He stared at me again,gave me his hand awkwardly,and went into the house.It was not until I had walked the length of the block that Ibegan to realize what a shock my presence there must have been to him,with his head full of the contrast between this visit and my former attitude.Could it be that it was only the night before I had made a speech against him and his associates?It is interesting that my mind rejected all sense of anomaly and inconsistency.Krebs possessed me;Imust have been in reality extremely agitated,but this sense of being possessed seemed a quiet one.An amazing thing had happened--and yet Iwas not amazed.The Krebs I had seen was the man I had known for many years,the man I had ridiculed,despised and oppressed,but it seemed to me then that he had been my friend and intimate all my life:more than that,I had an odd feeling he had always been a part of me,and that now had begun to take place a merging of personality.Nor could I feel that he was a dying man.He would live on....
I could not as yet sort and appraise,reduce to order the possessions he had wished to turn over to me.
It was noon,and people were walking past me in the watery,diluted sunlight,men in black coats and top hats and women in bizarre,complicated costumes bright with colour.I had reached the more respectable portion of the city,where the churches were emptying.These very people,whom not long ago I would have acknowledged as my own kind,now seemed mildly animated automatons,wax figures.The day was like hundreds of Sundays I had known,the city familiar,yet passing strange.
I walked like a ghost through it....
XXVI.
Accompanied by young Dr.Strafford,I went to California.My physical illness had been brief.Dr.Brooke had taken matters in his own hands and ordered an absolute rest,after dwelling at some length on the vicious pace set by modern business and the lack of consideration and knowledge shown by men of affairs for their bodies.There was a limit to the wrack and strain which the human organism could stand.He must of course have suspected the presence of disturbing and disintegrating factors,but he confined himself to telling me that only an exceptional constitution had saved me from a serious illness;he must in a way have comprehended why I did not wish to go abroad,and have my family join me on the Riviera,as Tom Peters proposed.California had been my choice,and Dr.Brooke recommended the climate of Santa Barbara.