Passage 1
We have been doing experiment in the lab for two weeks, and I learned a lot of things from the process. We gradually realized that the most important thing is for us to learn and know skills to control specialized equipment in order to do a particular experiment.
Passage 2
Thousands of fans feel sad to learn the superstar died at so early an age. Her short life is full of bitter struggle and hardships, but he has brought about many happy times to his fans. We are very sad to lose a gifted superstar, and we have to blame fate is unfair to a bright singer, and we will remember her and the words in her songs.
Exercise 2: Translate the following sentences into English.
1. 他能吃能睡。
2. 這裏住房緊張。
3. 大幕落下，全場響起了雷鳴般的掌聲。
4. 這種生活方式在年輕人中越來越流行。
5. 他睡覺很容易驚醒。
Section 10Avoid Redundancy
One principle writers should follow in English writing is that brevity is the soul of composition. Since the Chinese language is full of redundancy or repetitions, it is not easy for Chinese English learners to avoid redundancy in English writing. That is to say, redundancy in English writing often results from the transfer of the mother tongue (Chinese). For instance, Chinese students often say such sentence as his performance is very perfect. Here, the word very is redundant due to the influence of Chinese expression hen wanmei.
Generally, redundancy in English writing fall into three categories: grammatical, lexical, and textual redundancies.
*I can tell you a much more funnier story than that.
In the sentence which is taken from a students essay, more is redundant since funnier is already in comparative form. This can be regarded as an example of grammatical redundancy. Redundancy can also be in meaning of words, for instance,
*No matter what he does, he works seriously with great care, and does his best.
In the sentence, seriously indicates with great care, so it is unnecessary to use with great care any more. The following sentences are the beginning of a students essay.
*Every country has its unique educational system, and each educational system has its strong points and weaknesses. As a developing country, China also has its unique educational system.
This passage tells readers nothing. This is influenced by Chinese curving thinking. In English writing, the writer should start with general idea and then give specific information. The above example might be called textual redundancy.
Exercise: Make the following sentences briefly.
1. The reason he failed in the exam was because he did not work hard enough.
2. The cause of the flood was due to the heavy rain in late spring.
3. We are able to make our life be more beautiful.
4. He is not only a good pianist, but also a good singer as well.
5. If someone who wants to be successful, wealth is the basis that can help him.
6. As we all know that theme is the most essential factor of a TV program.
7. As it is known to us, China is a country with 5000 years history.
8. This is a valuable treasure of our country.
9. Walking to the right side, you will meet a sparkling lake.
10. Hainan is the largest ocean island and the smallest land province in China.
11. Frugal financial management is also a kind of way of life.
12. I lived in my hometown from the time I was ten years old to the time I was 18 years old.
13. Different people have different standards of beauty，especially between the eastern people and the western people.
14. They have many differences in many ways.
15. We have absolutely nothing to say.
16. He asked my personal opinion of the pictures.
17. In my opinion, I dont agree with this evaluative standard.
18. In my view, I dont think it is a good idea to accept such a marriage.
19. His swimming level is high.
20. By taking part in the contest, I can improve my English level.
21. Most rich people have low educational level.
22. In his earlier life period, he worked diligently.
23. Ambition is equal to personal initiative in ones career life.
24. Green house effect causes the issue of global warming.
25. Students can develop their ability of independent thinking and creativity.
26. They are unsatisfied with the judgment result.
27. With the improvement of our social and economic level, the energy shortage problem is becoming serious.
28. In todays world, there are two major issues: one is peace issue and the other is, development issue.
29. After graduation, all our classmates have gone to their work post.
30. The cultural level of the farmers is not very high.
31. For the English major students, most of them are offered two types of English teacher.
32. As a native English teacher, the teacher is focus on class activity like conversation and talking about daily life.
33. For Chinese English teachers, the classes are teacher oriented.
34. Many young girls about 20 years old, they want to stay young.
35. The fresh water, it is the most important things of the earth.
Chapter 3Description
Chapter 3Description
Section 1Definition of Description
Discussion
In groups, discuss the following questions:
1. What is description?
2. How many types of description can we find?
3. What type of language can we use in a description?
All of us respond in a strong way to sensory stimulation. The sweet perfume of a candy shop takes us back to childhood; the blank white walls of the campus infirmary remind us of long vigils at a hospital where a grandmother lay dying; the screech of a subway car sets our nerves on edge.
Without any sensory stimulation, we sink into a lessthanhuman state. Neglected babies, left alone with no human touch, no colors, no lullabies, become withdrawn and unresponsive. And prisoners dread solitary confinement, knowing that the sensory deprivation can be unbearable, even to the point of madness.
Because sensory impressions are so potent, descriptive writing has a unique power and appeal. Description can be defined as the expression, in vivid language, of what the five senses experience. A richly rendered description freezes a subject in time, evoking sights, smells, sounds, textures, and tastes in such a way that readers become one with the writers world.
Reading material
Sample 1
My Best Friend
(by Chen Minyuan)
She is my best friend. Although she is 21 years old, she looks so young that many
people think she is a senior high school student. She thinks 1.6m is short and she is not
satisfied with her height. Therefore, she often does exercise, especially badminton and running, to grow tall and keep healthy.
I like her long straight black hair very much. What else, since she uses skin care product every day, her face is ruddy and smooth. In spite of tiny freckle on face, she is lovely. Beneath her long eyelashes are her brown eyes. Besides, her smiling mouth makes others warm and calm. Her lower jaw is a little bit round.
What is more, she is crazy about different kinds of dress including sleeved, striated, latticed and highheeled shoes. As we all know, women always think that their chest need one more clothes. She does not like to adorn herself with bracelet, jade pendant or something else. Nevertheless she likes brightcoloured things, such as scarlet schoolbag, her brightred watch.
Questions for discussion
1. What dominant impression does the writer want to create of her best friend?
2. What sensory images does the writer evoke?
3. Are there any language errors?
Sample 2
My Friend
(by Han Qiao)
Today Id like to introduce a person to you. Thats my favorite friend who is as old as me. So she is also 18 years old. Now I will tell you the appearance about her.
In my eyes, she is very beautiful like a princess of India. Thats because she has a long straight and bushy hair on her head. Her face is very delicate. She has oval face and high cheek bone. Whereas, she eats too much these days, so her face is getting round. In defiance of this,she is perfect. Between the thick eyebrows, a beauty spot looks very special. There are deepset and big eyes as well as bright. Whats more, the eyes are too deep as if to speak. The reason why I think she is from India is that her bridge of the nose is high which is the best part on her face. And the mouth is red and small. Her tooth looks clean and dity. Under the mouth there is a pointed chin which makes her like a doll. As a matter of fact her skin is not snowwhite but the colorful is wheat that looks healthy and glossy. She is 170 cm tall which enable her to look tall and slim. She often wears blue chiffon shirt and simple jeans. On her foot, there are a pair of white sport shoes. I think it looks beautiful and charming.
In addition, her character is nice. If you talk with her, you will find the sense of humor what makes her get along with easily. Above all she is so interested that
everyone likes her. It is universally acknowledged that she is a lovely girl. Perhaps the most interesting person I ever met is her. Thanks to her accompany. She plays an important role in my life. She is not only my friend but also my family member.
By and large she is such a girl. And there is no denying that she is my best friend all the time. Whats yours? Would you like to share it with me?
Questions for discussion
1. What dominant impression does the writer want to create of her friend?
2. What sensory images does the writer evoke?
3. Are there any language errors?
Section 2Fit Description to Your Purpose and Audience
Description can be a supportive technique that develops part of an essay, or it can be the dominant technique used throughout an essay. Here are some examples of the way description can help you meet the objective of an essay developed chiefly through another pattern of development:
● In a causal analysis showing the consequences of pet overpopulation, you might describe the desperate appearance of a pack of starving stray dogs.
● In an argumentation—persuasion essay urging more rigorous handgun control, you might start with a description of a violent family confrontation that ended in murder.
● In a process analysis explaining the pleasure of making ice cream at home, you might describe the beauty of an oldfashioned, handcranked ice cream maker.
● In a narrative assay recounting a day in the life of a street musician, you might describe the musicians energy and the joyous appreciation of passersby.
In each case, the essays overall purpose would affect the amount of description needed.
Your readers also influence how much description to include. As you write, ask yourself, “What do my particular readers need to know to understand and experience keenly what Im describing? What descriptive details will they enjoy most?” Your answers to these and similar questions will help you tailor your description to specific readers. Consider an article intended for professional horticulturists; its purpose is to explain a new technique for controlling spider mites. Because of readers expertise, there would be little need for a lengthy description of the insects. Written for a college newspaper, however, the article would probably provide a detailed description of the mites so student gardeners could spot them with ease.
