第四章
士兵的高招
由於生意方麵的事，洛賓遜先生得出趟門。因為事情有點急，他決定乘坐飛機。乘機旅行時，他喜歡靠窗戶坐，因此一登上飛機，他就尋找一個靠窗戶的位子。他發現隻有一個靠窗戶的座位還空著。在那空座位的旁邊坐著一名士兵。令洛賓遜先生納悶的是，這位士兵沒有坐在靠窗的位置。洛賓遜先生不管那些，他馬上徑直朝那個空座位走去。
然而，當他到了那兒，他看見座位上有個啟事，是用鋼筆寫的：“為保持裝載平衡，特預訂該位置，謝謝合作。” 洛賓遜先生還從未在飛機上見過如此不同尋常的啟事，不過，他想飛機上一定裝載了特別重的物品，於是他找了個不靠窗戶的座位。
又有兩三位乘客試圖坐在那個士兵旁邊的靠窗的座位上，他們看了那則啟事後，就走開了。當快滿艙時，一位非常美麗的姑娘匆匆地走進機艙。一直在注意進艙乘客的那個士兵，趕緊拿掉他旁邊空座位上的啟事。士兵用這種方法，成功地找到了一位姑娘一路做伴。
Honeymooners
A pair of honeymooners checked into the Watergate Hotel in Washington, D.C. That night, as the husband was about to turn off the light, his bride asked, “Do you think this room is bugged?”
“That was a long time ago, sweet-heart,” he reassured her.
“But what if there’s a microphone somewhere? I’d be so embarrassed.”
So the groom searched under the tables and behind the pictures. Then he turned back the rug. Sure enough, there was a funny-looking gizmo in the floor. He took out the screws, got rid of the hardware, and climbed into bed.
The next morning the newly weds were awakened by a hotel clerk who wanted to know if they had slept well.
“We did,” replied the groom. “Why do you ask?”
“It’s rather unusual.” The clerk answered， “Last night the couple in the room below yours had a chandelier fall on them.”
蜜月新人
一對正在度蜜月的新婚夫婦到華盛頓的水門旅館登記住宿。當天晚上，丈夫剛要熄燈，新娘子問道：“你看這個房間會不會裝有竊聽器？”
“親愛的，那都是過去的事了。” 丈夫安慰她。
“可要是什麼地方藏著傳聲器，那該怎麼辦呢？那叫人多不好意思啊！”
所以新郎就在桌子底下和掛畫後麵的牆壁上搜查了一遍。然後他翻開了地毯。果然，地板中有個外表奇特的小玩意兒。他擰下螺絲，卸掉零件，就爬進了被窩。
第二天早上，這對新人被旅館的工作人員叫醒了，他問他們晚上是否睡的好。
“睡的好啊,”新郎回答到：“你為什麼要問這個問題呢？”
“這太不尋常了,”工作人員說道：“昨天夜裏有盞枝型吊燈落下去，砸在了你們樓下那對夫婦身上。”
Misunderstanding
During a trip to Japan, my friend and I stayed in an inexpensive hotel. After an exhausting day, we returned to our lodgings, tired and thirsty. We asked at the front desk in English to have two 7Ups sent to our room.
The drinks never came, so we went to bed, early the next morning, the desk clerk phoned: “morning call, seven up.”
誤 解
在一次日本的旅行中，我和我的朋友一起住進了一家普通旅館。由於忙碌了一天，回到住所後，我們感到又累又渴。於是我們在服務台用英語告訴了服務員給我們房間送兩瓶七喜汽水。
但飲料遲遲沒給我們送來，於是我們就上床休息了。第二天一大早，服務員打來電話：“叫早服務，七點到了，該起床了。”
(住：7UP是一種飲料（七喜），日本服務員誤解為“七點起床”。)
You Can Come Down
The cruise ship my friend was working on socked at a Mexican port during a very high tide. Everyone on board was forced to use the ship’s narrow gangplank as a passageway to the dock far below.
The staff stood motionless when a passenger in her 70’s appeared at the top of the plank. There wasn’t room for anyone to assist her, so she edged along slowly and finally made it to the dock safely, to everyone’s relief. As she stepped down, she turned, looked back at the top of the plank and shouted, “it’s okay, mother, you can come down now.”
您可以下來了
我的一位朋友在遊覽船上工作。有一次船停泊在墨西哥的一個港口，這時正是潮水很高的時候，遊客們從船上下到碼頭必須使用很窄的跳板作為通道。
一位七十多歲的老婦人出現在跳板的頂端時，船上的工作人員都嚇得呆站著，大氣也不敢出。跳板太窄，沒有辦法讓人去攙扶老婦人。所以她慢慢地側著身子往下走，最後終於安全地到達那碼頭上，大家也都放心了。她下來以後，轉過身，望著跳板的頂端喊道：“放心吧，媽媽，您現在可以下來了。”
Christmas Tree
Searching through row upon row of Christmas trees, my husband Norm and I picked one we liked. Then I noticed the one being held by a woman nearby the perfect tree. I watched as she carried it around the lot and couldn’t believe my eyes when she set it aside.
I ditched ours and ran over to grab the coveted tree. “Aren’t we lucky?” I said to Norm. “I do feel a little guilty, however, for taking it before she could change her mind.”
“I wouldn’t worry,” he replied, “she just ran over and snatched ours.”
