But one thing I will say first.So far as I am concerned I regret nothing and I fear nothing, and I would do it all again and be proud of the job.Curse the beast, if he had as many lives as a cat he would owe them all to me! But it's the lady, Mary --Mary Fraser -- for never will I call her by that accursed name.
When I think of getting her into trouble, I who would give my life just to bring one smile to her dear face, it's that that turns my soul into water.And yet -- and yet -- what less could I do?
I'll tell you my story, gentlemen, and then I'll ask you as man to man what less could I do.
"I must go back a bit.You seem to know everything, so I expect that you know that I met her when she was a passenger and I was first officer of the ROCK OF GIBRALTAR.From the first day Imet her she was the only woman to me.Every day of that voyage I loved her more, and many a time since have I kneeled down in the darkness of the night watch and kissed the deck of that ship because I knew her dear feet had trod it.She was never engaged to me.She treated me as fairly as ever a woman treated a man.
I have no complaint to make.It was all love on my side, and all good comradeship and friendship on hers.When we parted she was a free woman, but I could never again be a free man.
"Next time I came back from sea I heard of her marriage.
Well, why shouldn't she marry whom she liked? Title and money --who could carry them better than she? She was born for all that is beautiful and dainty.I didn't grieve over her marriage.
I was not such a selfish hound as that.I just rejoiced that good luck had come her way, and that she had not thrown herself away on a penniless sailor.That's how I loved Mary Fraser.
"Well, I never thought to see her again; but last voyage I was promoted, and the new boat was not yet launched, so I had to wait for a couple of months with my people at Sydenham.