While your purpose and audience define how much to describe, you have great freedom deciding what to describe. Description is especially suited to objects (your car or desk, for example), but you can also describe a person, an animal, a place, a time, and a phenomenon or concept. You might write an effective description about a friend who runs marathons (person), a pair of ducks that returns each year to a neighbors pond (animals), the kitchen of a fastfood restaurant (place), a period when you were unemployed (time), the “fight or flight” response to danger (phenomenon or concept).
Description can be divided into two types: objective and subjective. In an objective description, you describe the subject in a straightforward and literal way, without revealing your attitude or feelings. Reporters, as well as technical and scientific writers, specialize in objective description; their jobs depend on their ability to detail experiences without emotional bias. For example, a reporter may write an unemotional account of a township meeting that ended in a fistfight. Or a marine biologist may write a factual report describing the way sea mammals are killed by the plastic refuse (sandwich wrappings, straws, fishing lines) that humans throw into the ocean.
In contrast, when writing a subjective description, you convey a highly personal view of your subject and seek to elicit a strong emotional response from your readers. Such subjective descriptions often take the form of reflective pieces or character studies. For example, in an essay describing the rich plant life in an innercity garden, you might reflect on peoples longing to connect with the soil and express admiration for the gardeners hard
work—an admiration youd like readers to share. Or, in a character study of your grandfather, you might describe his stern appearance and gentle behavior, hoping that the contradiction will move readers as much as it moves you.
The tone of a subjective description is determined by your purpose, your attitude toward the subject, and the reader response you wish to evoke. Consider an essay about a dynamic woman who runs a center for disturbed children. If your goal is to make readers admire the woman, your tone will be serious and appreciative. But if you want to criticize the womans highpressure tactics and create distaste for her management style, your tone will be disapproving and severe.
The language of a descriptive piece also depends, to a great extent, on whether your purpose is primarily objective or subjective. If the description is objective, the language is straightforward, precise, and factual. Such denotative language consists of neutral dictionary meanings. If you want to describe as dispassionately as possible fans violent behavior at a football game, you might write about the “large crowd” and its “mass movement onto the field.” But if you are shocked by the fans behavior and want to write a subjective piece that inspires similar outrage in readers, then you might write about the “swelling mob” and its “rowdy stampede onto the field.” In the latter case, the language used would be connotative and emotionally charged so that readers would share your feelings.
Subjective and objective descriptions often overlap. Sometimes a single sentence contains both objective and subjective elements: “Although his hands were large and misshapen by arthritis, they were gentle to the touch, inspiring confidence and trust.” Other times, part of an essay may provide a factual description (the physical appearance of a summer cabin your family rented), while another part of the essay may be highly subjective (how you felt in the cabin, sitting in front of a fire on a rainy day).
Reading material
Sample 1
Purple Mountain Observatory
(by Cao Qiuhan)
Purple Mountain Observatory was set up in 1928, sitting in Xuanwu district. It is the first modern institute of astronomy that was built by Chinese own. It stands for the honor of Chinese people to some extent.
If you like, you can choose to take cable cars to the summit of the mountain to avoid the exhausted experience of mountainclimbing. In the cable car, you may have a bird view of the whole city and flourish forest of Purple mountain. When you get off from the cable car, the Obervatory will not be far away form you.
The gate distinctly shows us its history that it was in Republic of China era. This observatory is definitely a historic constraction. In October 1913, Asian countries observatory was held in Japan. All the Asican countries were invited except China. Whats worse, Japanese even invited a French delegation representing China to attend the meeting. As this news went around, the whole country felt humiliated especially scholars, so constructing a good observatory became a preoccupation. Some officers decided to build the best astronomical observatory in the world which must emphasis Chinese style. After years of constraction the Purple Mountain Obervatory was finally completed and that is what you have seen—the former site.
Beside the Chinese style construction, the Purple Mountain Obeservatory has the modern style construction.
The wall of the star observatory is made of stone, but the round roof is made of metal which shine in the sun. The round roof was designed for a reason. As the position of stars moves with time, round roof allows the telescope to adjust angle to observe the stars.
In ancient times, Chinese astronomy always plays the leading role in the whole world, while in the modern times the development of astronomy was impeded by the poor situation of the whole country. Technology motivates the development of the country and a powerful country is able to provide a good environment for techonologys developing. Nowadays we are pursuing the development in many aspects of technology and science, technology and national development supplement each other.
Questions for discussion
1. What type of description does the writer mainly employ?
2. What purpose(s) does the writer want to achieve?
3. Who are the possible target audience for this article?
4. What is the thesis of Cao Qiuhans essay? Is it stated directly, locate the relevant sentence or sentences?If it is implied, state the thesis in your own words.
5. Are there any language errors?
Sample 2
My Favorite Room
(by Wu Shanshan)
I still remember the feeling when I first caught a sight of the fascinating bedroom from a weekly magazine. The unique style, the elegant ornaments, and the delicate furniture constitute an extremely harmonious image. Undoubtedly, it has still been ranked as the room in my dream up until now.
The cell is located in an attic whose ceiling is smoothly slant. Walking along the glassmade stairs, we can see a blue door on which hanging a colorful calendar. Its typical for anyone who enters the room for the first time to feel that he is exposed to a sea of blue. Coming into view initially is a single bed with a powder blue quilt cover. On the left of it stands a chic night table that is primarily an imitation of the last centurys classic style. A few steps away from the right side of the bed is a small wooden desk on which there is a desk lamp, an opened notebook and a new laptop, and a file filled with diverse documents. In the opposite side of the table stands a floor air conditioner neatly covered by a blue cloth in order to keep it clean. Turn right and we will see the half of the wall is decorated with abstract paintings and family photos. The other half is ingeniously designed as a bookshelf by affixing several boards on it. In addition, the other walls are covered by light blue wallpaper with patterns of lovely animals which precisely add more vigor to this room. Lying on the soft bed, we can see a huge window on the roof, from which we can bathe ourselves in the moonlight and observe the appealing night scene.
Living in such a cozy cell will absolutely ease us from a days sundry burdens and throw us into the comfort of home. Small as it is, the room is well organized and designed with all heart and soul. And Im fully sure that many people will love it for the first sight just like me.
Questions for discussion
1. What type of description does the writer mainly employ?
2. What purpose(s) does the writer want to achieve?
3. Who are the possible target audience for this article?
4. What is the thesis of Wu Shanshans essay? Is it stated directly, locate the relevant sentence or sentences？ If it is implied, state the thesis in your own words.
5. Are there any language errors?
Exercise
1. Go to a place on campus where students congregate. In preparation for an objective description of this place, make notes of various sights, sounds, smells, and textures, as well as the overall “feel” of the place. Then, in preparation for a subjective description, observe and take notes on another sheet of paper. Compare the two sets of material. What differences do you see in word choice and selection of details?
2. Prepare to interview an interesting person by outlining several questions ahead of time. When you visit that persons home or workplace, bring a notebook in which to record his or her responses. During the interview, observe the persons surroundings, voice, body language, dress, and so on. As soon as the interview is over, makes notes on these matters. Then review your notes and identify your dominant impression of the person. With that impression in mind, which details would you omit if you were writing an essay? Which would you elaborate? Which organizational pattern (spatial, emphatic, chronological, or sensory) would you select to organize your description? Why?
Checklist for prewriting strategies
Choose a subject to describe
● Might a photograph, postcard, prized possession, or journal entry suggest a subject worth describing?
● Will you describe a person, an animal, an object, a place, a period of time, or a phenomenon? Is the subject readily observable, or will you have to reconstruct it from memory?
Determine your purpose, audience, tone, and point of view
● Is your purpose to inform or to evoke an emotional response? If you want to do both, which is your predominant purpose?
● What audience are you writing for? How much does the audience already know about the subject you plan to describe?
● What tone and point of view will best serve your purpose and make readers receptive to your description?
Use prewriting to generate details about the subject
● How could freewriting, journal entries, or brainstorming help you gather sensory specifics about your subject?
● What relevant details about your subject come to mind when you apply the questioning technique to each of the five senses? What sounds (pitch, volume, and quality) predominate? What can you touch and how does it feel (temperature, weight, texture)? What do you see (color, pattern, shape, size)? What smells (pleasant, unpleasant) cant you forget? What tastes (agreeable, disagreeable) remain memorable?
Section 3Strategies for Using Description in an Essay
After prewriting, youre ready to draft your essay. The following suggestions will be helpful whether you use description as a dominant or supportive pattern of development.
3.1Focus a descriptive essay around a dominant impression
Like other kinds of writing, a descriptive essay must have a thesis, or a main point. In a descriptive essay with a subjective slant, the thesis usually centers on the dominant impression you have about your subject. Suppose you decide to write an essay on your ninthgrade history teacher, Ms. Hazzard. You want the paper to convey how unconventional and flamboyant she was. The essay could, of course, focus on a different dominant impression—how insensitive she could be to students, for example. Whats important is that you establish—early in the paper—the dominant impression you intend to convey. Although descriptive essays often imply, rather than explicitly state, the dominant impression, that impression should be unmistakable.
