I confess that when it was first proposed to me I had a terror of writing this book。 Not that my life has not been more interesting than any novel and more adventurous than any cinema and， if really well written， would not be an epoch？making recital， but there’s the rub—the writing of it！
It has taken me years of struggle， hard work， and research to learn to make one simple gesture， and I know enough about the Art of writing to realise that it would take me again just so many years of concentrated effort to write one simple， beautiful sentence。 How often have I contended that although one man might toil to the Equator and have tremendous exploits with lions and tigers， and try to write about it， yet fail， whereas another who never left his verandah， might write of the killing of tigers in their jungles in a way to make his readers feel that he was actually there， until they can suffer his agony and apprehension， smell lions and hear the fearful approach of the rattlesnake。Nothing seems to exist save in the imagination， and all the marvellous things that have happened to me may lose their savour because I do not possess the pen of a Cervantes or even of a Casanova。
Then another thing。 How can we write the truth about ourselves？Do we even know it？There is the vision ourfriends have of us；the vision we have of ourselves；and the vision our lover has of us。Also the vision our enemies have of us。And all these visions are diferent。I have good reason to know this， because I have had served to me with my morning coffee， newspaper criticisms that declared I was beautiful as a goddess， and that I was a genius， and hardly had I finished smiling contentedly over this， than I picked up the next paper and read that I was without any talent， badly shaped， and a perfect harpy。
I soon gave up reading criticisms of my work。 I could not stipulate that I should only be given the good ones， and the bad were too depressing and provocatively homicidal。There was a critic in Berlin who pursued me with insults。Among other things he said that I was profoundly unmusical。One day I wrote imploring him to come and see me and I would convince him of his errors。He came and as he sat there， across the teatable， I harangued him for an hour and a half about my theories of visional movement created from music。I noticed that he seemed most prosaic and stolid， but what was my uproarious dismay when he produced from his pocket a deafa？phone and informed me he was quite deaf and even with his instrument could hardly hear the orchestra， although he sat in the first row of the stalls！This was the man whose views on myself had kept me awake at night！
So if at each point of view others see in us a different person， how are we to find in ourselves yet another personality of whom to write in this book？Is it to be theChaste Madonna， or the Messalina， or the Magdalen， or the Blue Stocking？Where can I find the woman of all these adventures？It seems to me there was not one， but hundreds—and my soul soaring aloft， not really afected by any of them。
It has been well said that the first essential in writing about anything is that the writer should have no experience of the matter。 To write of what one has actually experienced in words， is to find that they become most evasive。Memories are less tangible than dreams。Indeed， many dreams I have had seem more vivid than my actual memories。Life is a dream， and it is well that it is so， or who could survive some of its experiences？Such， for instance， as the sinking of the Lusitania。An experience like that should leave for ever an expression of horror upon the faces of the men and women who went through it， whereas we meet them everywhere smiling and happy。It is only in romances that people undergo a sudden metamorphosis。In real life， even after the most terrible experiences， the main character remains exactly the same。Witness the number of Russian princes who， after losing everything they possessed， can be seen any evening at Montmartre supping as gaily as ever with chorus girls， just as they did before the war。
Any woman or man who would write the truth of their lives would write a great work。 But no one has dared to write the truth of their lives。Jean？Jacques Rousseau made this supreme sacrifice for Humanity—to unveil the truth of his soul， his most intimate actions and thoughts。Theresult is a great book。Walt Whitman gave his truth to America。At one time his book was forbidden to the mails as an“immoral book。”This term seems absurd to us now。No woman has ever told the whole truth of her life。The autobiographies of the most famous women are a series of accounts of the outward existence， of petty details and anecdotes which give no realisation of their real life。For the great moments of joy or agony they remain strangely silent。