AFFINITY
Sarah Waters
3 August 1873
I was never so frightened as I am now. They have left me sitting in the
dark, with only the light from the window to write by. They have put me in
my own room, they have locked the door on me. They wanted Ruth to do
it, but she would not. She said ''What, do you want me to lock up my own
mistress, who has done nothing?'' In the end the doctor took the key from
her & locked the door himself, then made her leave me. Now the house
is full of voices, all saying my name. If I close my eyes & listen it might be
any ordinary night. I might be waiting for Mrs Brink to come & take me
down to a dark circle, & Madeleine or any girl might be there, blushing,
thinking of Peter, of Peter''s great dark whiskers & shining hands.
But Mrs Brink is lying quite alone in her own cold bed, & Madeleine
Silvester is downstairs weeping in a fit. And Peter Quick is gone, I think for
ever.
He was too rough, & Madeleine too nervous. When I told her I could
feel him near she only shook & kept her eyes shut. I said ''It is only Peter.
You are not frightened are you, of him? Look, here he is, look at him,
open your eyes.'' But she would not do that, she only said ''O, I am terribly
afraid! O Miss Dawes, please don''t have him come any closer!''
Well, many ladies have said that, having Peter come near them for the