3.2Select the details to include
The prewriting techniques discussed above can help you develop heightened powers of observation and recall. Practice in noting significant details can lead you to become—in the words of novelist Hairy James— “one of those people on whom nothing is lost.” The power of description hinges on your ability to select from all possible details only those that support the dominant impression. All others—no matter how vivid or interesting—must be left out. If you were describing how flamboyant Ms. Hazzard could be, the details in the following paragraph would be appropriate:
A largeboned woman, Ms. Hazzard wore her bright red hair piled on top of her head, where it perched precariously. By the end of class, wayward strands of hair tumbled down and fell into eyes fringed by spiky false eyelashes. Ms. Hazzards nails, filed into crisp points, were painted either bloody burgundy or neon pink. Plastic tangle bracelets, also either burgundy or pink, clattered up and down arms as she scrawled on the board the historical dates that had, she claimed, “changed the world.”
Such details—the heavy eye makeup, stiletto nails, gaudy bracelets—contribute to the impression of a flamboyant, unusual person. Even if you remembered times that Ms. Hazzard seemed perfectly conventional and understated, most likely you wouldnt describe those times because they would contradict the dominant impression.
You must also be selective in the number of details you include. Having a dominant impression helps you eliminate many details gathered during prewriting, but there still will be choices to make. For example, it would be inappropriate to describe in exhaustive detail everything in a messy room:
The brown desk, made of a grained plastic laminate, is directly under a small window covered by a torn yellowandgold plaid curtain. In the left corner of the desk are four crumbled balls of bluelined yellow paper, three red markers (all without caps), two finepoint blue pens, a crumbling pink eraser, four letters, two bearing special wildlife stamps. A green downfilled vest and an outofshape red cableknit sweater are thrown over the back of the bright blue metal bridge chair pushed under the desk. Under the chair is an oval braided rug, its once brilliant blues and greens spotted by soda and coffee stains.
Readers will be reluctant to wade through such undifferentiated specifics. Even more important, such excessive detailing dilutes the essays focus. You end up with a seemingly endless list of specifics, rather than with a carefully crafted word picture. In this regard, sculptors and writers are similar—what they take away is as important as what they leave in.
3.3Organize the descriptive details
Its important to select the organizational pattern (or combination of patterns) that best supports your dominant impression. The paragraphs in a descriptive essay are usually sequenced spatially (from top to bottom, interior to exterior, near to far) or chronologically (as the subject is experienced in time). But the paragraphs can also be ordered emphatically (ending with your subjects most striking elements) or by sensory impression (first smell, then taste, then touch, and so on).
You might, for instance, use a spatial pattern to organize a description of a large city as you viewed it from the air, a taxi, or a subway car. A description of your first day on a new job might move chronologically, starting with how you felt the first hour on the job and proceeding through the rest of the day. In a paper describing about with the flu, you might arrange details emphatically, beginning with a description of your lowlevel aches and pains and concluding with an account of your raging fever. An essay about a neighborhood garbage dump could be organized by sensory impressions: the sights of the dump, its smells, its sounds. Regardless of the organizational pattern you use, provide enough signal devices (for example, about, next, worst of all) so that readers can follow the description easily.
Finally, although descriptive essays dont always have conventional topic sentences, each descriptive paragraph should have a clear focus. Often this focus is indicated by a sentence early in the paragraph that names the scene, object, or individual to be described. Such a sentence functions as a kind of informed topic sentence; the paragraphs descriptive details then develop that topic sentence.
3.4Use vivid sensory language and varied sentence structure
The connotative language typical of subjective description should be richly evocative. The words you select must etch in readers minds the same picture that you have in yours. For this reason, rather than relying on vague generalities, you must use language that involves readers senses. Consider the difference between the following paired descriptions:
Vague
Vivid
The food was unappetizing.
The stew congealed into an oval pool of muddybrown fat.
The toothpaste was refreshing.
The toothpaste, minty sweet, tingled against my bare teeth, finally free from braces.
Filled with passengers and baggage, the car moved slowly down the road.
Burdened with its load of clamoring children and bulging suitcases, the car labored down the interstate on bald tires and worn shocks, emitting puffs of blue exhaust and an occasional backfire.
Unlike the concrete, sensorypacked sentences on the right, the sentences on the left fail to create vivid word pictures that engage readers. While all good writing blends abstract and concrete language, descriptive writing demands an abundance of specific sensory language.
Although you should aim for rich, sensory images, avoid overloading your sentences with too many adjectives: “A stark, smooth, blinding glass cylinder, the fiftystory skyscraper dominated the crowded city street.” Delete unnecessary words, retaining only the most powerful: “A blinding glass cylinder, the skyscraper dominated the street.”
Remember, too, that verbs pack more of a wallop than adverbs. The following sentence has to rely on adverbs (italicized) because its verbs are so weak: “She walked casually into the room and deliberately tried not to pay attention to their stares.” Rewritten, so that verbs (italicized), not adverbs, do the bulk of the work, the sentence becomes more powerful: “She strolled into the room and ignored their stares.” Onomatopoetic verbs, like buzz, sizzle, and zoom, can be especially effective because their sounds convey their meaning.
Figures of speech—nonliteral, imaginative comparisons between two basically dissimilar things—are another way to enliven descriptive writing. Similes use the word like or as when comparing; metaphors state or imply that the two things being compared are alike; and personification attributes human characteristics to inanimate things.
The examples show how effective figurative language can be in descriptive writing:
（1） Simile
Moving as jerkily as a marionette on strings, the old man picked himself up off the sidewalk and staggered down the street.
（2） Metaphor
Stalking their prey, the hall monitors remained hidden in the corridors, motionless and ready to spring on any unsuspecting student who tried to sneak into class late.
（3） Personification
The scoop of vanilla ice cream, plain and unadorned, cried out for hot fudge sauce and a sprinkling of sliced pecans.
Finally, when writing descriptive passages, you need to vary sentence structure.
Dont use the same subjectverb pattern in all sentences. The second example above, for instance, could have been written as follows: “The hall monitors stalked their prey. They hid in the corridors. They remained motionless and ready to spring on any unsuspecting student who tried to sneak into class late.” But the sentence is richer and more interesting when the descriptive elements are embedded, eliminating what would otherwise have been a clipped and predictable subjectverb pattern.
Exercise 1
Write an essay about a particular place that you can observe carefully or that you already know well. You might choose one of the following or another place that you think of.
Pet shop
Doctors waiting room
Laundromat
Bar or nightclub
Video arcade
Library study area
Your bedroom or the bedroom of someone you know
Locker room after the winning or loss of an important game
Waiting room at train station, bus terminal, or airport
Antique shop or some other small shop
Exercise 2
Write an essay about a family portrait. (The picture may be of an individual or a group.)
Checklist for peer review
（1） Revise overall meaning and structure
● What dominant impression does the essay convey? Is the dominant impression stated or implied? Where? Should it be made more obvious or more subtle? Why?
● Is the essay primarily objective or subjective? Should the essay be more personal and emotionally charged or less so?
● Which descriptive details dont support the dominant impression? Should they be deleted, or should the dominant impression be adjusted to encompass the details?
（2） Revise paragraph development
● How are the essays descriptive paragraphs (or passages) organized—spatially, chronologically, emphatically or by sensory impressions? Would another organizational pattern be more effective? Which one(s)? Why?
● Which paragraphs lack a distinctive focus?
● Which descriptive paragraphs (or passages) deteriorate into a mere list of sensory impressions?
● Which descriptive paragraphs (or passages) are too abstract or general? Which fail to engage the readers senses? How could they be made more concrete and specific?
（3） Revise sentences and words
● What signal devices (such as above, next, worst of all) guide readers through the description? Are there enough signals? Too many?
● Where should sentence structure be varied so that it is less predictable and monotonous?
● Which sentences lack sensory images? How could they be made more evocative?
● Where should flat verbs and adverbs be replaced with vigorous verbs? Where would onomatopoeia enliven a sentence?
Exercise 1
Revise each of the following sentence sets twice. The first time, create an unmistakable mood; the second time, create a sharply contrasting mood. To convey atmosphere, vary sentence structure, use vigorous verbs, provide rich sensory details, and pay special attention to words connotations.
a. A long line formed outside the movie theater. People didnt want to miss the show. The movie had received a lot of attention recently.
b. A girl walked down the street in her first pair of high heels. This was a new experience for her.
Exercise 2
The following sentences contain clichés. Rewrite each sentence, supplying a fresh and imaginative figure of speech. And whatever descriptive details are needed to provide a context for the figure of speech.
a. They were as quiet as mice.
b. My brother used to get green with envy if I had a date and he didnt.
c. The professor is as dull as dishwater.