聖誕樹
我和丈夫諾姆挑選聖誕樹，挑了一排又一排，終於選了一棵中意的。這時我注意到旁邊一位婦女手裏拿的一棵——那是一棵絕好的聖誕樹。她拿著那棵樹在那個地方走來走去，我就一直看著。當她將樹放到一邊時，我簡直都不敢相信我的眼睛了。
我丟開我們選的那棵，跑過去一把抓住那棵我垂涎已久的聖誕樹。“我們真走運！”我對諾姆說：“不過，我確實覺得有點愧疚，在她還沒來得及改變主意之前就把它拿了下來。”
“我一點都不擔心，”他回答說。“她剛剛跑過來把我們那棵搶走了。”
Air Force Captain and Mailman
Hurrying to my plebe chemistry class at West Point, I noticed a tactical officer in my regiment coming the other way, white gym bag over his shoulder. He was an Air Force captain, and his blue uniform stood out amid our Army olive drab and cadet gray. I quickly saluted, and then heard the officer demands an explanation from the plebe behind me for his failure to do so.
“But, sir,” said my bewildered classmate, “I thought you were the mailman! ”
空軍上尉與郵遞員
在西點軍校上課時，我急急忙忙地去上新生的化學課。我注意到我們團的一名戰術軍官肩上背著白色的運動包正從另外一邊走來。他是一名空軍上尉，他那藍色的製服在我們陸軍的草綠色製服和暗灰色製服中間格外顯眼。我立即敬了一個禮，接著就聽見那名軍官要求我後麵的學生解釋為什麼沒有那麼做。
“可是，長官，”我的同學迷惑不解地說，“我還以為您是郵遞員呢!”
Old Couple
A couple had been married for 50 years. “Things have really changed, ” she said. “You used to sit very close to me. ”
“Well, I can remedy that,” he said, moving next to her on the couch.
“And you used to hold me tight.”
“How’s that?” He asked as he gave her a hug.
“Do you remember you used to nudge my neck and nibble on my ear lobes?”
He jumped to his feet and left the room. “Where are you going? ” she asked.
“I’ll be right back,” he said, “I’ve got to get my teeth!”
老夫老妻
一對夫妻結婚已經五十年了。“今非昔比啦！”她說，過去你總是緊緊地挨著我坐。”
“嗯，我可以做些補救，”他說，挪到長沙發上，坐在她的旁邊。
“過去你總是緊緊地抱著我。”
“怎麼樣？”他擁抱了她一下，問道。
“你記不記得過去你總是貼近我的脖子，咬我的耳朵？”
他跳起來離開了房間。“你去哪兒？”她問道。
“我馬上就回來，”他說，“我得去取我的牙齒！”
A Trip to Disney
On a trip to Disney World in Florida, my husband and I and our two children devoted us wholeheartedly to the attraction. After three exhausting days, we headed for home.
As we drove away, our son waved and said: “good bye, Mickey.”
Our daughter waved and said, “goodbye, Minnie.”
My husband waved, rather weakly, and said: “goodbye, money.”
迪尼斯之旅
佛羅裏達州的迪斯尼樂園是一個迷人的地方。一次我和丈夫以及兩個孩子前往旅遊，我們全身心地沉醉在它的各種奇觀之中。筋疲力盡地玩了三天之後，我們要回家了。
當我們驅車離開時，兒子揮著手說道：“再見，米奇！”
女兒揮著手說道：“再見，美妮。”
丈夫也有氣無力地揮了揮手，說道：“再見，美元。”
He’s Mine
There seems to be many more widows than widowers in my community. So it was nice to see a couple I know, married 51 years, doing their weekly food shopping together at our local market.
He pushed the grocery cart as his wife, shopping list in hand placed each item inside. When they went to the counter, she discovered that she had forgotten to pick up a package of prunes.
“You get the eggs and milk,” she told her husband. “I’ll go back for the prunes and then catch up with you.”
A few minutes later, prunes in hand, she found her husband in conversation with a woman of about her age. She listened to them for a minute as she approached the cart, then tossed in the prunes.
Annoyed, the woman nudged her aside, whispering, “Get lost. He’s mine!”
他是我的
我住的那一帶，寡婦似乎要比鰥夫多得多。因此，看到我認識的一對結婚已經51年的夫婦，每周一次一起在當地的商場裏采購食品，真讓人感到高興。
丈夫推著購物車，妻子手裏拿著購物單，將每一樣東西放進車裏。當他們最後快要去結帳時，妻子發現她忘了拿上一盒話梅。
“你去拿雞蛋和牛奶，”她告訴丈夫。“我去取話梅，然後來追你。”
幾分鍾以後，她手裏拿著話梅回來時，發現她的丈夫正在和一個年紀和她差不多的女人談話。她向購物車走過去，聽他們講了一會兒，然後將話梅丟進車裏。
那個女人被激怒了，將她推到一邊，低聲說道：“走開，他是我的！”
A Way to Make Money
Mother had decided to trim her household budget wherever possible, so instead of having a dress dry-cleaned she washed it by hand. Proud of her savings, she boasted to my father, “just think, Fred, we are five dollars richer because I washed this dress by hand.”
“Good,” my dad quickly replied. “Wash it again!”
生財有道
母親決定盡可能地減少家務開支，於是她自己洗衣服，而不把衣服送到幹洗店去幹洗了。母親很得意自己的節約之道，對父親自誇道：“弗雷德，你想想，我們又增加了五塊錢的積累，因為我自己動手洗的這些衣服。”
“好啊！” 我父親立即答道：“那就再洗一遍。”
Ancestry
The lady was trying to impress those at the party.“My family’s ancestry is very old,” she said, “it dates back to the days of King John of England.” Then turning to a lady sitting quietly in a corner she asked condescendingly, “How old is your family, my dear?”
“Well,” said the woman with a quiet smile, “I can’t really say. All our family records were lost in the flood.”