In looking over my sister Anne's papers, I find mournful evidence that religious feeling had been to her but too much like what it was to Cowper; I mean, of course, in a far milder form. Without rendering her a prey to those horrors that defy concealment, it subdued her mood and bearing to a perpetual pensiveness; the pillar of a cloud glided constantly before her eyes; she ever waited at the foot of a secret Sinai, listening in her heart to the voice of a trumpet sounding long and waxing louder. Some, perhaps, would rejoice over these tokens of sincere though sorrowing piety in a deceased relative: I own, to me they seem sad, as if her whole innocent life had been passed under the martyrdom of an unconfessed physical pain: their effect, indeed, would be too distressing, were it not combated by the certain knowledge that in her last moments this tyranny of a too tender conscience was overcome; this pomp of terrors broke up, and passing away, left her dying hour unclouded. Her belief in God did not then bring to her dread, as of a stern Judge,--but hope, as in a Creator and Saviour: and no faltering hope was it, but a sure and stedfast conviction, on which, in the rude passage from Time to Eternity, she threw the weight of her human weakness, and by which she was enabled to bear what was to be borne, patiently --serenely--victoriously.
DESPONDENCY.
I have gone backward in the work;The labour has not sped;Drowsy and dark my spirit lies, Heavy and dull as lead.
How can I rouse my sinking soul From such a lethargy?
How can I break these iron chains And set my spirit free?
There have been times when I have mourned!
In anguish o'er the past, And raised my suppliant hands on high, While tears fell thick and fast;And prayed to have my sins forgiven, With such a fervent zeal, An earnest grief, a strong desire As now I cannot feel.
And I have felt so full of love, So strong in spirit then, As if my heart would never cool, Or wander back again.
And yet, alas! how many times My feet have gone astray!
How oft have I forgot my God!