Exercise 3
The following descriptive paragraph is from the first draft of an essay showing that personal growth may result when romanticized notions and reality collide. How effective is the paragraph in illustrating the essays thesis? Which details are powerful? Which could be more concrete? Which should be deleted? Where should sentence structure be more varied? How could the description be made more coherent? Revise the paragraph, correcting any problems you discover and adding whatever sensory details are needed to enliven the description. Feel free to break the paragraph into two or more separate ones.
As a child, I was intrigued by stories about the farm in Harrison County, Maine, where my father spent his teens. Being raised on a farm seemed more interesting than growing up in the suburbs. So about a year ago, I decided to see for myself what the farm was like. I got there by driving on Route 334, a surprisingly easytodrive, fourlane highway that had recently been built with matching state and federal funds. I turned into the dirt road leading to the farm and got out of my car. It had been washed and waxed for the occasion. Then I headed for a dirtcolored barn. Its roof was full of huge, rotted holes. As I rounded the bushes, I saw the house. It too was dirtcolored. Its paint must have worn off decades ago. A couple of deadlooking old cars were sprawled in front of the barn. They were dented and windowless. Also by the barn was an ancient refrigerator, crushed like a discarded accordion. The porch steps to the house were slanted and wobbly. Through the open windows came a stale small and the sound of television. Looking in the front door screen, I could see two chickens jumping around inside. Everything looked dirty both inside and out. Secretly grateful that no one answered my knock, I bolted down the stairs, got into my clean, shiny car, and drove away.
Chapter 4Narration
Chapter 4Narration
Section 1Definition of Narration
In our daily life, we often try to make a statement clear by relating in detail something that has happened to us. In the story we tell, we present the details in the order in which they happened. A person may say, for example, “I was really nervous the day I took my first job interview,” and then go on to develop that statement with an account of the experience. If the story is sharply detailed, the readers will be able to feel and understand just why the storyteller felt that way. The way in which the story is made clear to us is called narration. Then, what is narration? How many different kinds of narration there are? How is a narrative essay usually organized? And what are the basic elements of narration? These are topics that we are about to discuss in this unit.
To narrate is to give an account of an event or a series of events. In other words, a narrative recreates an event or gives a sense of it by helping the readers visualize that event. Narration can be divided into two main kinds: the fictional and the nonfictional. Fictional narrative includes those stories which are created out of the imagination of the writer (e.g. the fable, the fairy tale, the legend, the epic, the short story and the novel etc.), while the nonfictional narratives are accounts of reallife happenings (e.g. diaries, travel articles, autobiographies and news story etc.)
On the one hand, narration often goes hand in hand with description and they are often interwoven in a piece of writing. When one tells a story, one describes its setting and characters. On the other hand, accounts of actions may be necessary to the description of a person or a scene. When planning a narrative, the writer should consider five aspects: context, the selection of details, organization, point of view, and purpose.
Section 2Key Elements of Narration
2.1Context
When, where, and to whom the action in a narrative happened are often made clear at the beginning of the narrative. These will provide the reader with a context, or circumstances, to help him understand the whole narrative, as are illustrated in the following paragraph:
For a month in the spring of 1987, my wife Ellen and I lived in the bustling eastern Chinese city of Nanjing with our 18monthold son Benjamin while studying arts education in Chinese kindergartens and elementary schools. But one of the most telling lessons Ellen and I got in the difference between Chinese and American ideas of education came not in the classroom but in the lobby of the Jinling Hotel where we stayed in Nanjing.
2.2Selection of details
A narrative is made up of details. There should be enough details so that the reader knows what is happening, but there should not be too many of them, and the narrative cannot just ramble from one point to another, or the reader will be confused and lose interest in the story. Only relevant details, or things that contribute to bringing out the main ideas of the narrative, are useful and effective. When selecting details, the writer should bear in mind his purpose in writing the narrative. For instance, when recalling about an interesting trip to Mount Tai, you should select details closely related to the trip itself. If you focus too much on details such as how difficult it was to get a train ticket, the essay will get away from the central idea. And the reader will be confused about what you are talking about. When deciding what to include in the narration, you could take the six Ws into consideration: who, what, when, where, how, and why. To make it specific, you should tell the reader what happened, when it happened, where it happened, why it happened, how it happened, and who was\/were involved.
Of course, you can never lay the same emphasis on all the six aspects. For different subjects and purposes, you should decide which of these details require major emphasis, and which require minor emphasis. On some occasions, one or two of the six Ws can be omitted if the audience could make them out with the help of the context or background knowledge, or if they are not as important as the other factors. Take the following paragraph for example:
I was standing right across the road there by my car getting ready to change a flat tire when I heard the train coming. Just as the engine reached the crossing, there was a terrible noise. It sounded like a crack of thunder. Then there was a loud grinding sound. And the noise did not stop either, the way it would in a car wreck; it kept going on, thundering and crashing. All of a sudden, the coal cars started to jackknife, falling off the tracks like toys, with coal pouring out all over the ground. Coal dust and dirt were flying everywhere. Then, in a minute or two, everything was still; the only thing moving was the coal, sliding out of the cars in piles. I just stood there and watched. It was like something youd see in the movies.
In this short narrative paragraph, the writer narrates in detail what the accident was a train derailment, when and where it occurred (at the crossing, when he was changing a flat tire), and how the train got derailed. The reader could get a clear impression of the whole course, though he is not told in specific who was involved and why there was such an accident.
Of course, a narrative should not only have details but a controlling idea that controls and ties up all the narrative details so as to make a general impression. This controlling idea is sometimes directly stated in the thesis statement; at other times it is implied throughout the narrative. A unified essay stays within the limits of the central idea. Your paragraph is unified if every detail supports the main idea in the paragraph which is often stated in the topic sentences. If all the details in your essay relate to your thesis and supporting topic sentences, your essay is unified. Read the following excerpt from an essay entitled “Everyday Cruelty” and identify the topic sentence of the paragraph and also the relevant details the author chose to support the controlling idea of the narrative.
At lunchtime on Wednesday, I witnessed more meanness. Along with dozens of other hungry, hurried people, I was waiting in line at McDonalds. Also in line was a young mother with two tired, impatient children clinging to her legs. The mother was trying to calm the children, but it was obvious that their whining was about to give way to fullfledged tantrums. The lines barely moved, and the lunchtime tension was building. Then, one of the children began to cry and scream. As people stared angrily at the helpless mother, the little boys bloodcurdling yells resounded through the restaurant. Finally, one man turned to her and said, “Lady, you shouldnt bring your kids to a public place if you cant control them.” A young woman chimed in with another piece of cruel criticism. The mother was exhausted and hungry. Someone in line could have helped her by kneeling down to interact on eye level with one of the kids. Instead, even though many of the customers in the restaurant were parents themselves, they treated her like a criminal.
2.3Organization
Events in a narrative are usually related in chronological order, that is, in the order in which they occur. But it is also possible, and sometimes preferable, to start from the middle or even the end of the story with the event that is most important or most likely to arouse the readers interest, and then go back to the beginning by using flashbacks. A narrative generally has a beginning, a middle, and an end. The setting may be given in the beginning. The middle (the body) tells the story itself. When the story is clearly told, the narrative comes to a natural end; then there is no need for a superfluous concluding paragraph. But sometimes it may be necessary to add one or two paragraphs about the significance of the story or about things that happen afterwards, as in the following example：
That incident happened more than fifteen years ago. My parents and my sister might have forgotten it by now. But Fathers words are still ringing in my ears.
In the following student essay, flashback is used from the very beginning of the story to show how she became a helpless lost lamb when she was only six years old. While you read it, pay attention to the signal of the shift in time and try to find out how does the author keep the reader informed that he is shifting from the present to the past.
A Lost Lamb
The coach was running along the country road, and the landscape outside became more and more familiar. I knew I was approaching the small village of old Uncle and Aunt. Again, that small adventure of my childhood came to my mind.
It was when I was six years old and stayed in that village for the summer. I was enjoying every day when the local school began and brought away all my playmates. One sunny afternoon, I went to pick berries in the nearby bushes, all alone. The berries were tempting as before, but I had lost fun in hunting them. I suddenly became homesick. Never before had I been away from my parents for so long. I remembered that a coach had carried Uncle and me out of my town, and that there had been a long walk through the woods before we arrived at my Uncles. I could see the woods where I stood now. So that was my way home! In a flash, I thought of the coins in my pockets that Aunt had given me for ice creams. This new finding encouraged me. Unable to resist the temptation of a trip home, I headed for the woods. And there, to my joy, distinctly lay the trail we had previously taken. I followed it, hands cheerfully clenching the coins in my pockets.
