"How? Oh, John! keep up your name--try all risks for that. How redeemit?"
"By a speculation offered to me, full of risk; but, if successful, placingme high above water-mark, so that no one need ever know the strait Iam in. Still, if it fails--"
"And if it fails," said she, advancing, and laying her hand on his arm, hereyes full of eager light. She held her breath to hear the end of hisspeech.
"Honest men are ruined by a rogue," said he gloomily. "As I stand now,my creditors, money is safe--every farthing of it; but I don"t knowwhere to find my own--it may be all gone, and I penniless at thismoment. Therefore, it is my creditors" money that I should risk."
"But if it succeeded, they need never know. Is it so desperate aspeculation? I am sure it is not, or you would never have thought of it.
If it succeeded--"
"I should be a rich man, and my peace of conscience would be gone!"
"Why! You would have injured no one."
"No; but I should have run the risk of ruining many for my own paltryaggrandisement. Mother, I have decided! You won"t much grieve overour leaving this house, shall you, dear mother?"
"No! but to have you other than what you are will break my heart. Whatcan you do?"
"Be always the same John Thornton in whatever circumstances;endeavouring to do right, and making great blunders; and then trying to be brave in setting to afresh. But it is hard, mother. I have so workedand planned. I have discovered new powers in my situation too late-andnow all is over. I am too old to begin again with the same heart. Itis hard, mother."