade went parading by.
Emma所需要的並不是理療師所真正關心的。她需要一個更好的生活，我知道這是她的機會。自Alex開始，我從這份工作上學到了很多，不能隻是坐在那裏看著Emma十年黃金定型期白白消逝。