But after some while, the trail disappeared under my feet. I looked around; the trees were all alike. My head cooled down right away, and fear crept over me as never before. Unable to move a step, I cried for Mummy. I stood there crying until night fell over the woods. The darkness and quietness brought all the ghost stories into my mind. I was entirely gripped by fear, and my cries faded into pitiful moans of a captured lamb.
Fortunately, an old villager who happened to pass by traced my voice and found me. The next thing I remembered was Aunt holding me in her arms.
The coach stopped at its terminal and brought me back to reality. I got off. Before my eyes lay the old woods, where I had surrendered to fear. I walked into it with firm steps. Though I was still not immune to fear, I would not be overcome by it now. I would not be a helpless lost lamb any more.
2.4Point of view
Point of view signifies the way a story gets told—the mode (or modes) established by an author by means of which the reader is presented with the characters, dialogue, actions, settings, and events of the story. By far the most widely used modes is firstperson and thirdperson narration. A firstperson narrative limits the matter of the narrative to what the firstperson narrator knows, experiences, infers, or finds out by talking to other characters. In a firstperson narrative, the narrator speaks as “I,” and is to a greater or lesser degree a participant in the story, or else is the protagonist of the story. J. D. Salingers The Catcher in the Rye (1951) is an instance of this type. It begins, “If you really want to hear about it, the first thing youll really want to know is where I was born, and what my lousy childhood was like, and how my parents were occupied and all before they had me, and all that David Copperfield kind of crap....” From this instance, it can be seen that the firstperson narrative may be more graphic and lifelike, because it gives the reader the impression that it is what the writer himself has seen or experienced. But the scope of the narrative may be limited, for it is difficult to recount events that happen in different places at the same time. On occasions, you may resort to the thirdperson narrative. A thirdperson narrative is free from this limitation, for the narrator is someone outside the story properly who refers to all the other characters in the story by name, or as “he,” “she,” “they.” Thus Jane Austens Emma begins: “Emma Woodhouse, handsome, clever, and rich, with a comfortable home and happy disposition, seemed to unite some of the best blessings of existence; and had lived nearly twentyone years in the world with very little to distress or vex her.” A thirdperson narrative may seem more objective, but it is not easy to put in good order things that happen to different people in different places. More examples from student essays for you to consider:
a. Several people have made a lasting impression on me. I remember one person in particular who was significant to me. Mr. Zhang, my high school English teacher, helped my family and me through a difficult time during my senior year before the National College Entrance Examination. We appreciated his care, kindness, and financial help after the loss of my home in a devastating fire.
b. When Lucy was six years old, she became a new pupil of a primary school in the downtown area far away from her home. Though she knew that place quite well, for her grandma lived there, she had never been there alone. However, it was impossible for her parents to take her to school the first day. So she had to go all by herself.
“Tomorrow Ill go to school all by myself,” the idea fired her mind and she didnt sleep very well that night.
2.5Purpose
A narrative does not simply tell a story to the reader. There must be a purpose in telling a story. So the purpose of writing a narrative is sometimes more important than the story itself. As people generally find narratives informative and entertaining, experienced writers often use narratives to attract attention and\/or to provide evidence to support main points in essay writing. The writer may want to prove a theory, to illustrate a concept, to praise a virtue, to condemn a vice, etc. After reading the narrative, the readers may discover values, explore options and examine motives. For example, after reading or listening to a narrative of someone who faced a life crisis similar to what we are experiencing, we find the story help us to go through the crisis. To achieve effect like this, the writer should make sure that the total effect of his narrative, or the final impression it leaves on the reader, is in agreement with his purpose. In other words, he has to choose details and design the plot of his story carefully.
For instance, when selecting details for your experience of mountain climbing, you should bear a clear purpose in mind. If your purpose is simply to let the reader share your enjoyment of the beautiful natural scenery of the great mountains, you should tell more about the process of sightseeing and the joyful mood you had during the course. After reading your essay, your reader will be encouraged to have a try himself. And, if you want to make the point that mountain climbing is sometimes dangerous, you may select an episode when your life was endangered, say, you slipped from the steps and almost fell down to the deep valley below. In this way, you can make it through to the reader that he should be careful in mountain climbing, especially so in making the decision to climb a steep mountain. Then, the reader will weigh the benefits and danger in mountain climbing, and make a wise decision. Besides, if your purpose of writing such an essay is to tell the reader that mountain climbing helps to temper ones will and enhance ones courage, then you may choose details elaborating how you overcame one difficulty after another before you finally surmounted the mountain. Such an essay will, in the end, testify the famous saying, “Where there is a will, there is a way.”
Section 3What Makes a Good Narrative？
From what have been discussed, we can draw a conclusion that a good narrative tends to have the following characteristics：
● Involves readers in the story. It is much more interesting to actually recreate an incident for readers than to simply tell about it.
● Relates events in sequence. Recreate an event by setting it in a specific time and space.
● Includes detailed observations of people, places, and events.
● Is told from a point of view.
● Makes a point or communicates a main idea. Your details, specific scenes, accounts of changes or conflicts, and connections between the past and the present should point to a single main idea or dominant impression for your narrative as a whole.
Reading material
Sample 1
Salvation
I was saved from sin when I was going on thirteen. But not really saved. It happened like this. There was a big revival at my Auntie Reeds church. Every night for weeks there had been much preaching, singing, praying, and shouting, and some very hardened sinners had been brought to Christ, and the membership of the church had grown by leaps and bounds. Then just before the revival ended, they held a special meeting for children, “to bring the young lambs to the fold.” My aunt spoke of it for days ahead. That night I was escorted to the front row and placed in the mourners bench with all the other young sinners, who had not yet been brought to Jesus.
My aunt told me that when you were saved you saw a light, and something happened to you inside. And Jesus came into your life! And God was with you from then on. She said you could see and hear and feel Jesus in your soul. I believed her, I had heard a great many old people say the same thing and it seemed to me they ought to know. So I sat there calmly in the hot, crowded church, waiting for Jesus to come to me.
The preacher preached a wonderful rhythmical sermon, all moans and shouts and lonely cries and dire pictures of hell, and then he sang a song about the ninety and nine safe in the fold, but one little lamb was left out in the cold. Then he said: “Wont you come? Wont you come to Jesus? Young lambs, wont you come?” And he held out his arms to all us young sinners there on the mourners bench. And the little girls cried. And some of them jumped up and went to Jesus right away. But most of us just sat there.
A great many old people came and knelt around us and prayed, old women with jetblack faces and braided hair, old men, with workknarled hands. And the church sang a song about the lower lights are burning, some poor sinners to be saved. And the whole building rocked with prayer and song.
Still I kept waiting to see Jesus.
Finally all the young people had gone to the altar and were saved, but one boy and me. He was a rounders son named Westley. Westley and I were surrounded by sisters and
deacons praying. It was very hot in the church, and getting late now. Finally Westley said to me in a whisper: “God damn! Im tired ositting here. Lets get up and be saved.” So he got up and was saved.
Then I was left all alone on the mourners bench. My aunt came and knelt at my knees and cried, while prayers and songs swirled all around me in the little church. The whole congregation prayed for me alone, in a mighty wail of moans and voices. And I kept waiting serenely for Jesus, waiting, waiting—but he didnt come. I wanted to see him, but nothing happened to me. Nothing! I wanted something to happen to me, but nothing happened.
I heard the songs and the minister saying: “Why dont you come? My dear child, why dont you come to Jesus? Jesus is waiting for you. He wants you. Why dont you come? Sister Reed, what is this childs name?”
“Langston,” my aunt sobbed.
“Langston, why dont you come? Why dont you come and be saved? Oh, Lamb of God! Why dont you come?”
Now it was really getting late. I began to be ashamed of myself, holding everything up so long. I began to wonder what God thought about Westley, who certainly hadnt seen Jesus either, but who was now sitting proudly on the platform, swinging his knickerbockered legs and grinning down at me, surrounded by deacons and old women on their knees praying. God had not struck Westley dead for taking his name in vain or for lying in the temple. So I decided that maybe to save further trouble, Id better lie, too, and say that Jesus had come, and get up and be saved.
So I got up.
Suddenly the whole room broke into a sea of shouting, as they saw me rise. Waves of rejoicing swept the place. Women leaped in the air. My aunt threw her arms around me. The minister took me by the hand and led me to the platform.
When things quieted down, in a hushed silence, punctuated by a few ecstatic “Amens,” all the new young lambs were blessed in the name of God. Then joyous singing filled the room.
That night, for the last time in my life but one—for I was a big boy twelve years old—I cried. I cried, in bed alone, and couldnt stop. I buried my head under the quilts, but my aunt heard me. She woke up and told my uncle I was crying because the Holy Ghost had come into my life, and because I had seen Jesus. But I was really crying because I couldnt bear to tell her that I had lied, that I had deceived everybody in the church, that I hadnt seen Jesus, and that now I didnt believe there was a Jesus any more, since he didnt come to help me.
