笑話兩則
快樂學堂
A little kid gets on a city bus， sits right behind the driver， and starts talking loudly，
“If my dad was a bull and my mom a cow， I’d be a little bull.”
The driver gets annoyed as the kid continues to yammer[嘟囔道] on.
“If my dad was a rooster and my mom a hen， I would be a little chick.”
The kid goes on and on with all the animals he knows， when finally， the bus driver yells，
“What if your dad was a bum[流浪漢] and your mom was a drunk[酒鬼]？”
The kid smiles and says，“I’d be a bus driver.”
小提示
該笑話中的小屁孩使用了以if引導的虛擬語氣，但這並不是規範的語法。在表示與事實相反的情況時，if引導的從句裏的be動詞應為were，主句則用should、would、could或者might加動詞原形，例如：
If I were you， I wouldn’t worry about it. （如果我是你，我就不會對此擔心。）
Getting Forgetful[健忘的] 健忘症
Three old ladies sit in a diner， discussing their health.
One lady says，“You know， I’m getting really forgetful. This morning， I was standing at the top of the stairs， and I couldn’t remember whether I had just come up or was about to[將要] go down.”
The second lady says，“You think that’s bad？ The other day， I was sitting on the edge of my bed， and I couldn’t remember whether I was going to sleep or had just woken up！”
The third lady smiles smugly[得意洋洋]. “Well， my memory is just as good as it’s always been， knock on wood，” she says as she raps[嘮叨] on the table. Then with a startled[感到驚訝的] look on her face， she asks，“Who’s there？”
小提示
knock on wood是美式英語中常用的習語，對應的英式英語是touch wood，意為敲敲木頭（人們認為觸碰木頭可以帶來好運），例如：
Knock on wood. I haven’t missed one day’s work.（謝天謝地，我工作從未缺勤過。）
I almost got bitten by a dog. Knock on wood.（我差點就被狗咬了，真是好險。）