—Langston Hughes
Questions for discussion：
1. Where and when is the action of the story set? Can you imagine the story set in another place or time?
2. Who narrates the storys action? Is the point of view first person or third? Is the narrator a participant in the storys action or merely an observer?
3. How to understand the ending of the story? Is the boy “saved” by the end of the story? How to inter
pret the meaning of the title “Salvation”?
Sample 2
The Yellow Ribbon
——by Pete Hamill
They were going to Fort Lauderdale, the girl remembered later. There were six of them, three boys and three girls, and they picked up the bus at the old terminal on 34th Street, carrying sandwiches and wine in paper bags, dreaming of golden beaches and the tides of the sea as the gray cold spring of New York vanished behind them. Vingo was on board from the beginning.
As the bus passed through Jersey and into Philly, they began to notice that Vingo never moved. He sat in front of the young people, his dusty face masking his age, dressed in a plain brown illfitting suit. His fingers were stained from cigarettes and he chewed the inside of his lip a lot, frozen into some personal cocoon of silence.
Somewhere outside of Washington, deep into a Howard Johnsons, and everybody got off except Vingo. He sat rooted into his seat, and the young people began to wonder about him, trying to imagine his life: Perhaps he was a sea captain, maybe he had run away from his wife, he could be an old soldier going home. When they went back to the bus, the girl sat beside him and introduced herself.
“Were going to Florida,” the girl said brightly. “You going that far?”
“I dont know,”Vingo said.
“Ive never been there,” she said. “I hear its beautiful.”
“It is,” he said quietly, as if remembering something he had tried to forget.
“You live there？”
“I did some time there in the Navy. Jacksonville.”
“Want some wine?” she said. He smiled and took the bottle of Chianti and took a swig. He thanked her and retreated again into silence. After a while, she went back to the others, as Vingo nodded into sleep.
In the morning they awoke outside another Howard Johnsons, and this time Vingo went in. The girl insisted that he join them. He seemed very shy and ordered black coffee and smoked nervously, as the young people chattered about sleeping on the
beeches. When they went back on the bus, the girl sat with Vingo again, and after a while,
slowly and painfully and with great hesitation, he began to tell his story. He had been in jail in New York for the last four years, and now he was going home.
“Four years!” the girl said. “What did you do?”
“It doesnt matter,” he said with quiet bluntness. “I did it and I went to jail. If you cant do the time, dont do the crime. Thats what they say and theyre right.”
“Are you married?”
“I dont know.”
“You dont know?” she said.
“Well, when I was in the can I wrote to my wife,” he said. “I told her, Martha, I understand if you cant stay married to me. I told her that. I said I was gonna away a long time, and that if she couldnt stand it, if the kids kept askin’ questions, if it hurt her too much, well, she could just forget me. Get a new guy—shes a wonderful woman, really something—and forget about me. I told her she didnt have to write me or nothing. And she didnt. Not for three and a half years.”
“And youre going home now, not knowing?”
“Yeah,” he said shyly. “Well, last week, when I was sure the parole was coming through I wrote her, I told her that if she had a new guy, I understood. But if she didnt, if she would take me back, she should let me know. We used to live in this town, Brunswick, just before Jacksonville, and theres a great big oak tree just as you come into town, a very famous tree, huge. I told her if she would take me back, she should put yellow handkerchief on the tree, and I would get off and come home. If she didnt want me, forget it, no handkerchief, and Id keep going on through.”
“Wow,” the girl said. “Wow.”
She told the others, and soon all of them were in it, caught up in the approach of Brunswick, looking at the pictures Vingo showed them of his wife and three children, the woman handsome in a plain way, the children still unformed in a cracked, muchhandled snapshot. Now they were twenty miles from Brunswick and young people took over window seats on the right sided, waiting for the approach of the great oak tree. Vingo stopped looking, tightening his face into the excons mask, as if fortifying himself against still another disappointment.
Then it was ten miles, and then five and the bus acquired a dark hushed mood, full of silence, of absence, of lost years, of the womans plain face, of the sudden letter on the breakfast table, of the wonder of children, of the iron bars of solitude. Then suddenly all of the young people were up out of their seats, screaming and shouting and crying, doing small dances, shaking clenched fists in triumph and exaltation. All except Vingo.
Vingo sat there stunned, looking at the oak tree. It was covered with yellow handkerchiefs, twenty of them, thirty of them, maybe hundreds, a tree that stood like a banner of welcome blowing and billowing in the wind, turned into a gorgeous yellow
blur by the passing bus. As the young people shouted, the old con slowly rose from his seat, holding himself tightly, and made his way to the front of the bus to go home.
Questions for discussion:
1. The author writes in Paragraph 11 that Vingo seemed very shy. Find at least two pieces of evidence in the narrative to support the idea that Vingo was shy.
2. Because this is the story of a trip, it is appropriate that Hamill uses place names to signal the passing of time. List four place names used in this story.
3. The author does not use one the most commonly used methods (such as “end with a summary and final thought”\/“include a thoughtprovoking quotation”\/“End with a prediction or recommendation”) for writing conclusions. How does he end his story? What kind of welcome might we expect Vingo to receive when he walks into his home? Why didnt Hamill tell us about this directly?
Exercise 1
Following the writing strategies used in the above two articles and compose a writing on the topic of “The Most Important\/Unforgettable\/Amusing\/Miserable\/...Day in My Life” with no less than 300 words. To write the narration well, you may follow the following steps:
Step 1: Choose your topic by asking such questions: why do I still remember the event？ How important is it? What does it reflect on?
View the event from your own perspective.
Step 2： Draw an outline of the narration.
(1) The time and place of occurrence of the instance and the people who were involved.
(2) The major phases in the process in which the instance developed.
(3) Your comments on the instance (the significance of the event).
Step 3: Put what is in your mind concerning the instance into written words.
Step 4: Read your writing carefully and objectively. Mark parts or aspects you like and those you think weak and need improving. Check the details\/examples and see if they support your central idea and if you have better ones to replace them. Rewrite what you think ineffective and supply more powerful details if you can. Cut out whatever detail that does not related to the topic.
Step 5: Editing
Check your spelling and try your best to improve your composition by eliminating those technical errors, such as misspellings, grammatical errors, punctuation and so on.
Exercise 2
Write a narrative essay that develops a meaningful viewpoint or message about an issue that you have firsthand experience dealing with. Here are some subjects for you to consider：
1. Milestones
Perhaps the most interesting but also the most difficult experience to write about is one that you already recognize as a turning point in your life, whether its winning a sports championship, being a camp counselor, or surviving a fiveday solo camping trip in midwinter. Writers who explore such topics in writing often come to a better understanding of them. Also, their very significance challenges the writers to make them equally significant for an audience that did not experience them. When you write about milestones, pay special attention to the physical details that will both advance your story and make it come alive for readers.
2. Daily life
Commonplace experiences make fertile subjects for personal narratives. You might describe practicing, rather than winning the big competition, or cleaning up after, rather than attending the prom. If you are accurate, honest, and observant in exploring a subject from which readers expect little, you are apt to pleasantly surprise them and draw them into your essay. Work experiences are especially fruitful subjects, since you may know inside details and routines of restaurant and retail shops that the rest of us can only guess.
Chapter 5Exposition
Chapter 5Exposition
Section 1Types of Exposition
Discussion
In groups, discuss the following questions:
1. What is the most important quality of exposition?
2. How is exposition classified?
3. How can we make exposition clear?
Since the purpose of exposition is to explain or analyze information, the most important feature of expository essays should be clarity, that is, being clear. In other words, writers should try not to puzzle readers, but to make themselves easily understood by others. To achieve this, writers should understand types of exposition first so that the essay they write will be well organized. Exposition can be classified into the following categories according to logic ways of development.
Illustration: To explain an idea by giving examples, also called exemplification. The purpose is to make a general idea more specific. Illustration is often indicated by the following expressions: for example, for instance, a case in point is..., take...as an example, such as, like, namely; to illustrate, to substantiate, to specify, specifically, in particular, particularly, especially, among other things; in other words, that is, that is to say, to put it in another way.
Process or listing: Process to explain the procedures or steps of actions while listing is to list out several points. Process and listing are often indicated by the following expressions: firstly, secondly, next, then, lastly, last but not least, at length, finally; for one thing, for another; additionally, in addition, furthermore, moreover, whats more, besides.
Classification and division: The former is to put a group of things into categories while the latter is to divide the whole into several parts. Classification is indicated by phrases such as kinds, types, aspects, categories, classes, sorts, characteristics.
Comparison and contrast: The former is to explain similarities between two things while the latter is to find differences. Comparison is often shown by: similarly, likewise, in the same way, by the same token, equally. Contrast is expressed with: while, whereas, however, nonetheless, nevertheless, on the other hand, on the contrary, by contrast, in contrast to..., in opposition to, but, although, despite, conversely, the other way round.
Causes and effects: The former is to analyze the reasons or causes of something, whereas the latter is to analyze the influences of A on B. Cause\/effect is suggested by: so, therefore, thus, thereby, consequently, as a result, it follows that..., due to, thanks to, owing to, now that, since, accordingly.
Definition: To explain abstract or technical terms by giving definitions. In defining something, expressions such as by..., is meant, refers to, property, attribute, condition, state, method, way.
Problemsolution: To give solutions to a certain problem. This pattern is often indicated by words such as measures, ways, suggestions, recommendations, tips, methods, solutions, keys.
To make exposition clear, it is also necessary to understand structure of essays which often involves elements such as title, thesis statement, topic sentence, developing sentences, and conclusion. When we write an essay about a topic, the first step is to work out a title, which should be on the topic but more specific than the topic. Title should be brief and eyecatching since readers may give up reading the essay if the title is not attractive to him or her. The first paragraph of an expository essay is called introduction, in which thesis statement should be included. Thesis statement is the most important sentence in an essay, which states the topic of the essay and indicates the development of the essay.
The body part of an essay usually consists of three or more paragraphs, each of which starts with a topic sentence which states the main idea of the whole paragraph, and is elaborated by several developing sentences. The following paragraph is a good example.
Last but not least, China dream is a dream of narrowing the gap between the rich and the poor. Before reform and opening, China had been a society when social wealth could be distributed equally and the Gini coefficient was about 0.2. However, since 2006, the Gini coefficient has been more than 0.497. It means the gap between rich and poor is extremely high in our country. The rich spend money like water while the poor cant afford to school; the rich feast while the poor starve. I really appreciate the rich who do charity work like Bill Gates and Ma Yun. In addition, it is an important social and political difficulty for our country to set up social welfare system.
In this paragraph, the topic sentence is the first sentence, which is brief and clear. The writer then elaborates the general idea with sufficient evidence. Usually there are three types of evidence: statistics, specific examples, and quotation. Here, the writer cites the figure of Gini coefficient as the evidence to show that the gap between the rich and poor is becoming larger recently. When giving specific examples, writers should mention the people, time, and place in the events. In this way, the events sound more authentic and specific so that readers are more likely to feel impressed by the elaboration.
To write a good expository essay, the writers should limit the scope or subject of discussion since broad topics are hard to be explained clearly in an essay. It is important to bear in mind that one should choose a manageable topic and narrow down the topic. For instance, the topic like the differences between Chinese and English will be too broad a topic for an essay. It is not easy for a writer to deal with such a topic in a passage of about 300 words. A more viable topic might be the differences between Chinese and English discourses.
Before writing an expository essay, one should collect some materials about it since if we know little about the topic, we can not explain it. With enough materials, we can select effective examples. For example, when one is writing on a topic such as animals are abused in laboratories, it is necessary for the writer to find some articles in some journals or some reports issued by organizations. Without collecting these related materials, writers will find it hard to give specific examples.
In addition, a good expository essay should bring something new to readers. There are several ways to make expository writing creative. Firstly, one can look for fresh things to say about old topics. Take the topic “women are still discriminated in China” for example, this is an old topic, but writers can collect some new evidence or examples. Secondly, it is important to find new topics. The world is changing and developing. New topics are emerging continuously, for instance, big data, AI, machine translation, apps, ecommerce. Thirdly, one can find new perspectives to analyze a topic. For instance, others are talking about the positive effects of modern science and technology, you can focus on the negative effects. Others are writing about AI from sociology, you can discuss it from ethics.
Exercise: Identify problems with the following passage.
Actually, owning fortune doesnt mean to be successful, fortune is not the most important standard of success. Firstly, I think the key points of true success are friendly relationships and a fulfilling life. Even though we are millionaires, we still be losers if we were friendless and alone. The money we earn would be worthless if we dont have someone to share with. Secondly, its all in my head: Success begins with selfaffirmation. Its that staunch belief that when I love what I do, success has to come. When the mood is positive, we give rise to our selfesteem leading to relentless pursuit of success. Last but not least, I support that the definition of success is to make ourselves happy and consider having a valuable living, that would be it. As long as we are happy, and feel meaningful, this is the best thing to have succeeded.
Section 2Comparison and Contrast
Comparison or contrast is a method of developing a paragraph or an essay. The purpose is to show readers the similarities and differences of two things to help the readers understand or evaluate them. Only items (usually 2) of the same general class can be compared\/contrasted. For example, it is pointless to compare or contrast an animal with a mineral. The comparison\/contrast should be supported by concrete and relevant facts. It is also important to organize comparison or contrast essay in a logic way. Usually there are two types of organizational patterns:
Subject by subject: the writer discusses the various aspects of one item before going on to the other.
Subject A:
Point 1
Point 2
Point 3
Subject B:
Point 1
Point 2
Point 3
Point by point: the writer discusses both items under each of the various aspects compared\/contrasted. Make a point about subject A and then the corresponding point about subject B. Then make the next point about subject A and follow it with the corresponding point about subject B.
Point 1Point 2Point 3
Subject ASubject ASubject A
Subject BSubject BSubject B
Reading material
MOOC
A massive open online course (MOOC\/mu:k\/) is an online course aimed at unlimited participation and open access via the web. In addition to traditional course materials such as filmed lectures, readings, and problem sets, many MOOCs provide interactive user forums to support community interactions among students, professors, and teaching assistants (TAs). MOOCs are a recent and widely researched development in distance education which were first introduced in 2006 and emerged as a popular mode of learning in 2012.
Early MOOCs often emphasized openaccess features, such as open licensing of content, structure and learning goals, to promote the reuse and remixing of resources. Some later MOOCs use closed licenses for their course materials while maintaining free access for students.
According to The New York Times, 2012 became “the year of the MOOC” as several wellfinanced providers, associated with top universities, emerged, including Coursera, Udacity, and edX.
In the fall of 2011 Stanford University launched three courses. The first of those courses was “Introduction Into AI”, launched by Sebastian Thrun and Peter Norvig. Enrollment quickly reached 160,000 students. The announcement was followed within weeks by the launch of two more MOOCs, by Andrew Ng and Jennifer Widom. Following the publicity and high enrollment numbers of these courses, Thrun started a company he named Udacity and Daphne Koller and Andrew Ng launched Coursera. Coursera subsequently announced university partnerships with University of Pennsylvania, Princeton University, Stanford University and The University of Michigan.
In January 2013, Udacity launched its first MOOCsforcredit, in collaboration with San Jose State University. In May 2013 the company announced the first entirely MOOCbased masters degree, a collaboration between Udacity, AT&T and the Georgia Institute of Technology, costing $7,000, a fraction of its normal tuition.
In September 2013, edX announced a partnership with Google to develop MOOC.org, a site for nonxConsortium groups to build and host courses. Google will work on the core platform development with edX partners. In addition, Google and edX will collaborate on research into how students learn and how technology can transform learning and teaching. MOOC.org will adopt Googles infrastructure. The Chinese Tsinghua University MOOC platform XuetangX.com (launched Oct. 2013) uses the open edX platform. (https:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Massive_open_online_course)
Exercise:
Write an comparison or contrast essay of 300 words on the difference between MOOC and traditional courses.
Checklist for peer review
1. Is there a thesis statement?
2. Is there a topic sentence for each paragraph?
3. Does the essay follow subjectbysubject pattern or pointbypoint pattern?
4. Is there sufficient evidence to support the points?
5. Are there cohesive devices used in the essay?
6. Are there grammar errors?
Section 3CauseEffect Essay
Causeeffect essay is a type of writing in which the writer tries to explore the causes for or effects of certain things. Generally there are two patterns: focusing on causes, and focusing on effects. With regard to the former, the following structure can be adopted.
Introduction: background information, thesis statement
Body paragraph one: cause 1, supporting details
Body paragraph two: cause 2, supporting details
Body paragraph three: cause 3, supporting details
Conclusion: restatement of the thesis.
With respect to the latter, the following structure can be followed.
Introduction: background information, thesis statement
Body paragraph one: effect 1, supporting details
Body paragraph two: effect 2, supporting details
Body paragraph three: effect 3, supporting details
Conclusion: restatement of the thesis.
Reading material
Sample 1
Whats Behind the Lowly Status of “Sold in China”?
It has been reported that during this years Spring Festival holiday in February, Chinese tourists spent a total of 6 billion yuan ($958 million) in Japan. Apart from snatching up Japans famous electronic products, they also splashed out on domestic appliances—notably toilet lids. According to Japanese media outlets, toilet lids almost fell out of stock in Japanese shops owing to the run on the product. The splurge on toilet seats available in Japan that feature builtin spray washing and seat warmers has prompted many comparisons of madeinChina products with their Japaneseproduced counterparts. However, it was soon discovered that some toilet seats bought from Japan back to China had in fact been produced in Hangzhou in east Chinas Zhejiang Province.
Some have deemed those who buy toilet seats in Japan unreasonable, while others believe different standards for products have led to a qualitative difference between toilet seats sold in China and in Japan.
Lack of trust
Bian Guangchun (Beijing Morning Post): China is not inferior to Japan in terms of the technology of producing electric household appliances, toilet lids included.
The prices of toilet lids under Japanese brands range from 1,000 yuan ($160) to 5,000 yuan ($800), and the majority of Chinese consumers choose to buy toilet seats at a median price of 2,000 yuan ($320). There is a method to this madness as the same model within the same product range costs more in China. Furthermore, although Chinese shops also sell Japanesemade toilet seats, owing to their lack of confidence in the domestic retail sector, Chinese consumers prefer instead to bring back the same toilet seats back from Japan.
As a typical trick of the trade, before retailers make discounts on certain commodities, they first raise the prices of these items artificially high, thereby psychologically inflating the value of the product in question in the buyers mind. Jaded to such tactics, more and more Chinese consumers have begun to lose confidence in domestic retailers and turn to other channels for shopping in lieu of them. Moreover, fake and lowquality commodities are also scaring consumers away. In short, several factors have conspired to dampen consumer confidence in commodities available at home, and domestic consumption has thusly suffered. This may go a long way toward accounting for overseas shopping sprees of the type recently encountered in Japan.
Qiao Zhifeng (www.cnhubei.com): The Hangzhoubased toilet lid manufacturer has admitted that its products exported to Japan are manufactured in line with the relevant Japanese criteria, which are stricter than those in China. Toilet seats on the Japanese market are therefore of a higher quality than their counterparts sold in China under the same brand. Thus, there is no justifiable reason to deride those Chinese consumers who bring back toilet lids and other sundry products from their trips to Japan. They are simply unable to get commodities of an equivalent quality at home.
The General Administration of Quality Supervision, Inspection and Quarantine of China has explicitly stated that exportoriented products, particularly food, are absolutely safe and of merchantable quality. How wonderful it would be if products made for domestic market were held to the same standard!
In most cases, its not that Chinese consumers are possessed of a sudden irrational fervor for all things foreignproduced. Fundamentally, their buying of foreign products can be attributed to their lack of trust in domestically available products. They are more confident in the quality of products on foreign markets, even those exported from China. The frequent occurrence in China of health scares and scandals involving substandard and counterfeit products, particularly in the area of food safety, is steadily chipping away at consumer trust in domestic commodities, and thus strengthening Chinese resolve to buy foreign.
These socalled Japanese lids were actually produced in China! Who then should feel ashamed? Not Chinese consumers, thats for sure. Conversely, they have shown themselves to be remarkably canny. Quality must always come first—whether the products are intended for export or for domestic consumption.
In order to retain Chinese consumers, domestic producers should therefore spare no efforts in improving product quality.
Qiao Shan (Information Times): Its necessary to make it clear that not all products manufactured in China are available in the Chinese market. Some Chinese manufacturers have also revealed that they adopt the most rigid criteria when manufacturing overseasoriented products, while those sold in China is made according to lower standards, even under the umbrella of the same brand.
Therefore, we cannot help but ask, although many of the toilet seats brought back from Japan are made in China, are such products to be found in the Chinese market? To some extent, when people shop in Japan, they are not just buying toilet seats, rather they are investing in the guarantee of a higher standard of quality.
Nowadays, China boasts strong manufacturing credentials, and its impossible to conceive of its market being incapable of producing highquality products. The question therefore remains, when will it be possible for Chinese consumers to buy products as good as those exported to other countries from China?
Changing demand
Wang Shichuan (China Youth Daily): Its only natural that consumers would be drawn to commodities of good quality. Chinese consumers lust for the technologically advanced toilet seats sold in Japan also implies that Chinese people are embracing a higher standard of living than they did before. In the past, they were not able to purchase dual flush toilets and certainly would not have cared about whether or not this home appliance was comfortable to use.
Some people bemoan the fact that, even given its status as a sizeable manufacturing power, China nonetheless is still unable to produce better toilet seats than Japan does.
Consumers are driven by potential savings and tangible benefits in their buying behavior. If domestic products were good enough, no one would go to the trouble of bringing back a toilet seat from as far afield as Japan, and consumers from other nearby countries might even come to China to buy quality goods.
China has been able to take a leading role in hitech areas such as the aerospace industry. Why then is it unable to produce quality toilet seats for its own people?
Lin Lili (Peoples Daily): It has been revealed that toilet seat sold in Japan have added features such as heating, sanitizing, multiple water jets, and hot air dryers. Nowadays, more and more Chinese are starting to pursue an improved customer experience, from better shopping environments to aftersales services. They
are no longer satisfied with a product that is merely usable, but hope instead to enjoy and glean benefits from what they buy.
Those who rushed to buy toilet seats in Japan do not represent a small exclusive cadre of very wealthy people but rather are mostly from the upper middle class. Domestic products can no longer satisfy them in many respects. The Chinese have moved out of an era characterized by a scarcity of goods. Some traditional industrial sectors are even providing quantity in excess of consumer demand.
It is clear that in the long run, only innovation can help to boost and fulfill consumer demand in various areas.
Some maintain that Japanese toilet seats have targeted a weak spot in Chinas toilet industry and exploited a gap in the market, as has been the case in other industries. However, we still believe that if Chinese companies can clearly recognize the chasm that exists between themselves and enterprises in developed nations and try to develop themselves accordingly through research, development and innovation, many products made in China, toilet seats included, will be sought after by consumers in China and beyond.
Xu Yichuang (www.hlj.rednet.cn): As regards Chinese consumers voracious purchasing of toilet seats in Japan during this years Spring Festival holidays, some have labeled the shoppers “unpatriotic,” and some have expressed their dismay on the behalf of Chinas manufacturing sector.
These critics have overreacted. We have to admit that toilet seats bought from Japan are of a high quality and this simple fact accounts for their popularity with Chinese consumers. The Chinese tourists runaway spending on them only serves to demonstrate they are merely in pursuit of a more comfortable and convenient lifestyle, and by no means should be termed “unpatriotic.”
China is good at manufacturing. It not only exports toilet seats, but also cellphones, computers and automobiles to the rest of the world. As a developing economy, its natural for gaps to exist in terms of production standards between China and Japan and other developed economies. Domestic consumers still for the most part cannot afford expensive premium quality products designed for everyday usage.
Meanwhile, the recent spending spree by consumers in Japan should pose a warning to Chinese industries. There exists huge purchasing power within the Chinese market, and the increasingly wealthy Chinese are no longer satisfied with the quality of whats on offer, rather they demand more sophisticated products of a better caliber.
China needs to vitalize its national industries, boost innovation and improve the quality of its products. At the same time, different product ranges catering especially to consumers from different socioeconomic backgrounds should be provided. Simply put, in order to hold onto consumers who spend big outside China, the time has come for domestic enterprises and retailers to take action and fight for their share the native market.
(http:\/\/www.bjreview.com.cn\/forum\/txt\/201503\/14\/content_678328.htm)
Exercise:
Write an expository essay on the following topic: What is behind the irrational fervor for foreign products? Write an effectcause essay (at least 300 words).
Checklist for peer review
1. Is there a thesis statement?
2. Is there a topic sentence for each paragraph?
3. Are the subpoints listed in a logical order?
4. Is there sufficient evidence to support the points?
5. Are there cohesive devices used in the essay?
6. Are there grammar errors?
Sample 2
The Internet of Things
The Internet of Things (IoT) is simply a concept wherein machines and everyday objects are connected via the Internet. Within the IoT, devices are controlled and monitored remotely and usually wirelessly. IDC predicts that the IoT will include 212 billion things globally by the end of 2020.
Not long ago, devices on the Internet had to be wired to a fixed location. One of the important drivers behind the Internet of Things is how easy it has now become to wirelessly connect mobile items to the Internet via WiFi, bluetooth, or proprietary wireless communications protocols.
Smart IoT devices include everything from structural health monitors for buildings to smart egg trays that know how many eggs you have and how old they are. Home automation devices include Googles Nest, and two competing families of home and healthcare IoT systems: ZigBee and ZWave. The Vessyl smart drinking cup that monitors exactly what you are drinking, the HAPIfork tracks your eating habits, and the Beam tooth brush reports on your brushing history.
Wearables range from the popular fit bit athletic tracker to smart watches, smart clothes, and biologicallyembeddables including pacemakers and glucose monitors.
Although cars may not yet be autonomous, new models have many Internetaddressable capabilities including remote start, remote climate control, location tracking, as well as the currentlylatent ability to track many of your driving habits. Every time you hear a warning beep, another item of data is recorded.